Am I so unimportant?
Hi, I just wanted to open up here again and tell you how I feel since I don't have the friends to go up to and day "Hey can we talk? I'm not feeling so well, " so I wanted to seek comfort and advice here where I don't have the fear of people criticizing me.
So I just really have the feeling I'm the most unimportant person for everyone in my life.
I only have 2 "good" friends at the moment. I have known one of them for 3 years and the other somewhat closer for 1, but we only have been like a trio for half a year now, maybe or a bit less.
I always see them getting tausend of texts from friends,their bf, and so on.
There is always somebody who messages them, and they always have a notification on their phon.
I don't get any of that for days.
Not even from them.
It just makes me wonder if I'm that unimportant.
If I text them something, it takes up to hours until they answer me.
But they are online and on some days when, for example, my friend shows me a message from my other friend. I notice "Oh she replied at that time of hour to you. I texted her a half-hour before you, and she answered me 3 hours later."
And that's what makes me upset.
While I try to get closer to them with texting stuff like "How are you doing?" If they're sick or just random texts of what I'm doing or asking what they're doing rn on weekends.
I NEVER get a text like that from them.
Only if in school they noticed I was upset once in a lifetime they ask what happened later that day.
But nothing else.
Not even a simple "Hey, how are you?"
I mean, I understand that sometimes you don't have the time, but I always think about it like this:
No person in the world, not even the busiest person, does something every minute for 24h.
You always have situations where you don't do something even if it's just for a few minutes.
And if you don't have the time for a whole "normal" day I'll say to reply to someone it's not because you don't have time it's because you don't want to or are to lazy to.
Ofc their are different situations where this mindset isn't so accurate, but I know my friends.
They text their bf in school even tho whe aren't allowed to take out our phones the whole day. Tuesdays & Thursdays, we have a long lunch break from 2-3 hours where they have so much time and do nothing.
One of them can send me 10 tiktoks at 12pm and the other stays up often at night to play video games.
Do you get it now?
They ignore my text for hours, but their bf get a evry hour update from them.
They text each other randomly. "Hey wanna hang out." "Hay, are you ok?" "Hey what are you up to?" and so on, but I never get a text from them.
I ALWAYS have to text first.
If I don't, they wouldn't even bother to talk to me outside of school.
And I feel so stupid, especially when I texted them and been waiting for 2h maybe for them to reply, and in those hours, they sent me 5 tiktoks but don't answer my message.
And that's when I really ask myself if I'm really that unimportant?
But ofc they say stuff like that they care and I' important to them but they barely show it except sometimes in school.
And the worst thing is that they are my only friends.
I don't have anyone else, but they do. 100 of people who text them first thing in the morning party paragraphs even.
I'm practically obligated to them.
And you know it's bad when I check my phone every hour, at least if somebody texts me even tho I know that my phone will ring if I get a notification.
But I still check in the hope that I maybe didn't gear it or it didn't ring, and they do text me just wanting to talk with me.
And I hate it so much.
They can text everyone and give them 10 answers to their 10 questions immediately but can't even respond to my one question?
And then they tell me I should change my way of thinking and that they try to include me and be a "good" friend.
But it doesn't show?
Maybe from small action IN school.
But mostly not even that.
But as soon as we leave school, I am just some kind of piece of garbage you forget in the corner of your room.
Yk?
I'm just so tired of not receiving what I also give and feeling like I'm 100% not worshiped by anyone.
Does anyone have an idea what I should do?
I can't help but understand that feeling. I have a few friends but not really close to them. Like I'll say what's up and they a couple hours later say good but thats it. I try to reach out even tho I have social anxiety and struggle to talk to people I seem like I like to talk since I try but if they don't try and don't say they like you without you asking they aren't really good friends. They seem more like strangers you know the names of yk? I would love to be your friend if you like. I may not respond immediately but will try to do more than them at least. You seem really nice and misunderstood like me and I think you are great and shouldn't change yourself for those who don't care. Just find those who accept you for you 😊 🤗 ❤️
@Ilikenature08
Hey there! Thank you for sharing your story with us, it takes a lot of courage!
I know it stings and I know it's really bad. I have been in your shoes for long long years. Waiting for texts, literally looking at my phone every minute, trying to communicate that it hurts me that I'm feeling ignored by them and then feeling embarrassed when they didn't seem to get it. And that's the thing about it: they don't get it at all.
After 10 years of therapy, let me go into the technical part of it first! Your self esteem and the feeling of self worth partly comes from inside. I want to do/achieve XY, I put the time and effort in it, it's done, feeling good. However, when your source of that feeling is outside, you will be helpless and cannot control how much you will get. When you get it, it's awesome, when you don't, it's painful. It's a natural human thing, we all struggle to keep the balance between the two, but when the scale tips too much to the outside sources, you will feel less and less control over your own mood and feelings. Whether they do it intentionally or not, it's not even important in this case (it will be later).
What you can do: find the things you like to do, that you are passionate about. If you feel like you don't have any, just try new things in general. It can be a social or solo hobby, that doesn't matter, because it will help you to focus your attention on yourself and the thing that you are doing. Even if you only dedicate an hour a day for drawing or a bike ride, or learning about history, whatever floats your boat, it will be an hour when you won't look at that phone that much. Maybe you will still, and it's okay, but with time, the more things you try out and get into, the bigger chance that you find something that really captivates your attention.
And how does it help: when you think about yourself and feel that you are the person that everyone ignores, you can put a sidenote to that "who also cooks the best muffins and knows everything about birds and loves to go for long walks to think". That will take some of the edge off the pain of them not giving you enough of their time or love or respect, because you will slowly build up your own source of self love that you can rely on later on.
The other great thing about doing new thing is that other people are probably into it. New people. And you already have a shared interest with them. You would be amazed how many good and kind and cool people are out there doing all kinds of things! (Please be careful of course)
And lastly, the more people you get to know, the more you will be able to put your current relations into perspective. Do they respect me the way I respect them? Do they give me the way I give to them? These are only scary questions, when the stakes are this high like you feel it right now. But I promise you, the more attention you are willing to pay to yourself, what you love, what interests you, the more self love and self respect you will find all of a sudden.
It's a bumpy road, lots of ups and downs, but it never hurts to treat yourself like you would treat someone you love and are responsible for. Trust me, there will be a time, when you will see that people ignores you and don't value the effort and time you put into the whole thing, and you will just brush it off because you will know and feel that it's their loss and move on. Not tomorrow, maybe not next week either, but it is there. And it really only needs one thing for start, you need to learn and accept that you really are a lovable person. And you deserve a lot of love not just from others, but also yourself! 😊
@Ilikenature08 Hey, if you need someone to talk to I'd be happy to be your friend. I'm looking for friends for similar reasons and this is like the first post I saw here
Hii, I would love too^^
@Ilikenature08 do you have any ideal contact methods?
@Ilikenature08 I am very sorry your friends are doing this. Please keep in mind, that people do have lives and they can get busy at times.
Yeah that's the point tho "at times" not "always"
@Ilikenature08 I so get your disappointment here. I desire a best buddy type friend that we connect many times a day or at least once every day. But that has eluded me as much as I try to reach out or send the timely attention to someone. It’s been a hard pill to have my advances of friendship be passed over. A new outlook of life I have learned in any given event or interaction is to take the positive and throw away the rest. (someone said it was an AA tip). I had to learn to take in whatever I could that helped and move on from desiring more. Because going through life can be like walking a series of stepping stones. We land on the one in front of us but only as a means to get us to the next step. Keep seeking the deep friendship you desire, while you fully grasp the support of the current step as the much needed bridge to your next path.
Thank you for posting. It has reminded me of what I too have to focus on.
@Ilikenature08 Thank you for opening up and sharing how you’re feeling. It takes courage to express emotions like these, especially when you feel like you're not being heard. What you're going through is incredibly painful, and it’s valid to feel upset and hurt when relationships feel one-sided. You deserve the same effort and care that you put into others.
It’s clear how much you value connection and how deeply you care for your friends. That kind of kindness and empathy is rare and beautiful, even if it’s not always reciprocated in the way you hope. It might help to think about setting boundaries not to shut people out but to protect your energy. Relationships should feel balanced, and while it’s okay to invest in others, it’s equally important to invest in yourself.
I wrote an e-book called "The Silence" that touches on feelings like these moments of invisibility, self-doubt, and longing for connection. It’s not a professional book, just something I created from my own journey. I share real experiences, challenges I’ve faced, and methods that helped me rebuild my sense of self and find clarity.
The book is priced modestly, not as a commercial product, but as a way to support my ongoing work and effort to help others feel less alone. If it resonates with you, you can check it out here: The Silence.
Remember, your worth isn’t defined by how others treat you or the number of texts you receive. It’s defined by the person you are, and from what you’ve shared, you are someone who cares deeply and loves genuinely. That is something extraordinary.
@Ilikenature08 if you have to text first then clearly they aren’t good friends! We’re here for you!
@Ilikenature08 I feel unimportant too, and lonely, do you want to chat?
Suree
Hey Hun, it’s your right to feel upset about being ignored and not prioritized but I can tell you one thing is that you are not unimportant. I understand your feeling of potentially loneliness and frustration, just so you know I’m always here to talk.
Comparison is thief of joy.
100 texts and messages a day do not equal in depth caring relationships
the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself, when you fully love and accept yourself exactly how you are you don’t need texts or messages from anyone else to validate you or provide self worth
texting and communicating with someone else should be out of love for someone else and not about their response
what activities or things do you love to do that give you joy in life?
Well, yes, but isn't that the point?
If you can't take the time to reply to me but to others, then you don't care.
And if you don't give a crap then you obviously don't do it out of "love"
I will never love me so much that idc about other people's responses or how they treat me because it will never sound "good" for me to only live off of self-love. That sounds horrible.
Well, I like watching anime and singing, but that won't give me so much joy in life that all my thoughts and hurts will be forgotten. Maybe for a day or a few hours, but that doesn't help much if every time before that, I'm struggling with this situation, and nothing changes.
