Depression Support Check-In: November 6th - 11th 2022

@kdsyahirah

1) How are you doing recently?..Doing well

2) How is your progress in your self care journey?.. need to up my game on self-care

3) What is a struggle that you're currently facing at the moment?..Find a new Therapist

Till when do we have to battle with our emotions?

@kdsyahirah 

1. How are you doing recently?

I'm on a even keel. Not doing good and not doing bad; I'm in a holding pattern. I don't mind being in a holding pattern for a while. At least, I don't have any pressing issues that could overwhelm me. So all is good for now.

2. How is your progression in your self-care journey?

I've worked very hard on my mindfulness practices. I even took the huddle discussions last session to increase my awareness of where and what I'm engaging in. And learned to better ground myself which has transferred to other areas of my life. It has worked remarkedly well with my depression exercises to help me stay in the here and now and not become trapped in a mental cage of my own making.

3. What is a struggle that you're currently facing at the moment?

Trying to keep negative people at bay; at home as well as at work. It's so difficult when you have to interact with people who are always in a negative frame of mind. It saps my energy and I become morose and gloomy myself. I've looked for techniques to use to prevent the spillover of their negativity into my life. And at work, having to be in close, personal contact is rather a daunting project to keep them at arm's length. But I want to progress, so I will continue to work on this.

1) how are you doing recently? - I think I'm actually not doing that well rn I just feel so empty and exhausted and I don't know what to do about it

2)how is your progress in your self care journey? - honestly I don't really know

3)what is a struggle that you're currently facing at the moment? - I think my biggest struggle is trying not to cry and spending the whole day in bed and also having my family around

hi, how are you?

I am doing well😊

May be triggering for some

1) How are you doing recently? Fighting the urge constantly to SH, failing most of the time. Actually fighting it now.

2) How is your progress in your self care journey? Trying to learn new ways to deal with things while talking to others on 7 cups

3) What is a struggle that you're currently facing at the moment? SH, overwhelming desire to be self destructive all while feel numb. A mess basically.

1. I think I'm doing okay at the moment. Woke up earlier than usual, which is actually astounding to me.

2. Just replaced a scented oil thingy. Now it smells like apple cinnamon in my room!

3. I'm still struggling with self-esteem, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. At least for now.

1. How are you doing recently?

I have been feeling like i’m falling a lot recently. Wasn’t really sure if this is the right place to open up like this. But perhaps my story will help others know they aren’t alone as well.

I can’t seem to understand why i’ve let myself fall so low recently. I spiral in my thoughts daily so sometimes I feel I have lost that point. I know I reflect way to much on the past.

So much to the point I create reflections upon the future which create fear and anxiety. I have gone through a lot of meditation and have read more self help books than I can count. In the beginning of it, it was amazing to me how I can change my thinking patterns, my paradigm. By being honest with myself and looking at my problems one by one and being accepting of the flaws. Seeing my wrong doings and my mistakes as lessons to improve. To try and find a balance of understanding.

Knowing that what has happened to me or what I’ve done in the past doesn’t need to define my future. I’m honestly surprised I had some sort of discipline to meditate for an hour a day, and engage in changing my thinking patterns.

Along the way I was trying my best at taking the process a step at a time, dissecting one trauma by one. Being loving to myself but also logical.

Trying not to sugarcoat anything anymore but not being too hard on myself.

That was me about 2 years ago. I’m only 21 now.

The me now doesn’t want to do anything, and it makes me feel trapped because somewhere Inside I do want to do things. I do care.

But this overwhelming presence of guilt and shame drown me.

My father would drink a lot, and when he was drunk he could be abusive. Thankfully he never physically hurt me, i’m unsure of my older brothers. I have a younger brother and i’m positive he wasn’t hurt but my mother was. His aggression gave me fear and anxiety for the first time.

There were moments where I couldn’t feel safe going home because I for some reason thought he would kill us.

A crazy thought right? I feel like I wasn’t normal for thinking that. There were some moments i wouldn’t see my father drunk, I know there was a great man behind the alcohol and his trauma. But sadly I couldn’t see that side nor did I know that side. Being maybe 9 years old at the time, my mind can only think the alcohol would make him do something violent.

Knowing he had hit my mom before, i for some reason didn’t think it was too far off to hurt us even worse. When telling my family about it, they’d tell me to calm down and that those things weren’t going to happen. Sadly my father passed away 2 years ago due to drinking too much. Type 2 diabetes and alcohol just don’t click y’know. At least with the amount he continued to drink.

With how sick he was becoming I thought I had already prepared myself for the worst in terms of his health. We all knew it was declining more and more and eventually he was on hospice. 2 years later I’m just now dealing with his death. I think thats what knocked me off my seat.

I did a bit of looking and saw that there is something called delayed grief. I’m thinking it just hit me late. And now i’m more depressed than I ever been.

Since my dad was aggressive at times, I found it sickening and decided not to be angry. A bad decision in the long run, i never expressed my anger about anything. But as of recently I have and its a new emotion to me at this age. I do things I regret like yelling at my girlfriend for small things. Because eventually it’ll be a big problem and she’ll want to leave. And truly deep down thats not what I want. We got together for a reason. I don’t want my depression to ruin us but it most likely has as of writing this.

I know there are more questions that need to be on this post but I hope you guys can understand I’m pretty drained just opening up about all that lol. This is just a bit of my life and somewhere deep inside I feel things will get better.

It may take sometime, but i have people that care for me even though I feel like I don’t because i’m distant. I just need to change.

My journey so far feels like its at a stop, I’m just struggling with finding myself.

@kdsyahirah

1) How are you doing recently?........ok

2) How is your progress in your self-care journey?..... That sucks at the moment

3) What is a struggle that you're currently facing at the moment? Trying to contain my anger and not being able to be consistent with my journaling.

I’m not good tbh