Depression Support Check-in: October 11th-31st 2021
Hi everyone, It's me here again hehe. It must be boring seeing me in every check in hehe. I hope all of you have been doing well. If you're not, know that you're not alone and we're here for you.
So let's proceed to our check-in. Here are questions for you :)
1) How do you feel at the moment? Feel free to tell us more.
2) What is something that keeps recurring in your mind at the moment?
3) How do you usually cope with your depressive episode?
Alright folks, that's all I have for today. Take care of yourself and know that we care about you. Let's meet again next time folks. Until next time, stay safe and take care :)
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@kdsyahirah
1. I feel sick to my insides today.
2. I can't stop thinking about how I hurt someone I really love and care about.
3. I don't know... I try a little bit of everything. I just know that I really shouldn't force myself to do one thing or another that I really feel the depression while I'm doing.
We all make mistakes. Keep remembering that there is someone else who also doesn't deserve to be beaten up - you. If you focus just on your mistake then you can't move forward from it. This is very hard to do because destroying ourselves is too easy. Sending hope and peace.@Torean
I feel tired, I haven't been sleeping well the past 2 weeks. 2 weeks ago, working 6:30am shifts, resulted only getting 5-6hrs of sleep per night. It usually takes me only the weekend to readjust my sleep cycle, but this time, after the passing of another week, I still haven't adjusted yet. I'm either wake up 2-3 times a night, or falling asleep around 3am. I have one 6:30am shift the coming Monday, and I have appointments after work, and going out for dinner with a friend. It's going to be a super long day.
A lot of things happened since September, met a new online friend, who I'm pretty sure I'm being scammed. I've been trying to keep a neutral friendship status, but he's really pushing it. I don't mind making a new online friend, but if he keeps on talking about giving his "company" money so we can "meet in the near future" someday (the amount he's asking for is absurd, and seems obvious he's trying to take my money and run with it), I'll have to start making excuses of not being able to afford it. Although I have a feeling I'm being tricked, amongst other online friends I've made, I hit it off almost immediately with him. Our conversations, it feels like we've known each other for a long time. We really understand each other. The other reason why I'm still unsure of his identity, is because he was introduced by a friend that has multiple mental health issues (where she makes up a lot stories, and I'm pretty sure she has hallucinations). Which makes how/where she met this guy very suspicious.
With that being said, ever since he started mentioning about money, I've been a bit uneasy on where this will be heading towards. It seems like we can become good online friends, because for once, amongst my other male online friends, I actually feel happy chatting with him. I look forward to our conversations (it's difficult to chat with him, as he "claims" to be in Korea, and I'm in Canada), so our time zones are different. But we once chatted for four hours, and I felt really happy. It kept me up that night and I even dreamt about meeting him. There is one good thing from this though, he had given me the motivation to pay for my subscription to finish a Certificate program. So, I've started back on that again, I haven't renewed the subscription before because I was so busy with my classes. Now after chatting with him, it has sparked my motivation to continue with the Certificate program, on top of my classes. I had been able to get ahead with my studies and assignments, that I've freed my weekend up to work on the final project (I only had a final project left in the Certificate program to complete it). I've made a course extension of 45 days.
To deal with my depressive episodes nowadays, I usually sleep on it. Or keep myself busy with school work so that my mind is not occupied with negative thoughts. Sometimes, while getting ready for bed, I'd watch some videos that usually results in some tears, just to let it out. I don't usually cry easily just from feeling depressed, so I usually use sad videos to help me release the stress and have a good cry~
@kdsyahirah
Now you are right to be suspicious. As soon as someone that you haven't met in person asks for money, then you cannot proceed with the friendship. I would tell him that.
However, what was really great about your message is when you pointed out that he gave you the motivation to move forward with the certification program. So something really good came out of the friendship. This wasn't a failed experiment. It was a valuable moment. @Jaeteuk
I think this guy is a fan account of an idol/celebrity that I like. So, him asking for money, he puts it in a way that it's for the Membership Fan card. I went to ask other fans of the real idol/celebrity, and found out the Membership doesn't cost as much as what this guy is claiming it to be.
Do you think I could just somehow keep the friendship, after I've dealt with the money part (of course, not giving any) and stay as neutral friends? I really feel a connection with this person..
Yes, at least this experience have returned my motivation back. I could continue to follow through with this dream job of mine and apply to a company that I had in mind the past summer. Before, I had already written a cover letter for that company. Now, after I finish this Certificate, I can revise that and finally send it off~
I think neutral friends is great. You simply say that you don't lend or give money to anyone. It is great that you are going to complete your certificate program. Congratulations. @Jaeteuk
Feeling let down scared and nervous today uncertain about the future.
I am so sorry. Did you want to tell us more?@lime0909
You aren’t alone! I currently am feeling the same way! I try to redirect my thoughts so I’m thinking of something positive or taking a step away from where you are and maybe step outside for
some fresh air. I see you posted this some time ago so I hope you are feeling better today and that things are looking up for you. @lime0909
@kdsyahirah
I'm just empty and hopeless
I can't stop thinking about ending it, but I'm really trying my best to fight my thoughts every day.
sleeping helps me to escape even just for a while.
The position that you are in is so hard. Are you talking to anyone about it? @JeanGrey107
Stepfather died today. Don’t miss him. He was an abusive asshole and my only regret was that I didn’t kill him myself.
I hate this health facility. They’re giving me injection antidepressants and antipsychotics because the pills aren’t doing anything. I broke another kid’s nose the other day because he kept bothering me.
I hate this place.
It is good that you no longer have to worry about your stepfather in your life, just the memory. Sending strength and peace.@Server8462
I don’t know what to do, Vase. I’ve got all this anger he never got to know and I’m just empty inside. This facility is a miserable place.
I know that it is really awful right now.
I hadn't thought in terms of that anger that you never got to express. That must be pretty awful. It can eat you alive from the inside. That is the kind of thing if I had experienced any of it that I would want to write out in a big long book and then burn it on a bonfire. Somehow in my mind that would send it down or up to wherever his soul was so that he could feel my pain.
I know that they aren't going to let you near any flames, but maybe just writing it or drawing it out would help to process.
Again, know that you are in my thoughts regularly. @Server8462
@bestVase7265
They won't allow me to have any writing utensils. Not even crayons after I dealt with the annoying kid I punched.
I'm going crazy in here.
I totally get the fact that it is really hard in there. It would be for me too. Know that I go and look for your comments every night because that is how often I think about you.
How are you getting access to the computer? Is there any chance that they would give you a blank computer screen to just type all your thoughts about your step father on? Maybe writing it all out and then hitting send/delete would begin to help you process? Or you could just type it all here. @Server8462
1) How do you feel at the moment? Feel free to tell us more.
I'm tired. Sort of dealing with how pointless things feel. I'm still trying to help my mother deal with her COPD and smoking since she started again on the 11th after quitting for 40 days. Most recently she's found a reason to not bother with starting physical therapy (something about how she'd gotten halfway to the appointment and called them up to cancel the appointment only to learn that she hadn't even been scheduled in the first place somehow). Now she doesn't think it matters if she goes and gets it done.
2) What is something that keeps recurring in your mind at the moment?
Just worry. Lots of it. I'm thinking about stupid stuff like whether or not my rent is going to increase and if the increase in SSDI is going to help. I'm just so tired lately.
3) How do you usually cope with your depressive episode?
I try and cope with a depressive episode by becoming active. I usually start doing chores or other tasks. If there aren't chores then I try to distract myself with Netflix or YouTube, video games, or sleep.
It may seem a bit less hopeless if you focus on the small rather than the large - one time at therapy or a single day not smoking. @integrityblues
@bestVase7265
Yes, thank you. I've been trying to gently walk her through the concept of taking it all one day at a time, addressing problems as they occur, as well as trying positive self-talk.
Then your job for you is knowing that you are doing all you can. She is lucky to have you on this journey with her. @integrityblues
@bestVase7265
Thank you. I think the hardest part of this has been accepting that sometimes doing all I can isn't going to end in the desired result. Or at least not anytime soon.
The point is to just keep trying and not beating myself up over it when she doesn't continue making positive changes or slips.
Keep reminding yourself that caring matters and that every moment is precious. @integrityblues
@bestVase7265
Very true. In these past few months I've learned more interesting things about my mother. So much more than when I was a child or young adult, really. I've started to cherish these moments when they occur.
That is awesome. Such memories are really special.@integrityblues
I feel low. My everything just feels off today. And I feel alone.
Days like that are really hard. Know that you aren't alone. There are many of us who understand exactly how you are feeling and want to cheer you on. @affableComputer6529
@kdsyahirah
1. I am feeling tired. I seem to be struggling a lot to fall asleep and then oversleep a lot. I only have one small window in my room too so that's messing with me. I'm trying to still take things step by step and have as much of a productive day as I can despite waking up late from the insomnia/depression.
2. I am struggling with ruminating thoughts and emotions about feeling lonely because of poor relationships with my parents/family and instability in my romantic life.
3. Coping skills. Trying to take things step by step and tell myself it's ok, I'm doing my best if I oversleep. I set 5 minute or 10 minute timers when I study because I struggle with focusing so much.
Not sleeping is really hard. What kinds of things have you been trying to help? @Daydreamer47
Hello, I’m new to the app and thank you for the kind words. As for my daily check in:
- I feel not bad, but lost. Like I’m just always sitting in limbo until I either have a breakdown at night or go to sleep. I’m currently very unhappy with my life but I don’t know how to change it.
- a recurring thought that I usually have is “I could/should be doing something productive right now” but I never know what that is or if I do have an idea, it never works out the way I wan it to and I usually just end up more frustrated and depressed.
- If I have a depressive episode, it usually ends with me either having a suicide ideation/attempt, a breakdown of sorts or just going to bed early. I’ve tried healthier methods in the past (breathing exercises, yoga, etc.) but they’d stopped working for a bit and I haven’t tried them in a while.
Thanks for listening 😊
Maybe start by redefining productive. What does it mean to you right now? @jem0402
1) How do you feel at the moment? Feel free to tell us more. I am feeling pretty good. I had an echocardiogram yesterday, a party today, I see my neurologist tomorrow, and the next day I talk to my cardiologist.
2) What is something that keeps recurring in your mind at the moment? Nothing
3) How do you usually cope with your depressive episode? I take my pills.
Sounds like lots of good progress on the medical front. @Offmytrack