The Paradox of Depression - Check-In: March 9th-15th 2023
The paradox of Depression
Some well-known examples are:
- Setting small, achievable goals: Instead of trying to make big changes all at once, we might start with small, achievable goals that are easy to accomplish. For example, setting a goal to take a short walk around the block or to call one friend each day. Achieving these small goals can help us build momentum and increase motivation.
- Using a structured schedule: A structured schedule is a set of tasks or goals to work towards each day. It can provide us with a sense of purpose and direction. Establishing a healthy routine can also help us regulate our sleep and eating patterns and improve our overall mood. Finally, having a structured schedule can give us a sense of control over our day-to-day life. We might schedule activities that are enjoyable, as well as self-care activities such as eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and engaging in relaxation techniques.
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Practicing self-compassion: It's important to be gentle and patient with ourselves as we work to break the cycle of inertia. Depression is challenging, and it's okay to take things one step at a time, cultivating a sense of self-compassion and avoiding negative self-talk.
I encourage you to read a great post on the meaning and value of self-compassion, written by @InvaderStitch in the Trauma Support Subcommunity: click HERE
- Getting extra support for breaking the inertia: Support from friends, family, or mental health professionals can provide us extra energy and motivation to overcome the paradox of depression. For example, a therapist could provide specific strategies for that, and the fact that you will get back to report how it's going, might make you feel accountable to them, which could be an additional source of motivation for doing what's needed.
- Motivational self-talk: Noticing our self-talk, avoiding negative chatter, and reminding ourselves of past successes and accomplishments, which show that we can achieve the goals we have set. Professional athletes use this "I can do it" technique on a regular basis to perform at their best.
- Do you feel this "Paradox" of not being able to do some things that might help deal with depression, precisely because you are depressed?
- What strategies do you use for breaking the inertia, getting out of this negative cycle, and actually doing healing and uplifting things?
- How have you been feeling these days?
@HealingTalk
Hi, Marcelo
- Do you feel this "Paradox" of not being able to do some things that might help deal with depression, precisely because you are depressed? Absolutely. I also think other things can be involved. For instance, I have social anxiety. So I've got two mental hurdles to clear.
- What strategies do you use for breaking the inertia, getting out of this negative cycle, and actually doing healing and uplifting things? I'm not very good at this part. Partially it's because I have physical problems so when I work out, if something gets injured, I stop working out again. But other things work, like telling myself it'll be ok.
- How have you been feeling these days? sometimes excited, at times overwhelmed
@purpleTree4652
I have the feeling that, with much effort, you can break away from this negative cycle, to move forward no matter what.
That you have a great tolerance for discomfort while pursuing a goal that is meaningful to you.
Like Friedrich Nietzsche said, "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how".
This is not true for most people, but I think it's true for you.
Even with all those hurdles, you are unstoppable.
@purpleTree4652
Hi, Tree. It’s good to see you again ♥️
I also struggle with social anxiety, so I can relate in my own way on struggling with both it and depression. I feel like the anxiety just makes the mess in my brain get jumbled even further. Working out can be tough when there are physical problems (something I have as well), so it’s good that you know when to stop and take a break in order to not further exacerbate any injuries.
I hope things have been going well for you, Tree. I’m always happy to spot you in the forums, and I’m proud of you for continuing to brave through every day. :)
-Autumn 🕯️
@TheAutumnWitch
Hi, Autumn! (big hugs) I love hearing from you. You're inspiration to me. You went through such a rough time with your birth family and you got out of it. You know that I was going through rough times with my birth family, too. Now that I don't work for them anymore, I haven't heard from them. And I haven't tried to contact them, either. Even though they mentally abused me all my life, it still hurts to cut them off.
I'm trying to get my life in order. I'm moving to another state in the beginning of May. It's a lot cheaper than where I live now. I was accepted to grad school. Now I have to figure out how to pay for it. I have some savings but not enough to pay for the whole 2.5 years. I've been applying for scholarships and student jobs. I hope I get something that way.
How are you doing? How's your bf? I completely agree about the anxiety just scrambling up other mental problems. It makes recovery trickier.
I hope you're well, my sister.
xo, Dawna
@purpleTree4652
(Returns hug) Hello, sister! Aww, I’m happy to be an inspiration to you. That means a lot to me. I’m so glad for you that you’ve found your own path away from your abusive birth family as well. I know it hurts to cut them off despite the abuse; I think the pain stems from knowing that things didn’t have to be this way. It would have been nice to be able to rely on our birth families; it should be the normalcy, not the exception. Alas, at any rate I’m glad that you have Chloe, and you have me virtually.
It sounds like things are falling into place with you! I’m so, so proud and thrilled for you. I wish you the best with moving, grad school, scholarships, jobs and overall establishing a new home for yourself. May Lady Luck be on your side!
I’ve been better. As you’ve seen, I went through a rough patch with losing my grandpa and interacting with my birth family. Other than that, not too much has happened. I have gotten a new job, but I asked my superiors if I could postpone my start date due to bereavement. Thankfully, they were very understanding. I’ve just been trying to focus on maintaining my mental health ever since. I went on a walk the other day, and it was peaceful save for being accosted by a strange man who was trying to creep on me. He left me alone after I pretended my boyfriend was calling me, though. I think the next time I go on a walk, I’ll take our dog with us. We live in a small town that has its unfortunate share of creepers.
Take care of yourself and stay safe!
-Autumn 🕯️
- Do you feel this "Paradox" of not being able to do some things that might help deal with depression, precisely because you are depressed? yes
- What strategies do you use for breaking the inertia, getting out of this negative cycle, and actually doing healing and uplifting things? take it one day at a time or even one hour or minute at a time and know it's okay to start over whenever you need to.
- How have you been feeling these days? i'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed by the economy and being an adult and uneasy in my relationship due to my bipolar disorder and with my mental health, im battling several disorders. i'm doing my best and that's what counts.
@charmingSky5972
Hi!
Thank you for coming here to this check-in!
It's wise and useful to recognize how depression makes it difficult to do the things that might make us feel better.
For one thing, there is an added merit in anything you do in that respect. It's good to acknowledge it and congratulate yourself for every small step you do take.
Focusing on the challenge at hand, and being kind and forgiving to yourself are also expressions of wisdom.
You have a mature and savvy approach to your life, with all its challenges.
I have a sense that you play the best possible way the cards that you were given.
Acknowledging and cherishing that you are doing your best, is the path to as much contentment and peace of mind as you can get.
Congratulations on that!
@HealingTalk
Ciao Marcelo:
Do you feel this "Paradox" of not being able to do some things that might help deal with depression, precisely because you are depressed?
I feel this every day. My head knows I should do certain things, but I simply lack the physical and emotional energy to do anything.
What strategies do you use for breaking the inertia, getting out of this negative cycle, and actually doing healing and uplifting things?
Most of the time I don’t. Every once in a while, I’m able to force myself into doing something.
How have you been feeling these days?
Constantly drained...
@UberRuminator
Hi!
Thank you for coming here to this check-in!
I am sorry that you feel so exhausted.
We do the best we can with the little energy we have left.
It's understandable that your mind goes further and faster than your actions. In a way, it happens to everybody. But for some of us, the distance is so long and difficult to cover...
The way to feel better, I think, is to recognize and accept our reality, being kind to ourselves as we are, celebrating the small, even tiny steps we can make.
Recognizing how valuable it is to walk some steps carrying a hundred pounds backpack.
Does it make sense?
Thank you again for coming here to share your thoughts and your personal experience with this!
All the best!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
I’ve resigned myself to the fact that there are certain things I simply can not do anymore. That makes things easier and more depressing at the same time.
@UberRuminator
We all, Homo Sapiens, have some potential and some limitations, which vary from person to person.
Knowing ours helps us take advantage of what is good in our life, without consuming ourselves in impossible endeavors and hitting against a wall, I Ihink.
Appreciation is key. Doing less and appreciating more.
- Do you feel this "Paradox" of not being able to do some things that might help deal with depression, precisely because you are depressed?
Yes, I do.
- What strategies do you use for breaking the inertia, getting out of this negative cycle, and actually doing healing and uplifting things?
Sometimes I can just start moving and doing things by not thinking about it, just being mindless about it, then I can keep going.
- How have you been feeling these days?
I've been worse, but there is a lot of room for improvement.
@WharfRat
Hi WharfRat!
Thank you for coming here to this check-in!
It's great that you have recognized this negative cycle and found a way to break through the inertia of depression and keep moving forward.
Your "Just do it" strategy seems great to me.
Once you start "mindlessly" moving, engaging in activities and getting things done, can start a positive cycle, ending that lethargy and creating motivation and momentum, which in turn motivates you to get more things done, which further motivates you, etc., etc.
I'm glad that you are feeling ok.
That "room for improvement" might give you hope that you will feel even better
The road is open ahead.
Thank you again for coming here to share your personal experiences and strategies for dealing with this issue!
All the best!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
Hi Marcelo ♥️
🕯️ Do you feel this “Paradox” of not being able to do some things that might help deal with depression, precisely because you are depressed?
Oh, yeah. Definitely.
🕯️ What strategies do you use for breaking the inertia, getting out of this negative cycle, and actually doing healing and uplifting things?
I tend to *try* giving myself a little pep talk, telling myself I can do it, that I can break it down if needed, and that there’s no shame in if I end up doing it poorly or not at all.
🕯️ How have you been feeling these days?
Extreeeeeeeeeeemely depressed. My grandfather passed away, and he was one of the few members in my biological family that always treated me kindly. As if that weren’t enough, going to say goodbye to him meant that I had to interact with some of my abusers again after having been out of contact for almost two years. The saving grace outside of seeing my grandfather one last time is that my best friend and boyfriend came with me to ensure my safety and that no one could mess with me any further.
Thanks for checking in on all of us ♥️
@TheAutumnWitch
Hi AutumnWitch!
Thank you for coming here!
And thank you for your consistent, active and thoughtful participation in the Depression Support Forum.
Members like you give life to this Community and make it the great supportive place it is.
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather. Losing a loved one can be incredibly difficult, especially when they were someone who treated you with kindness and love, in contrast with most of your biological family.
It's completely understandable that you are feeling extremely sad right now, and it's important to allow yourself time to grieve and process these emotions.
Grieving takes time, it can't be rushed. At the end of the process you might feel sad when thinking of your grandfather, but not overwhelmed and in so much pain. You will recall memories of the good moments, without all the suffering those memories might bring now
It sounds like the last farewell ceremonies were also a challenging experience for you, having to interact with some of your abusers.
That must have been very, very tough. You were courageous to be present, even knowing that you would be in such a disturbing situation.
I'm glad to hear that you had the support of your best friend to help keep you emotionally safe. It's wonderful to have people in your life who can provide you with support and care during difficult times.
In the coming days and weeks, I encourage you to prioritize your self-care and to reach out to your support system including your friend and 7 Cups.
Take things at your own pace and allow yourself to feel sad. Grief and recovery are not linear processes, and it's normal to experience downs (which might be severe) and ups (don't feel guilty when you feel better).
Be patient and gentle with yourself and know that though it takes time, you will eventually heal from such a great loss. Healing doesn't stop the sadness but makes it bearable.
I am glad that you have effective strategies for breaking the negative cycle of depression. Motivating self-talk, breaking down big tasks into small chunks, and being forgiving and kind to yourself are a great combination, that addresses all aspects of this issue. A "winning formula" to defeat the negative cycle, I think.
Congratulations on that!
Thank you again for coming here to share your life experiences and your valuable thoughts!
All the best!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
Marcelo,
Thank you for your thoughtful, kind message. Your concern and friendship adds a ray of light to the foggy darkness my mind is trekking through right now.
I have lost loved ones before, but my grandpa was the closest one to date. It feels like I lost a part of me, and it’s harder for me to do things that I usually could do before. I keep swinging between unsteady emotions, the most consistent ones being emptiness and sadness. Yesterday I had an upswing that brought me the closest to feeling “normal” in a while, but now I’ve sunk back down into a depressive mood. One way I can describe it is like slowly sinking into an abyss, but not drowning. Sometimes I’m floating just below the surface and can see the sunlight through the water, other times I’m in deep.
Interacting with my abusers was…definitely an experience. Thankfully, almost everyone restrained themselves for the sake of my grandpa. It’s amazing how he commanded everyone’s respect and love for us all to band together despite the toxicity so we could individually say our goodbyes. Some members were trying to lure me back into the family, others were just trying to take their anger out on me. I was having none of their illusions, with the help of my companions. It might not be the last time I see my abusers, though. I didn’t realize how far I came without them until then, and now that’s given me some grit to rally my strength and call them out on their treatment of me…but that’ll be much, much later.
Thank you again for taking the time to check in on me and send me warmth.
-Autumn 🕯️
@TheAutumnWitch
Thank you, Autumn, for your kind words!
It's understandable that you are feeling such a wide range of emotions. At this time it's okay to feel overwhelmed and like you're sinking into an abyss. You will not. But grief can be a difficult journey, and everyone experiences it differently.
It's good to hear that you were able to keep out of harm's way in the presence of the people that hurt you so much. The positive authority of your grandfather, and your companions helping you stay strong, might have strengthened your courage and resolve in such a difficult situation.
It's also great that this experience made you aware of what a long way you have treaded since you got rid of your abusers.
At the same time, it seems good to take things one step at a time and not rush into confronting them before you're ready. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and do what's best for yourself at each time. The time will come for that.
I wish you all the best!
Marcelo.
@TheAutumnWitch
Dear Autumn,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandpa. Sometimes God takes angels. Your grandpa sounds like a loveable man, with the way he commanded respect. God bless you and him.
I'm so proud of you for the way you handled being around your birth family. I bet your grandpa was proud, too.
--Dawna
@purpleTree4652
Thank you, Tree/Dawna. (Let me know if you have a preference for either name.) I’m sad that my grandpa is no longer with me here, but it’s reassuring to think that he’s walking with God now.
That means a lot to me. ♥️ I never talked to my grandpa after I ran away from the family- I was afraid he would be hurt and angry at me- but I sure hope he is proud of me. If anything, I take comfort in knowing that God can explain everything to my grandpa now that I can’t. I dearly wish I had more time to recover from the abuse and talk to my grandpa personally about why I left. But perhaps I never needed to explain myself. He loved me simply because he loved me, as this song that I associate with him goes: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wvd4Nd5GMG0
Thank you again for your friendship and words of support and love. ♥️
-Autumn 🕯️
Hi recently I have been struggling with depression and severe anxiety and I just need support from everyone on here.
@compassionateMoon4546
Love and blessings to you, Moon.
Thanks! 💖
@HealingTalk
Do I feel this "Paradox" of not being able to do some things that might help deal with depression, precisely because you are depressed?
- Yes, Marcelo, I do feel this paradox, and while sometimes the solution may be as simple as pushing yourself to do something even when you don't feel like it, everyone's case is different and there may be more complicated factors at play. I've learned a trick for getting mobilized from the work of Aaron Beck that often helps: schedule activities that are pleasurable, contribute to a sense of mastery, and are aligned with your values. Engaging in activities with as many of these boxes checked has proved effective.
What strategies do you use for breaking the inertia, getting out of this negative cycle, and actually doing healing and uplifting things?
- It definitely helps to have an "accountability partner" for certain activities. For example, telling someone else you'll workout or study at a certain time can give you extra incentive not to disappoint, thereby breaking the inertia. Another strategy might be to lower the expectations for certain activities, thinking of life as a marathon not a sprint. For example, I will be less likely to go and work out if I have the overwhelming idea in my head that I'll be doing an intense workout for 1 hour. We are better off valuing progress over perfection, and so I'm learning to be satisfied just going for 15 minutes that day to break a sweat and do some light stretches, to simply check the box and build consistency day-to-day.
How have you been feeling these days?
- I've been doing well these days, thanks for asking. I'm grateful for all the resources on this website.
@ListenerGeorge
Hi, George !
Thank you for coming here to this check-in!
That technique by Aaron Beck seems useful, well-devised, and definitely something to learn and try. So you first train yourself on breaking the inertia in itself, by choosing activities that might be best suited for that. Once we can do it, you apply this learned skill to other activities you choose. Thank you for sharing this idea!
Accountability certainly helps. Even having to tell your therapist how you are doing is a motivation. We have two accountability schemes in Cups, one is the "Buddy Program" in the Healthy Living Subcommunity, the other is Heather's Wellness Accountability Challenge: https://www.7cups.com/forum/PositivityGratitude_170/InspirationMotivation_2229/TaketheWellnessAccountabilityChallenge_292893/
There is a brand-new Subcommunity called "Motivation & Accountability" but it's a mystery to me so far: https://www.7cups.com/home/motivation/
Adjusting expectations is another effective approach There is this great phrase by (the very prolific) poet William Stafford: “if you get stuck, lower your standards and keep going.” I do use it a lot.
I am glad that you have been feeling well lately:
Thank you again for coming here to share your thoughts!
See you soon!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
- Do you feel this "Paradox" of not being able to do some things that might help deal with depression, precisely because you are depressed? I feel like anything I do is too little too late to help me.
- What strategies do you use for breaking the inertia, getting out of this negative cycle, and actually doing healing and uplifting things? Meditation, Reframing, .....................
- How have you been feeling these days? 💩
@Gettingbettertoday
Hi, Gettingbetter!
Thank you for coming here to this check-in!
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad lately.
It's great that you have learned and are practicing advanced and effective coping strategies like meditation and reframing. These are excellent tools that can be very helpful in managing depression.
It's understandable that you feel like anything you do is too little too late to help you. That's the negative cycle of depression pulling you back. Depression is tough, and it can be difficult to feel like anything is making a difference.
Improvement is a never-ending gradual process. Even if it doesn't feel like it's making a big difference, every little bit helps.
I wish you that you feel better soon.
Thank you again for coming here to share your thoughts!
All the best!
Marcelo.
