Depression Support Chat (9/9/2015)
Amelia
September 14th, 2015
This was the fifth of a series of Wednesday night (10p EST) guided discussions in the Depression Support Room--feel free to join us next week! Tonight's discussion, Depression and Stigma, was attended by both members and listeners! Below is a summary of the questions as well as some of the responses (for confidentiality reasons, I chose to leave member/listener names off of the specific quotes):
(1) On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the worst and 10 the best, where would you place yourself based on your feelings right now? Can you explain why youre feeling that way?
----Overall, a wide range of numbers: 1-8
----7….I feel good today.
----5….just mind of blah right now.
----6 or 7....better than the last week, but still stressed and anxious.
----6 out of 10….a little bit anxious looking into the future is making me anxious, will try to focus on the present now.
----Ill be 10 tomorrow.
----5…..I was a 2 before coming to this chat….feeling like a 5 because Im going to try something new tomorrow and that gives me some hope….but Im also scared of failing.
----2 because I can only blame myself for the shit-storm.
----3….today is not my day.
----I would say 2….but with 2 discussions in line—that helps, so I'm at a 4.
(2) What are some of the misconceptions, stereotypes or myths you hear about depression the most frequently? Where do you think they come from?
----That it's all 'in the head'.
----It's not a real medical condition -- it's just a bad mood, so I should snap out of it. I really hate that.
----That we can snap out of it.
----You aren't fit to parent.
----Snap out of it.
----Youre just seeking attention….I get this a lot.
----One misconception is that people work depression are just lazy. I want to accomplish stuff but some days I can't make it off the couch.
----Depression is for losers and ugly people looking for attention.
----Too sensitive.
----Over dramatic
----Just act happy.
----You just need to exercise.
----How about this: you don't do anything"
(3) How could you change those views or thoughts using your own experiences to describe how depression affects you?
----It is impossible to snap out of it.
----I just need to talk more and say what is really going on in my head.
----Depression is ongoing.
----I have failed at that so far. I don't think I've really helped anyone understand depression better. Maybe my husband a little...
----I focus on changing my thought pattern on a daily basis its hard and takes a lot of motivation to do but Ive found a great outcome.
Could you explain to people how it's not something to just snap out of?
----I dont know... Ive tried to explain to people how I feel and why I feel that way about myself but they dont understand.
----You can't really explain adequately to someone that's never been there.
----I feel like the most awful response ever is "snap out of it" because I feel like it implies that I am someone stupid because if snapping out of it was the solution, why wouldn't I have done that a long time ago???
Could you use examples from your life to explain to people why certain stigmas are untrue?
----Depends on the person really."
----I haven't always been this way.
----I told my husband that when he sprained his ankle, I didn't tell him to just suck it up and get off the couch...
----If someone is narrow minded, I wouldn't bother explaining.
----Its not at all something you can just snap out of….theres always gonna be some sort of emotional sadness in your life….its just learning how to when you think a bad thought reflect on it and turn it in to a good thought.
----I recognized his ankle as an actual problem that needed treatment and healing time... and depression is the same thing.
----The fact Im hurting should be all the example thats needed....but its not.
----I personally plan on going into the Psychology field, RocketsMom. Either as a researcher, or as a spokesperson, an advocate, a counselor, whatever. Speak to whoever will listen, and speak more loudly at those who don't. I'd draw from my experiences and explain that the entirety of depression is so much larger than we realize, and so much more depth than we know. It's a serious obstacle and it's deadly. And we aren't doing enough for those currently trapped.
----Its not like a physical illness that you take some pills and youre better....
----The other day, I actually said, out loud, that I'd rather have a broken leg than feel as bad as I felt....
And, that's a great point. Physical illnesses or injuries are usually better understood than mental illnesses such as depression. Do we agree?
----It has taken a long time for folks to understand.
----I'm not sure.
----Yes rockets….agreed.
----See no one has the right to judge someone on their feelings! We all feel differently….we all share our own opinions.
----I have a mom and 3 sisters and none of them really get it. Super frustrating because I can't go to them for support....
(4) A common coping mechanism with depression is to hide how youre feeling around other people, and act differently than how you truly feel, like wearing a mask. How do you think that contributes to the reputation depression has?
----People don't realize how devastating it is because we're never 100% honest.
----It means people dont understand. But even when u show them... they still dont understand anyway.
----Funny thing is, my mom worries excessively. I think she actually as depression but has never been diagnosed or treated for it. Yet when I try to explain to her what I'm dealing with, she tells me to snap out of it!
----I feel that depression is not being addressed in schools. People need to be educated about it so they can have some understanding about it.
----The only thing psychiatry is doing is legalizing medication experimentation on patients because they are manipulated into being willing candidates as you spin the wheel in which your hamster mind relies on for stimulation you will fail to see the stack of medical notes gathered from documenting the decline of your natural life force. You become a chemically subdued vegetable of your own mind. After you lose half of your already damaged ego due to them diagnosing you with "Mental illness" you will self-destruct and distance yourself from everything you love until your world becomes so isolated and cold that the frostbite they have implanted into your mind eventually kills you and in the process killed everything you love.
----I think that if we hide how we feel we're feeding the thought that depression is something to be ashamed of....
Do you guys think that some of the coping mechanisms, like "wearing a mask," make the stigmas worse?
----Trying to explain depression isn't always worth it... because some people will never "get it" and then I end up feeling worse!
Because it makes it seem like no one actually has depression?
----If we show it we will be treated like children.
What are some of your experiences with masking?
----Masking makes me sad….but feels safer.
----Yeah. Cause Im always wearing a mask at work. And suddenly when I show a glimmer of the real me, people think Im just acting or fishing for compliments.
----Keeping busy with specific task and having a planned schedule on what to do next helps.
----Everyone was stunned the first time I was hospitalized. They had no clue I was that desperate and sad.
----I simply can't mask, my whole personality disappears.
----Most people who don't realize Im depressed—I do think their expectations are higher than what I'm capable of at times.
----Rockets, I think that's an interesting insight. So the idea is that people mask their depression because they fear stigma?
----My husband told me that the last time we went to a family gathering at my mom's, I was snippier than usual while we were there and in a crappy mood that night. I didn't even realize it, but clearly "faking it" takes its toll....
----I masked a lot with my ex. If I ever had an anxiety attack, I was told to stop being a child, stop overreacting. I mask with therapists because I'm afraid if I'm 100% honest, they'll place me in a hospital somewhere. I mask with my mom, because I don't want her to know the severity of how much I'm hurting.
----Faking it is something that society has decided we need to do. It's ridiculous. We are people too. Everyone needs help sometimes. It's not fair.
----I get so tired of being different people. It depresses me that I can't express my true feelings in this world.
----Maybe feeling like their emotional life is invalid, or not something that deserves attention from others?
----Even in front of my parents, I take the mask off and let the tears run.....get told to suck it up and stop being a baby.
----I often feel like I can't talk about things I want to talk about because it's not deemed appropriate. But why not? Why are people that are sad considered to be weak or dramatic? It's so frustrating.
----It's exhausting wearing a mask!
So masks might make us feel safer but also cause problems?
----Very exhausting.
----I agree!! I am so tired after faking it all day!!
----Yeah....usually faking it makes me feel worse....
----Yes they are very tiring.
----I wished I liked myself enough where I didn't have to wear one.
----So Im hiding my depression which makes the depression worse.
----I have masked very severe depression, and I find this discussion interesting.
----But you do it for them, I guess....because you can't bear trying to explain it yet again.
----Very few people in my life know that I have suffered from it at all, and most seem surprised about it.
----Its a vicious cycle of self-hate.
(5) Whats the most difficult part of describing depression to others for you?
----Many things.
----Justifying it!
----Admitting you have it!
----I can say I'm sad. But can't explain how deep that sadness is.
----People don't like to hear what I think about life.
----My ex told me he would take my children if I had to go into the hospital again. I was forced to fake wellness out of fear until I couldn't manage it anymore....ended up in the hospital and now I'm losing my kids.
----Trying to explain the parts that debilitate you. Many of my friends tell me to "go take a walk" or "I know it sucks but you just have to make yourself do it".
----Agreed….many people don't understand how far it reaches.
----That frustrates me--people refusing to acknowledge it as an illness.
----The most difficult part is know EXACTLY what they will say in response. The typical snap out of it... Oh but you are pretty... Just have confidence....blah blah blah.
----I think the hardest part to describe is explaining to others you're living in a body that fights to survive, while having a mind that fights to die. They don't understand the constant struggle.
----Some depression is caused by brain abnormalities.
----Some people think depression is all about sadness.
----Like if I talk to someone, I just need support, understanding.
(6) Has anyone successfully described depression to someone else? What did you say? If not, what would you say?
----I did Rockets….but it was to a former therapist, she's a friend and of course she understood.
----I think it's so personal for everyone.
----Depression can't fully be explained. You can explain the science of it, sure. But to truly be able to explain to someone who has never experienced it? Impossible. A lot like love. Except the exact opposite of love. The same thing, just on different sides of the spectrum.
----I cant explain it to anyone. I just want them to know that what I am feeling is real, and its serious, and I can't make it stop without their support.
----But, again, we all have our own experiences. I don't think there is any right or wrong answer, to be honest.
(7) Whats the one message you would like people to know and remember about depression?
----I really don't know.
----One message: this is not the way I am usually, I am going through a hard time.
----That we are not our disorder, yet it is a part of us.
----"Please dont give up on me."
----My depression does not keep me from being able to love and take care of my family.
----My one message: Be compassionate.
----We don't choose to feel this way.
----That even if we want to change it, we cant just cure our own depression by thinking happy thoughts.
----That it is just something we have, not what we are. And that we need help getting rid of it. And that they can still love who we are without always seeing us as the depression and not as the awesome people we are.
I think for me, getting across the fact that I am a person with depression. Depression does not define me. Does that make sense?
----Makes complete sense.
----Im different—I would say ‘please understand...from a distance.
----Yes, Rockets....I hate when someone just thinks of me as that depressed lady....
----Yea rocket....thats what I was trying to say.
----I wish everyone knew that it can't be fully controlled.
----My biggest thing with mental illness is that it sometimes hurts as much as if somebody shot me with a bullet. The biggest thing with depression is some days are worse than others and I wish people understood you can't always just get over it.
It's not a choice and it doesn't define me.
----For me, I just want people to understand how fatal it is, how intense it is. It isn't something I can just "get over". It isn't something a simple routine will fix. It's real. It's gigantic. And it hurts. So much.
----There is way more to me than that. I may be a mess on the inside, but what my kids see is a supportive, caring person who would do anything for them.
----It comes in waves.
----I can be well.
----Even when we are having a great day, we still have depression.
----That depression affects everyone differently and can be triggered by many things, but with work, you can manage it.
----That is has no relation to my strength or will power, no direct connection with my integrity as a person. Its crushing and all-consuming for everyone equally.
So, how could you say it in a way that many people might understand?
----It doesn't matter where you are. In what seems like *** or the absolute best place ever. You can still be depressed. It literally does not matter what is going on around you. It will still swallow you. It shouldn't be taken personally by others, but it does.
----I kind of want to say... Please take my depression seriously because it is serious. If you want more information, I would be happy to provide it so you can better understand it.
----It's hard for others to understand though, especially if they've never experienced it.
----I want people to take it seriously enough to know it's real. But not take it so seriously to where it's how I'm defined.
----People think you have to have a reason to be depressed, that isn't true.
(8) What can we, as a community, do on the individual and group level to change the way depression is perceived by others who dont have it?
----Educate and raise awareness.
----Definitely awareness.
----I want to say not hide it, but I honestly don't think that's realistic....at least not for me....because it would cause me all different kinds of stress.
----Never stop talking about it.
What about tell people about ourselves? That might reduce stigma?
----Share our stories, our hells. Don't be afraid to tell of the dirty secrets of depression.
Does anyone think that sharing our stories instead of wearing a mask might be easier said than done?
----I once thought of a great way to, as a community, make it more aware and such. But I got too tired and no motivation to put it in plan….nor the care to.
----I think I get scared that people will judge me....but Im sure if I explained, they'd understand more than I think they would.
----I don't even like telling people here what I think/feel and I regret everything Ive said so far.
----Regardless if we hide it, people will always be ignorant to it. If they don't experience it, they don't understand it. Most don't accept what they don't understand.
----When I was a kid and teenager, no one talked about bullying. But now there is much more awareness. That needs to happen with depression, too.
----Yeah, but isn't anything we do easier said than done? May as well struggle for something that could make a tidal wave like impact.
----Yes, I would like to tell people what I'm going through, but I don't want to deal with people not handling it appropriately.
----I don't think it would be easy to share my stories….especially to those who knew me.
----It is happening. More and more are learning about it. It sucks that it took so long to get here and so many lives had to be taken before getting to this point. And it needs to go further.
----I think I just don't want people to label me. Yes, I am depressed among other things, but I'm also a person who still enjoys some things on good days ya know?
----We have come a long way....true, but not far enough. We have so much further to go. So many more advances could be had.
----That's one of the things wrong with the world. To them, everything has to be labeled.
----I think if I had to tell people no one would understand me because I'd be an emotional wreck.
(9) At the beginning of the discussion, we asked you to rate how you were feeling on a 1-10 scale, with 1 being the worst and 10 the best. How would you rate how youre feeling now?
---- Ranged from 2-7
----I missed the first one, but I can say I always feel better after I chat. 💜
----Just glad to know people understand.
----And accepting.
----Relatively better now after the discussion.
Thanks to all who participated....hope to see you again next week. All are welcome to join--please check the community calendar for a list of guided discussions occurring in the Depression Support chat room!!
@TortueDesBois @R1993 @amusingPark7031 @AMARIGE @amiableCoconut9802 @LeahMcK89 @bubbleField822 @oatmealcookie @scamp @ScorchingDisaster82 @Sinucon @OtterBunny @darkdemon26 @redhairgirl97 @empathicPenguin @HighForce @persistentSugar3961 @ValentineLove @unbroken275 @tidyCat3626 @WingardiumHermiosa @snerpent657 @LostGirl92 @dbb10 @HeyItsHeather @ashtray @redSailboat2301 @stayingstrong4him
Leadership Tags: @Heather @MissZ @Acinonyx
Heather
September 15th, 2015
Whoa! Great notes :)
fluttershy13
January 23rd, 2016
Good information!
Amymarie0417
January 23rd, 2016
2- my best friend left me for their s/o. And its really hard to handle
SaraLynn3004
May 11th, 2016
This was so helpful hearing what others think and feel about depression and stigma!!
Roadie
July 30th, 2016
Are these still happening??
4 replies
AffyAvo
July 30th, 2016
@Roadie Yes, I find the best place to see the schedule is MissZ's feed.
3 replies
Roadie
July 30th, 2016
Thanks for that @AffyAvo. Much appreciated
2 replies
AffyAvo
July 31st, 2016
@Roadie Was happy to share it! I hope the calendar gets updated soon.
@Roadie @AffyAvo
Dillion also posts the schedule pretty often so if you don't see it on MissZ's feed, that's a good option also :)
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