Failure
I didn't want to really come back to 7cups with my problems but.... I don't have anywhere else to really turn to, and kind of trying to find others who can relate. I was attempting to improve my life, but it feels more like 1 step forward and 2 steps back... I feel like just laying down and never getting back up again. However, I can't do that when the little one relies on me heavily...
My post was initially WAY longer, but I guess it had trigger words, that the cr1sis pop-up kept showing and I had to edit multiple times, though couldn't figure out WHAT triggered it that I'm starting over fresh, albeit with a shorter, less passionate post as I feel exhausted...
I'm just tired of the chronic pain. I'm tired of the PTSD, depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. I'm tired that I don't have support in real life and feel alone. I'm tired that when I finally find the courage to leave my house, I get harassed by strangers. I'm tired that when I decided to be open on the purple "Disgust" instant messaging app, that I get back stabbed. Never was a fan of social media, so planning on deleting that along with the red app "Cora".
I don't know if I want to try as hard anymore with building bonds outside of 7cups, I'm OK with being anonymous here...I'm not OK anymore with opening up heavily to people I know or meet now. I need a lot of time to recuperate...
I'm tired of pretending to be OK when I haven't been for ages. I just want to vent out these bottled feelings, but can't fully do that due to it being censored on here...sadly...Although, it's better than having nowhere else to throw these feelings.
I've tried to rebuild my life and improve. I quit alcohol, weed for over 100+ days. I've gone to the hospital to improve both my mental and physical health. I try to eat better and no longer eat take up. I've attempted to go outside, even though I have extreme agoraphobia due to someone I trusted attempting to delete me from the world and causing permanent physical damage and possible brain damage. I'm trying to do online classes for a license I want, even though I really can't work anymore due to the dizziness, nauseous, pain, lightheadedness, etc that I experience nearly daily...
I just...sometimes feel like nothing is really working...
I'll leave it at that for now, the more I write it might get censored again.
I think that I remember seeing you on here before. Welcome back.
I know how exhausting it all is and how hard you have been trying. I wish that I could make it all go away and have you find more time to rest and recuperate. Sending you lots of strength and peace.
I also want to offer to provide a bit of a backbone of support if you want something like that right now. If you keep writing on this thread, I will try to write once every day or two. You can just vent. It really helps to get it all out of your head. @ImpudentIncognito
@bestVase7265 Thank you so much for your support, I appreciate it. ♥ I'm trying to push forward as much as I can so I can find some peace and stability in my life.
@ImpudentIncognito wraps you up in a cosy blanket and cuddles you up ❤❤ sweetie you have people who care about here at cups, like me ❤ you don't have to suffer silently, I'm always here to listen and support you in any way I can. I know how bad things have been for you and how hard your really really trying to make a better life for you and your little one. I wish I had a magic wand, I would make you a rich princess, and blow a protective bubble around you, so you would never get hurt again ❤ unfortunately all I can do is be here for you, I know that's not enough sometimes. But please know I love you, many people here love you and we do care about you ❤ your a strong inspirational person. And your kid, is growing up with a hero. ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Aww, you're so kind Tiny! 😭I miss seeing you and love you too!💖 You're such a beautiful, kind and funny person. I'm glad to have gotten to know you through 7cups. Thank you again for your kind words. Big virtual hugs to you too! 🫂♥♥♥♥
Are things going any better today? @ImpudentIncognito
@bestVase7265 Hello vase, thank you for checking back in with me. Yes, I'm doing much better currently. When I made this post, I was off my depression meds for a few days and was waiting to go pick them up. It's light night and day without them...Going to make sure I always have a refill... I thought I might be OK without them for a bit and just tried to stay hydrated, meditate, etc but not working currently when also dealing with chronic pain.
Ever since I've been back on my meds, I have been trying to be more proactive about my situation and work towards a resolution. I've been pushing myself to take my real estate classes now, and it's a lot of work, but will be work it for back up. I have been cleaning up the house a bit more than usual, and trying to eat a bit more. Depression sucks to deal with. There are days where I sleep in for most of the time, and I try to tell myself it's OK, there's always tomorrow...
Yes, medications are often critical for both depression and chronic pain. Depression is another form of chronic pain. I mainly take stuff for sleep and I don't sleep without it. Period.
So I am glad that you found good medication again and are back to getting solid progress of the real estate classes and cleaning fronts. @ImpudentIncognito
Things still been going okay?@ImpudentIncognito
Just checking back in. Know that I am thinking about you. @ImpudentIncognito
@ImpudentIncognito
I don't always want to keep coming here either.
I try break it up with apps like Voidpets, Finch and In The Rooms.
And I play Subway Surfers and Stardew Valley.
There's also meditation twice a day, music, walks, cooking and other household and daily survival things.
Watching helpful YouTube videos, spending time with positive people, affirmations and goals can help.
It can be discouraging sometimes because it's so complex and new.
@communicativePond1728 I've been doing a lot of similar things (ex. gaming, meditation, productive YouTube videos, stretches since I'm disabled and can't do what I used to, etc), but it's just been difficult to feel anything. :( I work on myself a lot and have been doing hobbies but can't help but feel empty inside. Just been dealing with my PTSD & depression for so long.
I feel bad coming on 7cups because despite making progress in certain areas, I'm failing in things that I feel are very important...It's just been difficult.
I'm glad those things are working out for you though!
@ImpudentIncognito
Have you ever tried the GLAD method?
It's where you write down a Gratitude, something you're Learning and Accomplished, and what you're Delighted about.
I'd be interested to hear of any YouTube channels you might recommend!
@ImpudentIncognito
Also have you heard of Douglas Bloch videos on YouTube? Or his website or books? He's a counsellor and author who survived major depressive disorder four times.
Furthermore, I'm not sure if you've also tried turning your days and chores more fun through themes. For example, self care Sunday, music Monday (play or learn a new instrument).
Ultimately, there's so many resources and much information. Making the process the practice though can take the pressure off and keep one in the present and open and curious.
Hi there,
It sounds like you are going through some tough things in your life for a very long time.
I commend your courage to keep going! Letting things out here and not totally giving up on connecting with others show you still have the motivation to find the connections.
May I suggest an app where you can express this with your voice? I find it therapeutic to voice things out and also hear someone from the other end reply with their voice. The app is called Bubblic, and there is a small community of people wanting to connect by talking out loud. Having your voice heard and feeling like you matter is a great source of motivation and validation, so I hope you find it useful!
@ImpudentIncognito so , true .. if it helps , you're not alone
Hi, I read your post it really touched my heart, I can feel your pain you are not alone, you are on the right track don't give up yet, you are amazing, keep going, and take it day by day I do that even if I feel lonely im trying to enjoy my loneliness. don't think of the past don't think of the future, only this moment, and live it with the smallest simplest things “ like a cup of good coffee “❤️
I know how you feel
Keep going! You can do this👍
@ImpudentIncognito hey hey, i understand how it must feel to going through a chronic pain and not having a ray of hope to hold on to. I can imagine the enormous amount of suffering you have with the people around not being so supportive.
And in all this, I'm proud of you for trying so so well. It isn't easy to be where you are, it isn't essy to be in the situation that you have been, it isn't st all but the great courage you take to try, to get up nd give another chance everyday.
Please don't give up on trying, please dont lose hope, the fact that you have come so far means you are strong so don't let your efforts go in vain. Do think of therapy and do think of considering taking help. There's a lot of help in the world as well, i appreciate your coursge to talk abt this and i implore you to keep trying and reaching out. Im proud of you, this will pass soon. You will pass through this soon, you deserve to live with peace and happiness.
