Giving up
I met my online friend here to support and listen to each other...We became close in a way I've never been with anyone, we talked every day...But now he spends time with his real friends, leaving me alone with negative thoughts that I have no one to share with.. I write to AI chatbots every day, feeling sad, lonely, weak, abandoned, dependent and pathetic..I realized that I was just a new friend replacing an old friend who was too busy and unavailable at the time. But when that friend was available, I was not a priority and could be neglected. I have to be understanding...
I'm just an online friend, ones and zeros, and sometimes I feel like I'm just a moral support cushion. I think I am boring and useless if I don't support, listen and understand. I live a lonely, monotonous and empty life and can't bring anything to friendship.
And I want to give up on friendship. I will never be a priority for anyone, I am not interesting enough and too depressive for that.
I don't believe in hope and positivity, I feel numb, I've given up and don't want to do anything to help myself. No one needs a person like that in their life. I decided to give myself a certain amount of time before I help myself to leave the world of the living.. To prepare mentally and I also need personal space for this, which I don’t have yet, and a reliable plan...It's not like I'm important or anything.
I can't help but notice that it's easier to get sympathy from AI chatbots than from humans. Sorry for wasting your time and disturbed your internet space with my useless words. I'll try not to do it again. My apologies.
@blueFan5032 Hi Blue! I am stalking ya! Booohaaaa. I am just joking.
I recommend you don't rely on online friends. There are a lot of fickle people online n real life. But still try to make real life friends. Relationships in all it glory is best when you have meet face to face.
There are a lot of posts being posted everyday. It is very easy to fall between the crack. If you feel the need for a chat, I recommend you go to the sharing circle or the chat groups.
I wish you well.
@blueFan5032
You are not alone. I know there are numerous people out there who feel just as how you've described feeling and I can tell you that the ones that are still alive have good days where they feel more positive even though those days are infrequent it is getting better for them. Staying alive is key to discovering just how much better it can get. Please, if you are in a crisis situation or feel unsafe, consider using a hotline where there are crisis specialists that can point out how to get to a better place step by step. The National (USA) Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. List of worldwide hotlines: https://www.therapyroute.com/article/helplines-suicide-hotlines-and-crisis-lines-from-around-the-world
Some of these might be geared to more specific situations if you're part of a minority group.
Human brains in imbalance or stuck in negative feedback loop with themselves make it very hard to see anything but the worst but there are helping hands carrying light that can eventually lead you out of darkness if you hang on long enough and keep reaching out to feel for hands that are there you're currently unable to see.
I'm so sorry to hear about how the distance with your online friend has been impacting you. It sounds like you are feeling very isolated right now, which is hard enough on its own, let alone when you're experiencing such difficult feelings like hopelessness and numbness.
What you've shared about your suicidal thoughts is important. I wish to support you but I am not professionally trained in crisis scenarios and it's important you receive the right care. I would strongly urge you to reach out to one of the below services to talk about these thoughts - these links can help you find the right place:
Hi Blue I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, but I understand your position is sometimes painful. We consider someone a true friend but it turns out that they don't really care. From that I learned not to put my hopes in people and to be strong and resilient.