Stuck
Since becoming a mother, my experience with depression has deepened in ways I never anticipated, transforming my life into a series of overwhelming challenges that often feel insurmountable. The joy that was supposed to accompany this new chapter has frequently been eclipsed by a pervasive sense of loss—not just of my former self, but also of the confidence that used to propel me through life. In the beginning, I was filled with excitement and anticipation, envisioning all the beautiful moments I would share with my child, but as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, I started to feel like a shell of the person I once was. The constant demands of motherhood, from sleepless nights to the never-ending cycle of feeding, changing, and comforting, began to take a toll on my mental health. I found myself caught in a vicious cycle where each day felt heavier than the last, a relentless burden that drained my energy and spirit. The vibrant person who once pursued her passions and dreams now felt trapped in a haze of self-doubt and inadequacy, as I struggled to embrace the identity of a mother while mourning the loss of my individuality. I began to compare myself to other mothers, scrolling through social media and being bombarded by images of seemingly perfect families, which only deepened my feelings of isolation and despair. It became increasingly difficult to shake off the negative thoughts that invaded my mind, whispering that I wasn’t doing enough, that I was failing in both my role as a mother and as an individual. Each time I looked in the mirror, I was confronted by a stranger; the reflection no longer held the spark of creativity and ambition that once defined me, and instead revealed a tired, overwhelmed woman who felt like she was merely going through the motions of life. The joy I should have felt in my child’s milestones was often overshadowed by a pervasive sadness, as I grappled with the guilt of not being able to fully engage in those moments due to my mental state. It was as if a fog had descended upon my life, making even simple tasks feel monumental, and with each passing day, I felt myself slipping further into despair. The struggle to maintain a facade of normalcy became exhausting, and the thought of seeking help felt daunting; I feared judgment or, worse, that others would dismiss my feelings as mere “baby blues.” I longed for support, yet the very act of reaching out felt like an admission of failure, a recognition that I wasn’t handling motherhood as gracefully as I had envisioned. This internal battle has left me feeling trapped in a cycle of depression that seems to have no end, and I often wonder if I am destined to feel this way indefinitely. It’s a heavy cloak of sadness that colors every aspect of my existence, leaving me yearning for the vibrant, confident woman I once was, and I can only hope that, in time, I can find a way to reclaim that part of myself while learning to navigate the complexities of motherhood with a renewed sense of strength and resilience.
@powerfulPlace8389
Oh, I want to give you a hug.
You are a good mother. I know because you care and you are trying your best and those are such an important part of doing a great job.
I'm sorry you have lost yourself a bit in the process, but you are still there! You write so intelligently and eloquently. I'm so glad you shared. You deserve support as much as anyone else.
Have you visited the 7 cups parenting forum? I think you will find lots of support there. Probably better support than I can give.
https://www.7cups.com/forum/parenting/
Chores are tedious. The day to day can become so humdrum, it's easy to forget why you are doing it. Maybe the guys on the positivity and gratitude forum can help you rediscover the balance between the positive moments and the humdrum?
I do hope you find what you need here to believe in yourself again. Sending love and as many hugs as you would like.
@powerfulPlace8389
Hello and welcome to 7 Cups 😊
I've taken the liberty of suggesting to the forum moderators that your double posting might be moved to the Depression section - the one, I believe, it belongs, where maybe you could get some more of a response.
That is really difficult to answer your message, because it is such a mixture of good and bad things. And I don't know if you just needed someone to tell you that everything was going to be OK (because I believe it _is_ going to be OK, assuming from what you wrote), or if you are open to possibly check and see it from the outsider's perspective.
Your description of becoming a mother (or a parent in general) sounds really epic. I have experienced it twice on myself and I would found no better words to describe the world that the new parents are surprisingly entering (actually, getting there is no surprise, but how a person may feel like there can be).
I felt like you were telling us a story of three women. One of them was a single adult with no children, confident and vibrant. Actually, seeming too perfect to exist apart from some temporary, very controlled circumstances. Do you feel you were really like this person, or is it some perfect image (because we sometimes tend to idealise the past) to keep you going? I believe both answers are acceptable.
I don't believe this image of a perfectly successful person, because it is accompanied by another picture: of a young woman or a child who felt never sufficient, never enough, and constantly involved into a fight with low self-esteem and depression.
Finally, there is an image of a mother to a new born baby. Overwhelmed, overworked and exhausted. But it also looks like another you, very true, suffering but at the same time promising, being born in pains.
What might sound alarming to me is you don't say a word about your love and affection to your child. A thing that real life mothers usually do. Because I believe becoming a parent is not like losing individuality, but like getting some expanded sense of individuality and identity.
Also, it doesn't sound safe when you are trying to compare the real life with enhanced or fake avatars from social media. How would you feel like if you stopped that, concentrating on something more positive instead? Being here at 7 Cups seems to be one of the good options 😊
What gives me the greatest hope are the last words of your message:
"I can find a way to reclaim that part of myself while learning to navigate the complexities of motherhood with a renewed sense of strength and resilience."
I think you nailed it. Becoming all the three persons you described in one - the vibrant one, the broken and healed one, and a mother - seems like a great way to build a new, more complete and multidimensional person.
Hence I believe being the best of yourself is not a matter of the past, but can be the matter of the (near) future 👍
Despite the fact that your message was without paragraphing and I am certainly not a native speaker of English, your message is charmful, clear and striking, very imaginative and full of meaning. Have you ever considered writing???
Thank you, I’ve thought about it but probably wouldn’t succeed
@powerfulPlace8389
You are not alone... it should not be dismissed as baby blues etc. Motherhood is not something that goes to plan .... babies are all individuals and there is no one size fits all in ANY thing in life.
Social Media is FAKE ... i had a "friend" who posted only the perfect and all family in what i see now as portrait type poses...... i felt for a short time like I was NOT doing as well at motherhood/ family and work...Until her world fell and she could not fake her way through ... she shut down all her socials and must have felt exposed. Part of me was like vindicated then realize how low she must have been to work this hard to look perfect.
When discussing at work the social media impact on people a man told us on vacations his now EX wife had special outfits and photo shoot simply for her social media posts him and kids had to look perfect outfit changes to stage how great the trip was .. instead of true in the moment happenings... I immediately no longer felt less then anyone whose life looked so perfect ... instead felt sad they put so much effort to fake being superior or perfect to social media "friends" .
You do you motherhood is tough... you are still there even if you are not doing things you use to. I think becoming a parent provides more personal growth then we notice until later .
