is it because of you?
i think i’m uncomfortable with my emotions and unable to reach out or talk about my problems with people because my parents never did. i never saw them feel anything other than happy and angry, and sadness has always been a sensitive topic in my house. my dad wasn’t around for a good chunk of my childhood, and my mom is weird about feeling sad so naturally i learned to bottle things up and not show anybody anything but happiness. i’ve only seen her cry a few times, and every time it was uncomfortable and tense because we don’t do that in front of each other. she’s only seen me cry a few times since i was a little kid, one of which being after a suicide attempt. i didn’t really think much of her being emotionally unavailable until then, because her first instinct was to get angry, take my phone, and angrily tell me that she “guessed she had to take the day off work tomorrow”. i blame and resent them for my inability to open up to people and be serious in serious situations. especially if you know you and the person you’re having a child with have struggled with depression and mental illness, wouldn’t it be important to talk to them about it and give them an outlet for their feelings? would it not be better to tell them that it’s okay to feel sad rather than to banish the feeling and shut down at the mention of anything sad? maybe i'm just angry and i don’t understand everything yet, but i feel cheated.
@alienprincess444
I tend to think of it in 2 ways ... yes childhood can effect us and shape us .......but it does not need to define us. Many do the opposite of what is shown because they feel what their parents did was NOT working.
Some reach a point like you seem to have, to see sharing feelings may be better then trying to hide them. It is hard when you did not have a role model but not impossible. I can see how you may feel behind in learning some things but it is NOT too late. It may feel weird to change or you are unsure of where to start....... but trying and making those baby steps is better then waiting for things to magically be easier.
Your feelings and thoughts are completely valid.
How our parent(s) cared for us in our childhood has biggest impact on how develop and manage relationships.
The good thing is you recognize it and can make the steps to do different than your parents.
Emotional support and being able to express them with judgement or fear is so important in communicating and your ongoing relationship but we can't make other people do it.
Talking helps and there are wonderful here and a community that will help you.
Keep fighting the good fight.