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Sorry for the long post. Most of it is waffle, so tldr; Existence is overrated. What is the point.

Ok. Hi. Another person here to bump up thedepressedpeoplecounter by one. I was contemplating whether or not it was a good idea to post all this hate andcrap my mind has spewed out and decided, fuck it, who cares.Soanyways, Iguess I'll start by saying that I dorealisethat mylife is probably decent enough compared to many otherpeople's. Andperhaps Ishould bemore thankful forit whenorganisms are dying by themillisecond... Andyet, here Iam,disappointed with it all. I know it's probably selfish of me to say that, but depression (I think it's that, maybe it's but a part, but whatever) has caused me to be this way. There.

So what caused my depression? Well, many factors. The initial catalyst of which is probably my naturally pessimistic nature and past circumstances. TheseI can't change,I don't think, and I've learned to forget the shit the past has thrown at me. After all, what's done is done. Now, the other major factor is one that may seem like the silliest and most improbableto raise the bar, but it has affected my way of thinking greatly. And I don't like this one bit. An existential crisis.

For a long time I have read around for answers to existential questions and all seem to say thesame basic thing. "Yourpurpose is what you make it". That or religion-related "answers", but don't even get me started on those.These do not solve anything for me. How can I make my own purpose when I am a lazy, unmotivated,and depressed hypengiaphobe. Let alone stick to it. I feel so worthless and very much like amis-shapencog in thegreat and uncaringmachine that is society.I feel like everything I do will be for nothing because, in the end of it all, that's all there will be. For all intents and purposes, nothingness.You might say that what I contribute now in life will help others in the future. But soon they will perish too. Everything will eventually. Physicists say that around 1 trillion to 100 trillion years from now, the universe will be too cold to support any sort of life we know of now (read about heat death, entropy and fate of the universe if you're interested). You might say that these are just speculative theories, we don't really knowwhat will happen in the future.Well, this is even worse. How then can weguarantee anything? Ok, well you might say, why not just enjoy what you can while it lasts? Well I can't guarantee if I caneven enjoy life. I don't like itwhen bad things happen and when good things do happen, they're only nice and novel for that period oftime. Most of the time life is just life. And being a naturally pessimistic person, that meansitsucks.

These depressing thoughts of mine nag me and gnaw at my mind, I try not to entertain them, but thinking about them feels like theclosest I'll come to experiencing an addictive substance. They fuel my depression and the depression fuels my thoughts.

I'm not sure of this, but I don't think I asked to be this way. I'm not sure if I even askedto be here.

So why?

I'll check back for replies tomorrow. I'm going tosleep my sorrows awayfor now. Forget this reality of consciousness.

Hi, my name is Melanie. I have PTSD and Depression with occasionalSI. I wasn't diagnosed until this past november, but I've been dealing with it a long time. I always just thought I was weak, but I'm learning alot of the things I hate about myself come from my mental illness and aren't actually a part of me. Meds are helping, but my stress level right now is critical. I started a spiral in October that had me confined to the house with anxiety, and ended up in the psych hospital the last week of november and first half of december. I lost my job and have been unemployed since. About a month ago my boyfriend of 8 yrs dumped me for being too unstable, and I have to be out of his house by May 1st, with no job yet. I am just so freaked out and overwhelmed.

Hi, I'm Andrea & I was diagnosed with depression 2 weeks ago. I have trained in some coaching techniques to help people with mental illness so it hit me quite hard to be diagnosed myself...I catch myself beating myself up about it sometimes.

Both me & my boyfriend are in redundancy pools at work & have to apply for our jobs (we work at the same place), which I found out the day after my diagnosis.

I'm finding it really hard to concentrate on anything at the moment, my mind is all over the place, I'm really snappy & short tempered,generally intolerant & I feel exhausted all the time (even after a good nights sleep).

I have a 14 month old Westie & I go running in my spare time...I feel I'm doing all the right things, but I still end up with depression. I'm confused, frustrated & just want to feel better.

Thanks for reading my rant!

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the site, so figured this would be a good place to start. I am 32 years old and was diagnosed about 18 months ago with major depression and severe generalized anxiety. I am currently off my SSRI as my psychiatrist is switching me to a new one. This new med will only be the 3rd one I've tried but hoping it works better and doesnt have as many sides effects as the last 2.

Hello, everyone!

My name is Helder, I'm 22 years old, and I am from Brazil. I've been struggling with depression for almost two years, maybe even more, and I started looking for help in early 2014. I first went to my university's health center, and they sent me to a psychiatrist and a psychoanalyst. After that, I took Xanax to help me sleep and antidepressants, but as I wasn't perceiving a good progress, I went to different physicians looking for second opinions. After five months of treatment, two of the three physicians advised me to stop taking Xanaxto prevent for me being addicted, I guess. Also, none of the three doctors actually diagnosed me with depression, they just kept sayingI have symptoms that needtobe addressed, but as one of them said "it's not easy to diagnosethese kinds of disorder, so it's best for the patient if they don't stick with a set diagnostic".

So, I took antidepressants for some time, then changed them because hey apparentlywere not being very effective and made me sweat a lot! Like, a lot! I was probably the only one sweating in a movie theater with air conditioning while some people were feeling cold. Sonow I'm on the second antidepressant, which I feel is kind of the same as the first one, but without all the sweating. And this makes me a little better than before, because I really hatesweat (and I live in a tropical region, bummer). The doctor also said that this antidepressant could help me with my problem of eating whenever I'm anxious. So far, same as before.

And now I'm here, after months of trying to find the courage to post anything. I still feel very anxious about talking 1-on-1 or in group chat, so I'm resorting to the forum. I just hope I can get some of my thoughts out of my mind and be able to study for my next exam, in acourse I've already failed once. So, yeah, I'm really afraid 😣

​Thank you for being here 😊

Hello. My name is Emily. I'm 14 and I have severe depression, which I've had for about four years now so yeah, that's me in a nutchell

Hi, I'm BB 23 years old from the USA. I've been dealing with depression for most of my life off and on. I also battle anxiety and other things. I've been on 7 Cups for about 6 months now as a member and recently began as a Listener. I have a hard time telling when I'm depressed and when I'm not. Its hard to figure it out because I was depressed often as a child. I'm trying to find a way to manage. It's hard when I don't know what life is like without depression, but I'm trying to learn and grow comfortable in my contentment.

Hello to all. I came to 7 cups in a time of great need. I am a carer for my wife and have family issues. Step daughter is with us and has bad bipolar. Grand daughter and her boyfriend stay with us and do nothing to help. I am an alcoholic now 25 years sober. Have had deression for 30 years. Been through 2 seperations with my wife who I now care for. Was sexualy abused as a boy. So at almost 60 I now have so much to draw on I know I have a wealth of expeariance to share and give to so many in need. John from Australia

My names Leah and I've been going through depression for as long as I can remember. Recently it's started to get worse due to me finding out the guy I cared about didn't return my feelings. I'm so emptyright now. The things that used to bring me joy no longer do. I'm just so tired of everything, to the point where I can't even bring myself to get out of bed in the morning.

My suicidal thoughts have been intensified this past week. The voices in my head tell me nobody would miss me if I was gone, that nobody could ever love me. I know its not true but I can't help feeling that way.

Plus with my anxiety, I've lost my ability to focus. I can't bring myself to do schoolwork, or do anything that reminds me of him. It's just too much.

Hello, I am Cait. I worry that I have suffered depression on and off since my teen years, but undiagnosed. I am now 27 and have been in a downward spiral for almost a year now. I fell into depression again from anxiety with my job and the fact that it was making me fail in many other areas of my life. Subsequently, my boyfriend left because I was not an enjoyable person to be around. Since then things have been getting out of control. Everyday feels like a challenge and I feel worthless all of the time. I wish I had more to offer and then I would deserve the love that I need. I think I have finally accepted that this is a serious problem for me and I have decided to reach out to a psychiatrist, but cannot get an appointment for another two weeks. In the meantime, I hope to gain support from this community.