One thing I feel sad about right now is....
Knowing that this one friend who I've known and been close to for quite some time I may have to let go of due to trust issues... and it hurts when I say this, because he's always made me laugh and school was a lot of fun with him, in fact I'm glad we were friends, it's just lately his attitude towards me has changed... in a bad way...
I feel like a bad person, and a bad friend, and I do want to remain friends but right now he has made it difficult to do... 😩😩
@sparklyseaweed
I am sorry to hear that you are thinking of letting your friend go because of trust issues. It does sound like you have had some good time! Have you tried talking to him about this change you have seen in him?
@Eccho
No, because he gets angered easily... sometimes it's hard to deal with his angry outbursts,, plus a past relationship tainted how I view our friendship... he neglected my feelings more than once, ghosted me for a week, and got angry as I tried desperately to figure out where we stood in the relationship... he was the first one to make a move, but everything burned out... he never showed any enthusiasm in the start, it was the beginning of the relationship and he kept on saying over and over "we need time to do our own things", "we need space", "we can't see each other all the time".. we barely even saw one another as a couple except for one Sunday... then he had a week at his mothers, and then the following week he never bothered seeing me as he was on his Xbox.. I asked if he was busy he often replied with "no".
The last time we went out it was for a quick walk around the park as he took his dog out then afterwards went home. I gave him a kiss on the cheek before he left, but it felt like it was for nothing at all... I could sense he was tense. The fact he didn't ask if I wanted to hang out afterwards and immediately went home made me feel empty. He wouldn't have hung out with me if I didn't organise it. He would've just taken the dog out on his own. Throughout Summer he never saw me. Once he did try to organise something, but then forgot so I had to phone him last minute as he exclaimed "I'm so sorry! I forgot! And I already made plans for myself, too".
In the beginning of a relationship, love feels new, love feels exciting, love feels intense. We never got that. I felt a lot of love, a lot of excitement for him, many ideas of the fun we could've had to together, adventures waiting to start, getting to know one another. It's the Honeymoon period, but it never happened. Instantly he texted me less and less, only reading my messages at 12PM midnight. I felt awkward, so I begun to send him only a couple of texts, as I feared I was giving off the impression of being clingy and felt he deserved his space, but not one text he would respond to until 12 midnight, while I was in the midst of going to sleep.
I remember one time, I tried to ask for his support, I wanted to smile and knew he could help with that. In the middle of the conversation, things turned out awkward and he told me "don't talk to me if you want support. Talk to your parents. That's what they're there for" in this sweet, little, patronising tone. That tone was patronising, no doubt. I was astonished. In fact, dazed. Because I couldn't open my mouth to give him an explaination, as I was too shaken in my own feet. That day I bumped into an abusive ex and old best-friend who harmed me, stripped me off my happiness when I finally gotten over my depression and was happy for the first time in ages, he used my naive self against me, shoved it all back in my face, tainted me, used me as a toy while he was on a break with his girlfriend, I was over-confident and didn't know any better. I was sent home from college, my old college, the one I transferred away from this year, and needed some comfort from my boyfriend.
To which he told me "go speak to your parents".
Sorry this is long and extensive. These feelings still put pins and needles in my head.
I am sad that I am severly lonely, the anniversary of mom death is around the corner. I am depressed all the times. Waking up with a companiship.
@selfconfidentTangerine1778
I am sorry to hear that you are lonely and oh no, that must be hard losing your mom and it being the annversery, I hope things get better for you!
I am sad that I was scammed by an online college when I was trying to better myself.
@selfconfidentTangerine1778
Oh my I am so sorry to hear that you have been scammed, that must be so hard to deal with especially like you said, you where trying to better yourself
I am Nothing.
Nothing with nowhere or no one.
Forever in the darkness alone.
The forgotten child.
Forever dreaming of one day
Damaged from the inside out.
I am worth nothing.
Left to die inside my own head.
Its lonely being on the outside.
How do I get in.
@Peloquinn
You have a gift for poetry - that is what I see in this post. You convey your angst, sorrow. and loneliness well with words - that is a powerful skill in poetry and writing. I've seen my share of darkness - and some of those words have been in my own writing - and they touched me and stirred memories.
I heard something on the radio today ... I can't remember it verbatum but I feel moved to share what I took away with you.
We can not judge ourselves by others - the compacity to refrain from a tinted/tainted perception and our lives experiences prevents us from clearly without bias judging both sides fairly. We should strive to do good - what is good? Good is treating ourselves fairly, justly, and with empathy we would afford others but sparingly apply to ourselves. Good is reaching out beyond ourselves - even when times are hard and offer a hand, a word, a smile, a hello or a shoulder to those even strangers or our enemies - and displaying emense kindness we wish others would show to us in the darkness or day. Good is listening and taking time to realize we are more alike than we think. Good isn't what we judge of others or ourselves - good is what we make of ourselves and hope to share with others.
@diplomaticconfucious
thanks for this advice it has help me so much.
@selfconfidentTangerine1778
Thank you for your response.
Sometimes you wonder if what you say here makes a difference for anyone - it's nice to know when someone is touched by what you say.
(Especially when your as "verbose" a typer as I am.)
Thanks again.
@Peloquinn
I feel this way all the time.
@Peloquinn don't beat yourself up over whatever you are depresed about i promise it will all workout in the end.
@graylog
This is great advice. I will keep this in mind.
@Peloquinn
I feel the same way too. You are not alone i think many people feel like that and dont think anyone else can relate. The internet is awesome though because we can meet other people that open up on here that would not open up in person and admit to being alone.
my ex....i miss him
@AshtonErynn
i understand how you feel. been there done that!
One thing I am sad about right now is my obsession with Columbine. It's driving me insane. I relate a lot to Eric and Dylan and I legit have a thing for Eric.
I can't get over the fact he's no longer here.
In someway it's sort of .. inspiring me .. I don't think I would ever do such things though.. I'm scared.
One thing I feel sad about right now is....
My inability to be happy.
I always smile but its only so nobody asks questions. I hide behind my fake smiles and excuses.....im afraid to be hurt like i have been in the past.
@Bunnylover10717
same it's so hard to hide everything but it's worse for peopleto feel sorry for you
@liveocean124
I understand
@liveocean124
I understand
the one thing that i feel sad is I became a victim of being bullied on another support group. I had asks for some advice without thinking it would cause a problem? I was chewed out for posting long chat and chewed out for asking for some advice. before i was sent to a monitior who had became rude to me. so when i went somewhere else and ask for some advice, i was attacked again, i wonder if i pick a bad day to come on. Now i am left question everything that i do now. I cry all the time, i have anxiety attacked all the time.
@selfconfidentTangerine1778
I am sorry to hear that you are going through all this. Seems like you have had some very bad experiences with people who were not compassionate enought. But, not everyone is the same. Try to trust yourself more :) and try not to let anxiety overwhelm you. You are strong to express your feelings like this. Hope this gets better!
@Nyssa2506
I don't know what made someone attacked me or why it would make someone attacked someone. But it had made me feel really down, embarrassed, even though they wouldn't admitted they were in the wrong. It had made me question everything that I do know. I feel like I am constantly walking on egg shells with everything that I do or say.
@Nyssa2506
Lately I have been questiong myself about whether or not I can trust myself. If that could be the reason why I had some really bad experience in the support group. Perhaps I am too open and too trusty to have someone else give me advice when I should be trusting myself to resolve my own problem.
@selfconfidentTangerine1778
You are right about trusting yourself :) You may connect with a listener or PM me if you want to talk about this more. Maybe talking 1-on-1 will help better than the support group :)
I don't think I'm capable of feeling even brief happiness anymore. I think I'm broken.
@tluper6491
Time heals all wounds. Sadness is a deep dark lonely place that I have been in for years. I understand how it feels, endless. First accept the feelings you have and Understand you're not alone. Second, find ways out, no one will ever be able to make you feel happy except yourself. Deep inside you have power just waiting to be accessed; watch some videos, read some self help books (actual paper books) rec centre, gym! Swimming hot tub sauna.
You've got this
I'm crying on the inside.
To damaged, To far gone.
Help will never reach me where I am now.
Ive died inside waiting all this time.
I wait for them to see me. To love me.
It will never come.
The lonely little child crying in the dark place
Crying because ill never be worthy.
They'll let me know they always do.
Despair
Im all alone in this world.
It's dark
@Peloquinn I know that feels.
@Peloquinn
You where born in this world for a reason
Alone you came out as a fighter
The road is a long curvy journey
That you must face alone, but...
You're never alone, you have a gift
And that's your wonderful soul.
So get up, realize that Your strengths and
Create your journey. Because only then
Will the things you desire come into your life
You've got this
