Why do you want to be alive?

@Snowyy01

What do I think other people might feel or have, that I don't, that makes them want to stay here.

What keeps you here? Why do I want to leave and you want to stay?

1. Impact of suicide on people left behind

What I know is that I think of the impact of other people's suicides on me. I think of parents who lost a child to suicide. I think of children who lost a parent to suicide. I think of couples who lost a partner to suicide. Friends who lost a friend to suicide. Fans who lost a celebrity to suicide. The suicide that had a bigger impact on me was Ellen's DJ (tWitch boss) who died cause of suicide at age 40. I did not personally know him but I felt it. I'm imagining now what the wife, children and relatives of Twitch felt it's disheartening.

2.I read about people who never gave up despite and inspite of it all and I decide, I won't too.

I get motivated by people who've had way less things but still continued living. People who were orphaned at an early age, have no one to defend them but have never lost hope in life. People who are homeless, street children, refugees and any other person facing a hard time but are still pushing forward. I get motivated by disabled people. Why should I with two hands commit suicide, yet there is a person with no hands struggling to survive?

3. Mentality

I like to look sometimes look at the positive things in life. Gratitude. My life is not so good but at least I have roof over my head. Yes I know I failed a test but at least I can go to school. I can do it again.

@Snowyy01 I have a saying, “Life will get you soon enough, no need to hurry the process.”

@Snowyy01

Snowyy,

I don't always want to stay. I think about leaving, seriously. The thing that keeps me here is my cat. She is the most important thing in my life. I will stay here to protect her and provide a good life for her. I tell God that after my cat is gone, I'm ready to go.

@Snowyy01

you know for everyone it is different. For me personally, whenever I feel suicidal it is in the moment. Something pushes me over the edge and it is an impulsive act. I have had so many suicide attempts and it made me realise that it isn't worth it. I know that sounds cliché but it's true. It's so exhausting. I just ended up waking up in the hospital. There was always a person in the hospital room with me watching me. I couldn't go to the bathroom alone. The food was *** tbh. And a psychiatrist or doc coming in every couple of hours asking me those dumb questions and saying the same stuff every time. "Do you feel like you wanna hurt yourself still?" "why did you do it?" "you matter here in this world" "do you feel depressed?" "Are you ok with a mental hospital?" "How long have you felt suicidal?" "tell me about your home situation" "Do you use drugs or alcohol?" "Everyone goes through tough times" "did you do this for attention?". Like it's so tiring. Trust me when I say it's the last place you wanna be, espicially after an attempt. After the hospital many times and the mental hospital twice I have learned a lot. I have family who cares about me. If you don't, know that you will have the oppurtunity to make or form one. I have 3 cats that I can't leave behind. And honestly I have started to appreciate being here. I used to wanna be dead. But it scares me now. We don't know what happens when you die. And I fear that if it is nothing that I will have to lay in a box in the dark. I would much rather be alive and do what I please. That is jus my opinion personally. I wish I could answer why you feel that way. But honestly nobody knows besides you. If you don't want to feel that way, you have to want to improve yourself. You can't do this for somebody else it has to be for you. You have to truly want to feel better for yourself. I hope this helps you understand my point of view a lil more.

It is a good question to think about.

I guess what keeps me here in part is not wanting to hurt those that I love. Then I have begun realizing that helping others by doing things like answering posts on 7 cups helps me get out of my own head and make life more valuable.

Finally, getting to see the outside world in all its various forms keeps me going because I see lots of stuff that surprises me.@Snowyy01

I don't want to stay here.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to be alive.

I want to be in some other where, some other when, some other why.