You can rant here
I know how it feels sometimes when you just want to rant, but don't know who to talk too or even if they will care. Well I care. You're not alone! Please feel free to say whats been on your mind lately, if you want someone to talk too or just want to rant away. I will listen.
Theres so much to talk about and so much of it isn't just depression.
To start, I am recovered from EDNOS and am struggling with that because of huge weight gain. I am a higher weight then before I had my disorder and it irritates me now that I cant get rid of it healthfully through a healthy diet and what's considered normal exercise. It's like I have to go spend 2+ hours at a gym and eat under 1000 to see the scale even budge. My partner dosent understand what I see and says I'm still the same shape as when we met but then as soon as we fight the truth of how he feels comes out.
Which that's another whole issue lately. It's been a week since his last outburst but it was a really bad one. Usually when we fight we just yell but lately hes begun shoving me, snacking the back of my head, throwing stuff at me, and the one time grabbing my head by the hair and dragging me to our room where he pushed me to the point I should have bruised... this wasnt normal behavior and has never been this bad.
I don't even have the strength to pretend to give a shit anymore. I used to be great at hiding my depression so I didn't bother other people with it but I feel so hopeless and defeated I don't even see the point in that anymore. I'm just bitter and miserable constantly. I used to have a great sense of humor and a lot of interests and passions. Now I can't even be bothered to fucking bathe because it seems like more effort than my pathetic failed abortion of a life would ever be worth.
@wonderousSigns7
Why did nobody help me? Why didn't anyone see a little girl struggling and depressed and think to help? Why did my mom dismiss my symptoms as "moody teenage behavior"? Why did she then for years try to convince me that my depression was harder on her than on me? Why didn't anyone get me help when I admitted to self-harm and suicidal thoughts? Why did I have to do it all myself? Get myself a counselor, and a therapist, and stop myself from self-harming? Didn't anyone know I needed help? Doesn't anyone know the toll it takes to work for years alone to recover from depression and suicidality as just a teenager?
@LyssSky03 I feel you. It's like you're alone, against the world. I constantly feel that too, loosing hope on humanity, feeling like I just don't belong, that I was born in the wrong place and time, since nobody irl actually is on my side and none of them understand what I've been going through. But please know that you're not alone. Taking care of yourself like what you do takes courage and strength, and I'm proud of you for doing that. And you and I never meet irl and most likely never will, but I'd love to be your friend in overcoming things :)
I wish I had more of a life in my new town. Pretty lonely
I'm currently going through a lot and that voice in my head is making me feel way more worse than what I already feel like. I honestly don't know if people really like me or for pity. I sucked in the past, and I've grown to be more mature, and I just hope people don't look at my past to determine my present. I want to be better and I want to feel loved. I want to find my purpose and to show people my purpose. I want to be worthy instead of worthless. I want to become the better version of myself and I just don't know how to do that. I am stuck in my little head and I don't know how to get out. I really don't know what to do right now, which is why I feel this bad. I'm in a dark place that no one but one of my friends. Except they don't know why. And when I told him that I was fine, he said that was good. But it might have been my fault because I didn't tell him. But I don't feel like talking to him, so in a way I have been avoiding him. I don't know what to do. I've been bottling up my feelings, hiding them from everyone else, and no one knows what I am truly feeling. If I tell my mom that I am depressed she's just going to say depression is all in your head, you have God. And I know I have God, because he is constantly in my mind, but I keep asking for help, and my mind always goes the opposite way making myself feel so much worse. I don't want to harm myself because I don't like the idea of hurting myself, but I feel like I suck. And I hate myself for it. Im grateful for everything, and I'm usually a happy person, but I don't feel happy right now.
@amusingSouth7061
How you feel is totally understandable. I can hear in your words that you're a strong person and you put a lot of pressure on yourself.
When the mind starts spinning over the same thoughts like that, it can be a good to focus physical space around you and get your body moving in some way... outdoors, if possible - go for a swim, or a walk (maybe even with a friend), or do some physical activity to help clear your head and pump up your mood. It can help remind us that we are not our thoughts and how you feel right now is not going to be permanent. <3
I hate my big brother! He just nit picks me for everything I do when it goes wrong! Most of the time, I tell myself he is not my brother and hes just some guy who just has the same blood as me and was born from my mom!
This past month, Ive had intruisve thoughts, I kept doubtibg myself, questioning, being anxious, being so fearful. I ended up getting distant from my own family. Now I dont feel anything towards those thoughts, they dont bother me but theres that emptyness. I feel like theres something truly wrong with me. I feel numb to the things happening in my life. Its been ages since Ive genuinely laughed or smiled. Im sick and tired of crying. I want to just move on, but its like so empty and depressing. i feel like theres still something I want to do. I dont want to give up, but its just so weird not feeling anything. I just want to go back to normal and live my life.... but it feels like i cant like somettings holding me back.
Tired of making new friends, sharing details about myself, they go away, and I feel lonely. Always been like this. All my old friends don't talk to me anymore. Maybe there is something wrong with me. What if I am meant to be a loner?
I'm just sad that during summer vacations I barely got out of the house (we are no longer in quarantine since may) and yesterday I was with a close friend for a hour or two and she was telling me how much fun she has and everything. I just miss going out but cant due to my strict parents (cant go out after 8 pm and im 19!) and nausea caused probably by anxiety. I'm missing on life so much, apart of that friend I have no one else and she has other friemds too so I can't hang out with her everyday. I just don't know whar to do, how to get rid of this nausea so I could go out even if just with her once a week. Fml
I am just fed-up of my life . Left with no strength whatsoever. Wish there was a restart button in life . :(
