You can rant here

I still hate being alive and wish somebody would kill me.

I hate how my little moments of weakness turn into big f'ing events. Yesterday the movers told me they would be having their lunch in my empty apartment after i left. They said they would pull the door shut when they leave. I forgot about the fridge door needing to be lifted and shut for it to close properly. Now I have to drive back over there to check the fridge door to be sure it is closed properly and doesn't burn out with the door open all day. Luckily for me, the apartment is only 20 miles away and i technically have it until next wednesday. Still, I am weak. My mental weaknesses have been a mental problem of mine all my life. I've let people walk all over me for the sake of their convenience all my life and i f'ing hate myself for it. I know I shouldn't. I know i should cut myself a break. I'm just so sick of people who take advantage of me and don't let me just have a f'ing comfortable life. F those damn movers.

I apologize for the length of this rant.

I hate my neighbor. She's an older disabled woman and she's been getting weirder and more unstable since she got the news she's getting evicted because of all the fighting she does with her boyfriend. Yesterday she pepper sprayed a friend who usually visits her. All he was doing was giving her the copies of the key she'd sent him out to get. She'd pepper spraying him and begun screeching about how he stole $4 from her and that he was to get off her property.

It was trash day and I'd just finished pulling the last trash can to the back of the apartment complex, so I'd been close enough to see her pepper spray the guy and breathe a lot of it in through my fabric face mask and trigger a massive gagging and coughing fit. Another neighbor's windows had been open, so he was also feeling the burn and eventually stepped outside to check on me and yell at the one who is being evicted.

I rounded on the neighbor who had the pepper spray and demanded to know how she could do that; that the guy had done nothing wrong, and didn't she see I was standing less than three feet away from them? She kept saying she was sorry, and tried to explain that he was going to hurt her or had hurt her before. I just kept telling her to leave me alone.

I had to go and help the guy who got pepper sprayed directly in the face. He'd found the garden hose I hadn't put away yet but couldn't get to the faucet to turn the water on. I turned on the water for him so he could spray his face and try to get the pepper spray out of his eyes, nose, mouth, as well as off of his skin. I offered to call the police for him but he just stumbled away.

I had to tell the neighbor, who had long since hidden the pepper spray back in her apartment, that I didn't want to talk and I didn't want to listen to her apologies because I'd had enough. I'd had enough of the people living upstairs in that building damaging the doorknob to the security door so it wouldn't lock or remain closed, making it so anyone and everyone could go up the stairwell to visit her or the other neighbor placed there by the same housing agency. That I'd just had to call management that morning about the whole doorknob being removed and tossed in the bushes like trash, and was informed that the housing agency was going to have to fix it because they placed those tenents there in the first place. So the doorknob was fixed that day, the neighbor tried to tell me how she and the woman who lives upstairs in the second apartment were really upset about it, and I told her that I didn't care because this is what happens.

When my other neighbors asked what was wrong I warned them about had happened, and though it was likely that most of the pepper spray had dissipated I suggested that they keep their doors/ windows closed and use a fan instead of an air conditioner in case more pepper spraying happened. I didn't want them or their little puppy to get hurt.

I gathered up my hose and dragged everything inside so I could take a long shower because I was already sweaty and filthy after cleaning up trash cans but first I sent a short text message to my property manager detailing what happened so there would be a record of it. Then I got in the shower and cried.

I wish I could vent 24/7 and would not feel anxiety or scares or insIecure and also not have PTSD. Emotionally tiring and exhausting. Keep trying and Glad there is 7 cups. Somewhere I can go for support to seek understanding and the tools to make my life somewhat easier.

People here would be happy if I died

Hello this is Priyanka from India... do we have any Indian women here (prefers married women).. badly need a listener please - thanks

After doing so well for two weeks ,somehow out of nowhere bad memories from a place I used to visit, come to my mind and I feel so bad

I feel so lonely ,as if I would be a failure

Because if you don't have contacts ,it would be hard to get ahead in life :/ so sad

I wonder why did I born if I was gonna be so lonely ,nobody cares about me just my family but even they can't be with me as much because they are busy or have their own problems

I also don't want to be a burden on my parents ..

Even outside of my own problems life and the world in general is so negative and dark and depressing and it's only going to get worse. I want to be dead. This isn't worth it. The few fleeting joys I get out of life are not worth the constant misery and pain of existing on this planet. Kill me.

Going to work has been frustrating. My manager sucks...ass super anal, lazy, and rude. I'm anxious before and after work. I can't wait for things to get better. I'm trying my best to have more positive thoughts. My ex is depressed again...it sucks that I don't know how to support him when I'm struggling myself with personal issues. I just need personal space before I can help anyone else..

It's hard to talk about how i feel to love ones or friends, not a lot of people know what i go through or been through they just see this person who doesn't look like they have anything to worry about when in all reality i do just like everyone else in this world. I want to feel at peace with myself and truly find happiness but as i get older and start to realize that happiness is so far away.