You can rant here
I know how it feels sometimes when you just want to rant, but don't know who to talk too or even if they will care. Well I care. You're not alone! Please feel free to say whats been on your mind lately, if you want someone to talk too or just want to rant away. I will listen.
Having samaritans or a crisis support team listen to how you feel just doesn't replace family and friends caring about your illness. Its so painful to deal with this alone. I feel so angry and let down and like my loved ones would only care if I was dead
It has already been a shitty morning.. I woke up crying, the person I'm with is not making dealings with depression easy. Had the nerve to say he doesn't want to sit around and cry with me.. as if I purposely try to be sad... thanks for making it harder to get through my day... merry Christmas folks
@Lumbeyl that's terrible, sorry to hear that. It's hard dealing withdepression itself, but it's even harder when poeple close to us think about us this way :< .I hope you find a group of people who can support you and genuinely be there for you. Merry christmas still
Christmas makes me want to curl into a ball and die.
@tluper6491- Yeah- we made it through Christmas 2020. Sending you a warm blanket and cup of cocoa.
Another letter,
Im not even safe on Christmas... my family didn't get you one specific thing and because of that you get pissy and yell at me cause i took more than two minutes to find a box to move our gifts from the car to the house. You call me every name in the book and insult my looks and weight because i told you i needed a minute to go find a box... good thing im getting an exercise bike delivered... just hope i can keep from spending hours on it like i used to when i was sick... i want to run into the night and pray i could fall asleep out there and freeze to death but id probably just get frostbite and suffer. Youd make fun of me for it too..
@Kokorokiseki1377 you are not alone. I'm dealing with the same type person as you are. A narcissist. You should work on trying to leave that person. It will deteriorate your soul and well being. It has began to me but you can't let that person know. They will be happy for what they have done. I have lost so much weight. I'm so tired all the time. I'm stressed out. I get called names too and degrades my appearance even though I look better than he does. He is really short and has angry man syndrome. He is a real piece of shit. Karma will work it's way back to them. I'm filled with hate now. I'll trying to leave the situation. I can't take it anymore.
I was asking for Story-telling help about some "bad" ideas (I'm not going to say what they're are due to there being various kind of people on the site) for my SimLit. I'm writing and due to my argumentive defence nature, my account is on hold ie banned for an entire week. That's the only site I know of which helps "Story-writers" tell their stories. I was trying to put what I did have about "bad ideas" into quotes.. but its "against the rules supposedly" because it could hurt (the group of people)
I feel so lost, sad, hopeless. Like what's the point type of feeling.. nothing is giving me contentment. Coloring, painting, video games, showering, even eating lately.. just existing.. just miserable.
Sorry. Hugs.
For the first time in a while. I'm beginning to see how beautiful life is. One step at a time. Always keep fighting, loves.
since ive been back home for the holidays, ive been so isolated and slowly i have become very depressed. this is definitely the worst depressive episode of my entire life thus far. i am feeling very worthless and my life seems pointless but my first therapy appointment isnt until the first wednesday of january. i wish so much that it was sooner but like everything it seems to just be the universe kicking me while im down. on top of all this, i matched with my childhood crush on tinder. she seemed excited to have connected with me again but my inability to make conversation and my crippling self esteem drought has made it exceedingly difficult not to just give up on her. plus, it wouldnt even work realistically. i am awful at maintaining relationships and she goes to school like 12 hours away from me.. plus, shes beautiful, funny, and intelligent and im stupid and worthless. i try to talk to my sister (who is the only person i feel comfortable talking to) and somehow talking about it makes me feel just as much worse as better. im overeating and hating myself so much for that as well as my inability to go to the gym. i just feel so worthless and stupid and i dont see things ever improving. whats even the point??
I'm just gonna make this short because I keep losing everything I've said either because I had to power off my phone for a second or I accidentally backed out.
Leaks came out regarding a recent chapter of a manga that I watch the anime adaptation of and what happens is a fan favorite character dies in a brutal and tragic way. I liked the character decently and I was sad when I found out about this. The thing is I can't validate my sadness because this is a work of fiction, and not a real life event.
My instinct is always to fight off such feelings, and to never let myself just feel them. Of course this never works because the feelings are still there but I feel like they shouldn't be there. Again, it's fiction. I think for me it makes it sadder because the character's death was implied to be very brutal and painful, and she died alone and defenseless, but again, can't validate it because this is fiction. I also have this instinct when real people die too though.
Some time ago a friend of a friend passed. I've talked to him some and he was in a guild with me on an MMO. I couldn't validate my sadness in this situation because I got the news from my friend and she was objectively closer to him than I was. I even punched myself in the head to stop myself from crying back then.
Question is how do I learn to quit trivializing my feelings or fighting them off? I know it's ok to have feelings deep down but it's hard to break this habit.
@ShikiBabyBat pain is not a competition. What you feel is real regardless of what made you feel it. Even works of fiction like that are made by design to make us feel things, and the fact that it made you sad doesn’t mean those feelings are wrong, it means you’re experiencing the story to its fullest. As for your friend’s friend, just because someone else’s hurt is greater, as they were closer to that person, doesn’t mean your pain is invalid or shouldn’t be felt. You were sad because someone you knew died. Even if you hadn’t known them, you could be sad because it hurt your mother, not in spite of it. Empathy is a core human trait, and whatever you feel is valid and right.
@CallmeKir meant to say friend not mother
@CallmeKir
Thank you. It's honestly something I'm gonna need to beat into my head tho. I think this is in part cuz I struggle with toxic masculinity (meaning toxic expectations placed on men, not that masculinity is toxic in and of itself). Like for instance I used to have it in my head that I shouldn't cry cuz I'm a guy. And now I'm not sure if the reasons I struggle validating my feelings is entirely gendered cuz there's usually more of a reason for the invalidatation other than "oh, I'm a guy, no feelings for me".
As I said in the original post, for the manga I invalidated it cuz it was fictional, and for the actual death that happened I felt like I had to be strong for my friend. Thankfully I think I was able to support her maybe. Problem is I equate being supportive with burying my own feelings. I mentioned this with my therapist tho and she gave me a bunch of cards with sentences on them that were basically positive affirmations, one of them being "I can be sad alongside others".
I guess now the thing is I need to stop finding ways to invalidate my feelings.
I think I am inlove with a boy who one has a girlfriend and two my parents dont like him. I cant get him or his eyes out of my head every time I close my eyes or my mind is with just me he's all I can think about. I am never busy enough to get him off my mind so it stops driving me crazy. I also just broke up with my boyfriend of three years, I havent left my house since the begining of march and I hate all my health conditiotions. I also miss all my friends and social interaction.
@Annabelle129
Honestly I feel like I can relate to u a bit on missing social interaction, and I think a lot of us do. Also considering the break up you've mentioned, I think it's understandable why you'd think of this crush a lot. I apologize I don't know too much else to say, but I at least wish you the best.
@Annabelle129
You mention you're not busy enough to keep your mind off your crush, so I just now thought to ask if u have any hobbies. Or have u thought of taking up a hobby?