I can't cope with ending up alone

@affectionateTown1365

I understand where you're coming from. I've never had a serious relationship and I don't know if any guy's going to fall in love with me. But that doesn't mean that we're hideous it just means the time hasn't been right for us. There's always a chance we could meet someone and fall in love and even if that doesn't work out it still doesn't mean we have to be miserable. The most important thing is becoming comfortable in our own skin.

@affectionateTown1365 It sounds like you're engaging in quite a bit of distorted thinking. I know you feel these things, but you can't predict the future, and feelings aren't facts. You're very depressed right now, and that hurts a lot. When we're depressed, the depression tells us a lot of lies. Try not to listen to those lies. Write in a journal. Pour your heart out and get those feelings out of your head and onto paper. That alone can often help more than you might think. Do some of the exercises on here that help with distorted thinking. Talk to listeners and find one you can trust. You are NOT worthless! You have value, and your life has meaning. The depression is lying to you. Talk back to it! Don't let it win!

@affectionateTown1365 Is this the same person who said they are afraid of being alone?

@affectionateTown1365

So I wrote this long thread then I lost your post. I am brand new, so I could NOT figure out how to find you this damn site only found you after i went to home/depression support/ daily check ins. As if I would know to do that. I just kept searching. Not to mention how long it took me to write a reply sorry so long hope it helps in any way. PLEASE ALLOW IT TO POST!!

@affectionateTown1365

OH i am new. I see it is you. Ok I have a lot of help for you. I have been alone for quite some time now. I was married unhappily for 8 years starting at age 42. so before that obviously I thought I was doomed. I am not ugly but I am not gorgeous or good looking. Now, I am also fat. Anyway now I don't want anyone, and it's a good thing with the THING that's going around. Ifi I write it's name I get sent to some other place for different type of help. anyway, how in the heck are we ever gonna meet people now, being afraid we will not even survive. I have a funny: So whores had it right the whole time... it's ok to have xes but not kiss. lololo again if I write the word I may be sent elsewhere. kissing will end us all now!!!. xes wont.. well at least not in the way that is taking people nowadays. So, think of all of the ways past girlfriends annoyed you after you have been together for a long time. Remember? When you broke up you may have even written a pros and cons list and all of those cons will be multiplied times a thousand if you are stuck in the same apt or house with them 24/7!! Right now domestic violence is way up (sad) and so is divorce (funny and sad.) Because we marry or stay with people based on our fantasy of who they are and what they do for us. Down the road, the real person comes out, and with all of their annoying traits and fighting starts, well often it starts before that. Even if it's mild and not to the point of divorce, still those things make the people we thought we loved very annoying. Unless you found your best friend, then it can be amazing but only still to a point. When I was a kid in hs, for example my bff was really, really cool, but when she left to go home, sometimes even then I was glad for the silence of being alone in my room. When you are quarantined you have no choice but to stay at home most likely with them if you lived together before this all happened. OF course there are exceptions if they are rich, and could afford to have kept their own place even after moving in for the health of everything with no pressure on the relationship. or, if they have family that will take them in which is actually now very risky. imagine how sick of them you would get!! ugh I can't even. Plus then one person expects more sex so there is tension around that. people may feel rejected or victimized under pressure to perform. ICK!! Also, you have to get ready and have really great grooming, for us girls we have to wear makeup ugh!! Some may need wigs, hair pieces, dentures, retainers, tanner, heels, just whatever bullshit things we have to deal with to look more presentable depending on the age of the person and the missing whatever. Also depends if you are in year one still. Lol. Then there are the meals. Who wants to eat what, & who has to compromise for the other person? Who cooks? Who cleans? Then it's ok well, tomorrow it's my turn or whatever more of highlighting how incompatible you are together. And that's three meals a day! The worst one (though there are dozens if not hundreds of others) geez I used to HATE... Especially when one loves sports and the other hates sports. Because usually loving sports is a fanatical thing and there are SO MANY TYPES OF SPORTS!! So one suffers while the other wins. That made me lose my marriage, he constantly checked the scores of almost EVERY sport (Im not kidding plus betting on them) that, and ALCOHOL. drinking is all good and everything until duh duh duh.... both are drunk and a conflict comes up!! the amount of emotional reacting hits an all time high and the dreaded DRUNKEN FIGHT happens. Two people being irrationally angry and making very little sense and the other crying and reacting like someone died.. I'll stop there... but as you can see this has been only a few examples and unless your need for what we call "romance," which is only in the first year anyway and it's not about who they really are because we don't have a clue at that time, unless you need that first year that sucks you into a long unhappy marriage that usually ends before you even really know them which i have learned happens in year 5, unless you need this delusional year or maybe two, don't do it!! Use this time to love yourself. Pretend that the little kid in you is alive, and you are talking to him or her and asking them what they want to do, eat or whatever, then give them exactly what they want without any other PERSON parent or mate telling them NO do what i want!! think of the favorite thing that kid loves, and give it to yourself. That's love. You KNOW that kid, you know what he/she wants, needs etc... and that lasts your WHOLE life. Plus you can walk around wearing or not wearing what you want at home!!! If you have the internet the possibilities of what to learn are endless. maybe you can even develop a spiritual life of any type. If you are a Christian; if not please dont be offended. Any type of spiritual life is great for anyone..

I love my pastor Mark Martin. Here's a bunch of his talks and lessons or other stuff https://calvaryphx.com/search-results/?keywords=mark+martin&show_results=

Lots of love, and please love yourself! You and God are all you truly have anyway. This is not the time to meet anyone for obvious reasons healthwise. One more comment. I know so many people who specifically look for "unattractive" mates because this is so true--the good looking ones are all messed up because everything they wanted came too easily so they have no character, romance or anything. They are usually severely messed up from it all. Plus you arent the only one who thinks they are gorgeous so knowing people are always hitting on them, thats not really fun. So it's truly a plus I'm not just saying that. I am one of those people I try to only date those who are considered not attractive to most. They become very attractive to me in time. And for the reason that they are sexy, smart, romantic and other wonderful things (yes i learned it is only in the beginning) but thats how they become amazingly attractive to me. Im not saying a happy relationship isnt possible. You CAN have the one in a million chance of meeting your best friend you want to have esx with for infinity till the end. But the one in a million, thats real. Most likely you wont and if you get divorced what they say is true it is more painful then a break up. Much, much more. Wow, what happened to my health during the first year after a divorce was insane. He left me for a woman who didnt mind sports or him going to the bar after work to watch sports, and she drank with him too at parties and with his family etc… and they have kids. He is now fat like me, but I am the one who is FREE and easy breezy and I am not just saying that. She hasnt met the post 5 years ex husband I had to live with. It sucked so badly. The list of cons I made after the divorce was at least 20 times longer than those pros i had in the lying who you are years. The one thing i can say is that he is the kindest person i have ever met. But that was fake too because he cheated for 2 years (luckily we were not intimate at all during those last two years I just knew inside he wasnt being faithful so i didnt want to catch anything and also he came home with alcohol on his breath) and left me for someone half my age on december 31, the day of new years eve. One of the reasons I married him is that he didnt drink. Hed quit a year or so before we got married and said he wanted a new kind of life without the mundane lifestyle of drinking and watching sports. I knew it wasnt going to work. Actually 8 years was much longer than i expected, but like you, @affectionateTown1365, I wanted to live that married dream and I figured if we loved one another this much (lying years) we could work through anything. I so wasnt in love that when we divorced I didnt cry much at all. I guess I held the pain in and it showed in my health. But to be honest I was so happy to be FREE of the bondage of a relationship. Still am. Perhaps for you, on the other side of it, its impossible to see, but I promise, it isnt what you think. You are better off having an actual best friend to hang out with then have your own space when needed. Like you feel when your friends leave, sigh of relief for the silence, even though you enjoyed the company.

@affectionateTown1365

So after i hit post I got a circle with a slash through it. I have no idea if it actually posted. Pleae let me know.

I can relate, wish I had wise words. Persevere, work on yourself and be the best you that you can be.

@affectionateTown1365

I may not be certifed but my uncle didn't find love till he was 60 so don't give up hope. just gotta find the right one no matter how hard it seems.

@affectionateTown1365

There will always be someone that loves you, it is just... you may not see it right now. I am here to tell you that you are important. And you are loved. You Are beautiful. Just keep persevering no matter how hard it may seem. It takes on little step by step. I believe you can do it. I truly believe you will find someone who truly loves you. You just can't give up, or else you won't have a chance of finding anyone.

I am feeling the same way. I'm constantly finding myself having unrequited feelings. You are normal, because there are so many people who feel the same way you do and experience what you experience. I've never had a boyfriend, despite wanting one. My standards aren't high, but the guys I fall for do not like me back. Have you ever considered surrounding yourself with people who are kind to you? I feel like if people keep telling you you are hideous, they are absolutely toxic and are causing you to be insecure and feel worthless and unwanted. You need to leave these toxic people and surround yourself with positive people who will help you be confident so you can project positivity to others. Maybe you are so insecure that it projects negativity and desperation which will turn people off, I realized that was my problem. I feel like I will never get a boyfriend until I become truly okay with the idea of living the rest of my life unmarried/alone. You need to have a good relationship with yourself before you can have a stable one with someone else. Stop turning to other people's opinions to decide what your "value" is. No matter what they say to you, it's up to you to decide whether you are enough. I say you are enough, and your life has value, but it's up to you to self-motivate and turn your life around. Seek professional therapy, maybe get some hobbies, distract yourself from thoughts of wanting romance and remember that you can enjoy things like reading or playing instruments or whatever you like without needing the affection of someone else. I need to do this to. I'm rooting for you!!!

@affectionateTown1365

I hate mirrors. Every time I look at my reflection in the mirror, I say to myself: why am I so disgusting?
And it affects my life. But you know what? I am not my eyes or my skin color or any other part of my body. I am the soul that lives in it and it is beautiful. You too are more than your image, you are a soul and a spirit. Here is a quote that helps me everyday "You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop". You see your image and you tell yourself that this is what you are when it is only a small part of who you really are.

Please, if you need to talk, don't hesitate to come to me.

Please don't hesitate, I'll be there to talk.