I Got Your Back: Couples Fighting Depression Together

In 2010, Whitton and Whisman conducted a study to find the correlation between relationship satisfaction and depression. In their study, they found, Relationship satisfaction instability predicted variance in depressive symptoms beyond that predicted by mean satisfaction; women whose weekly relationship satisfaction fluctuated more widely tended to have higher depressive symptoms. In comparison, temporal instability in depressive symptoms did not predict variance in relationship satisfaction beyond that predicted by mean depressive symptoms. Prospective analyses tentatively suggested that satisfaction instability may precede rather than follow elevated depressive symptoms.

So what does this mean?

As relationship satisfaction increases, feelings of depression decrease. Comparatively, depressive symptoms do not always cause a negative effect on a relationship.

I find that when Im anxious and feeling depressed, going to my husband can often help me to feel better. It doesnt always work right away, but knowing that there is someone there who loves me and supports me can really ground me and help to bring me back out of my depressive state. Knowing this makes me want to really work at making my relationship with my spouse good.

Barton Goldsmith wrote a recent article on ways to increase relationship satisfaction. While I wont mention all of the ways he discusses (the url can be found in the citation below), there were a few things that stood out to me.

Recognize each other for your commitment and caring. Sometimes when Im anxious and depressed, its easy to forget that there is someone out there who loves me. Im convinced that Im crazy and that this will be the time that drives everyone away from me. THIS IS NOT TRUE. Its these moments when I need to take a step back and remind myself of those who care for me. (It certainly helps when my husband reminds me of this fact as well).

Share in creating a positive and emotionally comfortable living space. Sometimes, this just doesnt seem possible. Im angry and upset and depressed and literally cant think any more rationally than that. But, in the moments when you are doing well, try to be positive and loving. Make your home comfortable and a pleasant place to be. Be a support system for your loved ones, and theyll return the favor for you.

Help each other grow and learn. The better you feel about yourself, the easier it will be to contribute to the relationship.

Understand your partners motivation and stresses. Even simply knowing that your partner gets hangry can lead you to help them (by giving them a candy bar or piece of fruit) and bring down their stress, which will often help prevent a depressive state.

While having a great relationship doesnt always magically cure you of depression, the research shows that it can help! So, go to your loved one, give them a big kiss, and tell them you love them! Every interaction helps.

How does your significant other help you to fight against depression?

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