I Think I
Hello, my name is Charlotte.
So Ive been feeling ‘depressed for maybe around a year and a half now. With that said I am not diagnosed so obviously I dont know if Im actually depressed, this is just how I feel. It feels like I have 0 motivation for anything including normal things like watching a show or playing video games. Because of this Ive been spending most of my time in bed which definitely is not making it better but I have 0 will to do anything else. But why am I feeling this way?
Well I dont know why Im this sad to the extent I am. Since nothing horribly traumatic has happened to me. But Ill name some of the more little things that have happened so you can have more of a grasp to my life. I am pretty anti-social and quite introverted, due to this Im not that popular, I have like 5 friends at school and we stick together, except one of them keeps belittling me. Saying things like ‘no one likes you ‘youre fat ect, and I know thats a toxic friendship but Im so scared that if I cut her off from me my other friends wont talk to me. Another issue Im dealing with is my family, especially my dad. He literally thinks he is god, he is always preaching his ideals and religion onto me and my siblings. He is high on every drug imaginable all the time and is incredibly homophobic, and as a lesbian that really sucks. Just for an example how psychotic my father is one time around 4 months ago he strangled my dog to death because he believed she was ‘possessed by a demon. Another thing is he wanted to have a baby with my mum and then have a baby with some other girl and then get the babies to breed to make the ‘ultimate form. Another thing, my friends dad was just arrested for raping her like a week ago. My friend then tried to kill herself. Also apparently her dad had camera in the bathroom at his house. I showered in that bathroom multiple times when I was having sleepovers with my friends.
This kind of turnt into a rant, sorry.
But I really have no clue what to do about anything. I am terrified of telling people how I feel, thats why Im here.
Thanks for listening :)
Hello, Charlotte! Welcome to 7cups.
I'm so glad you're here and sharing your story with us. Don't worry about ranting at all, that's what we're here for, to listen! I see you mentioning that you feel like you don't have any traumatic reason to feel the way you do but there really is no right or wrong cause for depression.
What you're feeling is valid and real and while you mention the bits and pieces of your life in the post as "little things", i just read over them and they sound like they could leave a huge emotional impact on a person. Having a toxic friend must make things so difficult because friends are supposed to be our supporters and one's we can lean on. Have you ever considered confiding in any of your other friends about the way this one toxic friend treats you?
Also, your father really does not sound like a fun person to be around. His actions are unacceptable, i'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your dog. How is your relationship with your mother and what does she and your siblings think about your dad?
Again, so sorry to hear about what happened to your friend. I hope she's getting all the support she deserves to get her through this tough time.
Don't be afraid to speak up about anything on your mind, this is a safe and non-judgemental place 
@CommunityModTaylo
Thanks for replying,
me and my siblings all dont really like my dad at all, but my mum is completely oblivious to the things he does, she still head over heels for him after numerous things he has done
@Datgal1
Dang I'm sorry about your friend and both of your dads :(
I relate to what you're saying about having zero motivation, it sucks. I haven't been diagnosed with anything either, but I've realized that its not an official diagnosis or label for feelings that matters, its the feelings themselves. If you could talk to one of your closer friends in the group about what you're going through that could help.
Hang in there girl, and, I know this will sound cliche, but, things will get better.
@KellySunflower
Thanks for reading.
i really hope things get better, thank you
@Datgal1
Hey there so thanks so much for sharing about how you are feeling. Id feel very exhausted feeling depressed for about a year and a half. Glad that you came to share that. Sounds like youd rather stay in bed and not do the things you used to do, I guess you might have read a bit on depression and seen some similarities.
Id feel a bit confused when you feel nothing horribly traumatic has happened but still feel down. As a teen, Id feel that my friends circle is very important as you see them the most while studying and things like that. So when a friend starts to belittle you it would hurt worse than someone you dont know. Id feel a bit things suck at home with how you described things with your dad and it would be nicer if he could be accepting of your sexual orientation.
Oh sorry about your dog they are like family and losing him would hurt. Id feel worried and upset about what happened with your friend. Anyway it can be terrifying talking to someone in real life and this site is great because it is anonymous and confidential. We will be in touch!
@Datgal1
Hey. Wow. Thats tough. You can message me anytime even though I am not a listener. I've been through a time like that where I just needed a friend or someone to talk to. So, hmu
My life is a mess. Lets talk about family first. So my parents are narrow minded. No right of choice, no right to travel. Nothing. They complete my materialistic needs but that isn't enough. Life is more than it. So all my life i have been shifting from doing one thing to another because they won't let me go out. I wanted to be a designer but now ended up studying for Cma . I cannot go outside my house alone or with friends.
So i am an introvert and it has always been hard to talk to people or make friends. So somehow i made a friend who then turned into my bestfriend then my boyfriend. I wasn't looking for bf and wasn't attracted to him but the fear of losing my only friend made me jump into a relationship with him. After few days i realised what i did was wrong and then i confessed it to him ,to which he made me believe that i love him too. So it worked for 4 years. We met for only few times. It was weird when i faced him than being online. I liked it better online. In between 4 years many times i have tried to explain him the situation but he wouldn't listen and said he would kill himself. And i stuck by his side. Then one day i just couldn't see a future and told him bluntly. And broke up. Then he again patched up. And in few days broke up. It broke me completely. I had no one to talk to. I thought i did a mistake. Was depressed. I wanted to go back. Its been 1.5 years, it hurts. And he knew i needed him as a friend but he wasn't there. I hated him and myself more. Life sucks.
@Datgal1
@Datgal1
Hey Charlotte! I too think I'm depressed and have a weird dad. You could try to talk to a sibling who'd understand. Also try to completely ignore your dad. I did those and I'm coping now, except he divided my family in half.
You should find something that takes your mind off stuff and helps you relax. I do swimming/writing/music and it really helps.
Best of luck, Kadi.
