Caring for a disabled spouse without resentment
Does anyone else feel angry sometimes when they have to cancel for the hundredth time, or miss out on that family event again?
I feel so selfish for saying this, but sometimes I get really sad and upset. My husband is 28 and has been chronically issues for 3 years. I'm 29 and I feel like I'm missing out on life.
It's hard to jump between all of the emotions.
@intelligentAcai9454 Hi I am chronically ill and have oftened wondered how my partner feels about it. I am sure that he has felt some of the same feelings that you experiance. I have often encouraged him to go places on his own,when I am not up to it. (He doesn't want to though). Would this be an option for you at times? Are there any accomodations that could be made for him in order to make family gatherings easier for him to attend.
@adventurousBranch3786 I am so sorry for the pain you must be going through. My husband also tells me to go and do things without him, but whenever I do, I feel really guilty and anxious, so it seems easie to just not go. I know that's all on me, but I can't seek to find a good solution. Just miserable either way.
@intelligentAcai9454 I'm sorry that you feel guilty to leave your husband alone Have you ever considered talking to a therapist about how you feel.? It must be hard in your 20's to be a home a lot. I hope that you can find something that helps..
@intelligentAcai9454
Unfortunately life does not chose when and how to hit us...It is extremely unfortunate what happened to your husband at such an early age...It is normal to feel frustrated not being able to life your life in ypur prime...Money solves everything, if you had lots of money and your husband is a burden for you and have no love or devotion for him, then you could have checked him in into a caring center...If you have no money available than ask friends or family to watch him for short periods of time so that you get your respite and enjoy life a bit...such is life, throwing bad things at us and not letting us enjoy living...I am sorry for the torment, frustration and anguish of all your troibles caring for your hurt husband...I wish love was string in you because that could help, but if resentment manifests itself it is clear there is no more love, just pkain "duty"...sad, very sad...
@feelitinyourbones
Thank you so much for your response. There is still love there... but my husband's condition and medication he is on also makes him extremely irritable, sometimes unpredictably so.
It is difficult for me, during these times, to justify giving up so much, just to be met with his anger. He grew up in a very abusive family, so fighting is his first response to any disagreement. And after being in constant pain for 3 years, sometimes he's just ready to explode.
It sucks.
@intelligentAcai9454
I am sorry, people finding themselves with disabilities get angry and frustrated, a natural response not necessarilly your husband's character...try counselling and therapy, they take time to explain his current condition better than you can and help him cope with it and come to terms and peace...your situation really is regretable but bit by bit you may try to improve and somehow deal with the unfortunate situation...when they told me they might have to cut up my whole leg from the hip, my vision went black andI was mad...noone likes to have smth bad happen to them and there are responses out there which turn to medium term anger and bitterness...if you can afford it offer him counselling and therapy if he is willing to accept...they have the right things to explain and tell him...
@intelligentAcai9454
I'm in the same situation, my husbfriend have been with chronic pain for several years, also have PSDT, his changing moods, frustrations and anxiety has been a very hard on me. Sometimes I wish I just run fast and far of all this situation. All the rest of my life caring him 24/7 so I do not have time to do anything, sometimes I got myself so frustrated. I still tryin how to recover myself because we lost ourselves when we dedicate to others, but is not simple task. On the top of everything. I love him so much. It just time to time I feel burn out. Is a roller coaster, sometimes are very bad and other not at all.
As a disabled person I always feel like a complete burden and totally useless.
@tluper6491
I guess I should mention I'm also 28 and I've completely given up on life because I'm crippled and alone and I have no future. Your feelings are absolutely valid but trust me, it sucks on both sides. I wake up every day knowing I'm a complete and utter burden to the few people who tolerate my existence and that I have nothing in my lifer to hope for or look forward to and I have nobody I can talk to about any of this.
@tluper6491
I really shouldn't have even posted. I'm such a fucking idiot.
