How do i cope with anxiety?
Lately ive been struggling with anxiety，like i'm scared that it will never get better and i'll be sick forever. I'm scared that i will never find an answer to whats causing my illness. I'm scared that people will judge me or think that i'm weak or they may not even believe me when i tell them i'm sick. I want to tell my teachers about my health condition but it's difficult for me to be honest about a difficult topic like chronic illness...but on the other hand, i don't want to suffer in silence.
How do you cope with anxiety? And how do i stop wanting to control everything, especially my future?
@pinkKite8784
I felt exactly like you are describing at the beginning and for many years into my physical illnesses and anxiety. Firstly, let me say that EVERYTHING you are feeling and saying is valid. I was not believed by everyone in my family for years, besides my mom. Please don’t take that to mean it will be that way for you. There are many resources I have come across throughout my 21 year journey, and if you are interested, I would be happy to share some books, other information, and maybe even exchange stories with you. I also want you to say that I am sorry you are experiencing these hardships. And you are not alone. If you’d like to continue a conversation with me, just let me know. 🙂
@mmackinblack
Thank you for your support. Could you tell me more about your story and your struggles?
I absolutely can! But it is a really long story. And I’d also like to hear about yours. 13 days after my 21st birthday, I was injured in an accident. That’s kind of a long story in and of itself, so I can save that for later. Within a few months, my health seemed to just deteriorate significantly and it took about 5 years before I got diagnosed with my conditions. And during that time, pretty much everyone had the opinion that I was making it up, that I just wanted to be lazy, and that I was drug seeking as I was experiencing some pretty severe pain. Which just floored me because I had never before exhibited any of those attributes. I was extremely active, hard working, and my life was going perfectly! I couldn’t understand how anyone would think that in the midst of my ideal life that one day I would just simply decide that I didn’t want to get out of bed. Even after I got my (now multiple) diagnoses, people continued to think that way. I am now 41, I’ve finally been approved for SSI disability benefits. I should have applied many years earlier, but hindsight… I kept trying to make myself work and finish college for 12 years because part of me bought into these people’s opinions. When I should have been able to focus on getting better, I kept pushing myself to get back to how I was. Which of course, was not possible. Again, hindsight. :) From the onset of my symptoms all the way to now, I have struggled with depression and anxiety. Because, being sick for 20 years and having your closest family treat you like you’re lying is depressing! I can absolutely go into further detail as we continue to communicate. But that’s probably a good amount of info for now. Would you like to tell me a little about your story and experiences? After all I have been through, the one thing I know is that I feel like I have a responsibility to try and help others going through things like this so maybe their journey can be less lengthy. And that the 20 years of information I have come across can be made available to others so they don’t have to spend 20 years gathering that information and hopefully shorten their pain (emotional and physical). I’m glad you responded to me. Thank you!
@mmackinblack
I'm sorry to hear about your accident and that your family doesn't believe you.
Here's my story. So i'm actually still a university student and sometimes i feel scared that i'll never feel a sense of normalcy again. I want to enjoy my life as a young adult, that is; hanging out with friends, attending school, etc. But it's difficult when i see so many people in my university who love to smoke and they seem so healthy meanwhile there's me who cries myself to sleep often because it's difficult to balance house chores, chronic illness, and also school ( i have math classes too, and of course exams ). Even simple things like cooking is difficult for me and i honestly envy and even resent those who smoke, as in i get bitter about my sickness and their seemingly good health. I want to come to terms with my illness but i don't know how. Do you have any advice?
@pinkKite8784
And also do you have any advice on how to balance between college, chronic illness, and self care (doing house chores and taking care of yourself in general) ?
Thank you for replying to me too, i appreciate it 😊 i currently need someone to vent to because i've been feeling a bit overwhelmed recently
Oh, hon! I have definitely been there. I had to drop out of art school during the second semester of my junior year. I also owned my owned art gallery, owned a house with a boyfriend of 5 years, interned at a visual arts magazine and even had a couple articles published in that magazine. And within about 4 months of my accident, all of that was gone. My boyfriend left me, sold our house… Bitterness was consuming me at that point. And I definitely understand being envious of peers, especially because they take so much for granted that it can feel offensive. I wish I could tell you how to come to terms with your illness, but I still struggle with that myself. What I can say is that being grateful for the things that you can do is very helpful, but difficult, especially at first. Over time, you learn to understand your limitations so that you don’t overextend yourself and end up having to force yourself to recover for longer than if you had stopped at the right time. And that just takes time and some trial and error.
Do you have a support system in place? Family members or friends who are understanding of your situation? That can really make a huge difference.
Finding a balance is also learned with time and trial and error. You also at times must be somewhat assertive about your boundaries. It is your inherent right as a human to have your boundaries respected by everyone in your life. That is not selfishness, it is self care. Which you must put at the top of your priorities. And that especially applies to your mental wellbeing. Remember, you cannot be of any help to others if you are not ensuring that you are taking proper care of yourself. And try not to be hard on yourself when you feel like you should have done more. Beating yourself up will not do any good. Learn how to practice positive self talk. How we think of ourselves and talk to ourselves can either help us tremendously or hurt us unnecessarily.
If your illness is not fatal, then remember you have time. And mistakes will happen. But, if we never make mistakes, then we never learn. I believe that no experience can be considered as useless or without value if you learn something from it. I hope I haven’t overwhelmed you with all this. I too, cried myself to sleep so many times that I couldn’t count them all. But the sooner you start applying some of these practices, and they may not all appeal to you or work for you as everyone is different, you may find that the anger and bitterness grows less and less, allowing you to focus on what improves your quality of life and emotional wellbeing.
Also, the fact that you are seeking information from a platform such as this shows great courage and tenacity. You are already doing things that you can benefit from, and I commend you for having the wherewithal and confidence to reach out for help. You are obviously a strong and intelligent person, worthy of praise to approach your situation in this manner.
@mmackinblack
Thank you for your reply, i appreciate it a lot!
Thankfully, i do have a support system which is my family. But i haven't told any of my friends and teachers about my chronic illness because it's a difficult topic to talk about. My family is supportive but sometimes i wish that they'd just listen to me vent without having to give me advice. My mom tells me that i have to come to terms with my illness, but it's difficult. I just want her to listen to me vent, not give my some advice. And she also keeps on telling me that i HAVE TO accept it, but i can't force myself to accept something if my heart still feels bitter/resentful.
Currently i'm trying to be more gentle with myself but it's difficult too. I worry too much about my health in the future and i spend too much time regretting the past. I used to be healthy as a kid but i took it all for granted and i never took good care of my health and i regret it so much, but i can't go back to my past... have you ever felt regretful of the (health) mistakes that you did in the past? And how do i stop focusing too much on my past mistakes and worry too much about the future?
You do not have to do anything that you are not comfortable with or ready for. This is your journey. While our parents mean well with their advice, sometimes it feels less than helpful because they can’t understand what you are going through. And you don’t have to talk to anyone about your situation until you are ready and you want to. It is your business, and entirely your choice how to navigate that aspect.
You can vent to me until you’re blue in the face. I definitely am with you on that one. I never was really looking for someone else to advise me on what I should or shouldn’t do, but to be a kind and open ear. Someone who can listen and comfort.
Yes, I do regret taking my good health for granted. But for me, it has been so long ago that I no longer remember what that feels like. And there is no one way to stop focusing on the past or worrying about the future. That also, in my experience, is something that comes with time. I wish I had a better answer there. However, one way to sort of get through that a bit more quickly is to study up on how to be mindful and keep yourself in the present. A quote I have always liked is “worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere”.
Also, your reaction to your situation is right on. If you weren’t feeling effed up towards an effed up situation, that’s when someone should worry.
May I ask your approximate age and how long you have been struggling with these issues? If you’re uncomfortable sharing that info, I understand. I just thought it might give me a better idea of where you are in your “journey”, for lack of a better word.
@mmackinblack
I am in my early 20s and i've been dealing with chronic illness for around 5 years now unfortunately. I've gone to quite a lot of doctors, but i've never really found a right diagnosis ( i struggle with chronic vertigo ) , let alone a right medication, because usually the tests come back normal. But honestly sometimes i wish that the tests could show what is wrong with my health, so i can get the correct diagnosis and treatment. But then again, my mom tells me that i should be grateful that my tests come back normal, but i don't see that as something to be grateful for...it just leaves me feeling confused, disappointed, and hopeless. Sometimes i feel so tired of my life, i'm still young but i already worry that i can't enjoy a normal young adulthood life. It makes me so sad when i see other people chasing their dreams and meanwhile there's me who's just trying to survive another (sick) day. Sometimes i wonder what the meaning of life is , when life will always throw us problems. What do you think the meaning of life is?
Your story has so many parallels to mine. It is uncanny. I remember that frustration vividly. Many of my tests for years came back normal. I was even blacklisted from an entire hospital system because a doctor thought I was drug seeking and they were unable to find a correct diagnosis for me. In the end, it was a $30 blood test that proved that I had an autoimmune disease. But it took five years for me to get that diagnosis. I do have some other diagnoses that stemmed from my accident. But reading your messages is like looking back into those years of my life. At one point in time, and this was before I got my accurate diagnoses, I was on 21 different medications. And I really do know personally how confused, disappointed, and hopeless you feel right now. And my heart just goes out to you because it is probably one of the most difficult things that a human can experience, especially at such an early age. Feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired is also something that I am extremely familiar with. Watching my peers go through their lives and achieve the things that they have, like completing their college degrees and starting families, and purchasing homes, and doing all the things that normal healthy people get to do, was very excruciating for me as well.
I do not know what the meaning of life is, and if I did, then I would probably be on a similar level with a god. 😊. The amount of suffering that I have experienced over the last 20 years of my life causes me to contemplate your very question quite often. What possibly could be the purpose of living a life that is devoid of the normal joys that average people get to experience, and then have those joys replaced with physical and emotional suffering? In this moment, what I can say is that the purpose of my life is to try and enjoy as much as I can, and help as many others who are experiencing similar difficulties that I have as I can. I don’t want you to take my experience and think that by any stretch of the imagination that yours will be similar. I think I may be able to help point you in some directions towards specific doctors (specialists, if not a specific doctor) that may be able to help you. If we get to the point where you are comfortable enough with sharing enough of your information where I may be able to have some input on that. Do you have good health insurance? Have you considered going somewhere like the Mayo Clinic?
I have yet to discover the meaning of my life. But I do know that I have always made a purposeful decision to try and be a good person. To treat other people kindly, and with compassion, regardless of the fact that others have not treated me that way. But by living my life that way, I can rest very easily, knowing that if I were to meet my maker tomorrow, that I would have nothing to worry about. I have no problem looking myself in the mirror, and knowing that even in the face of this suffering, that I still remained true to myself and did the absolute best that I could.
Are you familiar with the Inspire App? There could be some good info and resources for you there as well.
@mmackinblack
No, what kind of App is that?
Inspire is an app that is like a social media app but for people with illnesses. It is somewhat similar to this app, but it seems to be focused on a lot more specific diagnoses forums that you can join. There may be a good amount of information for you there.
@mmackinblack
Thank you very much, knowing that I am not alone and having someone that validates my feelings mean a lot to me. Usually people just tell me that i look fine, but they don't realize the amount of times i cry myself to sleep. And there's also other people who tell me that there's worse illnesses like cancer. It's true that cancer is more painful but it hurt me when people say things like that.
Thankfully i do have a good insurance though and no, i've never been to Mayo Clinic before. I come from Indonesia and it is on the opposite side of the world from America, even the timezone is a 24 hour difference i think. But it is uncanny how we have similar stories, but i'm happy to have someone to talk to. I'm an ambivert and like to socialize, i've been wanting to socialize recently but illness gets in the way.
I’m so glad to hear that. I feel like I’ve been so useless to anyone, pretty much, so to have you say that makes me feel really happy.
I have heard constantly, but you look fine. Well, dammit. I don’t feel fine! And it’s necessary to believe in yourself. If you are not feeling well, trust yourself. We have instincts for a reason. Trust them. I don’t know much about how the medical system is set up in Indonesia. But be your own advocate. Do not take no for an answer if one doctor says something you don’t agree with. The thing that is unfortunate is that so much of this takes time and energy. And I know I’d rather spend my time and energy on things I enjoy, but just try to find a balance.
I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner, but I got a little sick myself for a couple of days and I just had to rest.
Reach out whenever. If I don’t respond right away, please assume that it’s because I’m personally not feeling well, and not because I’m not here. Do something nice for yourself today. You really are strong and you deserve a little pick me up. 😊
@mmackinblack
Thank you for replying back to me. I was feeling down today but i felt better when you replied and gave me some support.
I hope you feel better soon. How have you been? 😊
And honestly i can relate too with feeling useless and even worthless 😭 i feel that way wayyyy too often. But you are definitely NOT useless. You help me feel way better and i'm thankful for your help and kindness. You are doing God's work by helping other people with chronic illnesses
@mmackinblack
I actually want to do something nice for myself but i dont really know what. I dont really have that much hobbies honestly. What is something nice that you like to do for yourself?
@pinkKite8784 a home manicure with a self hand massage too 🥰
Hi there! Thank you so much for your kind words. And I am feeling a little better now, thank you for asking. How are you feeling?
I was hoping that there was a way for members to have one on one chats or to exchange private messages. I looked at the FAQs, and it seems like you can, but I wasn’t able to figure out how to initiate such a thing. Do you know how? While I don’t have an issue with continuing to converse as we have been, I would like to see if we can set up a private message or one on one chat. Is that something you would be interested in, if it is possible and within the guidelines for this app?
I will answer your most recent questions in more depth in this thread very soon. I would just like to put a little more thought and time into my responses, and I am also in need of a little rest first.
My thoughts are with you. I’m so glad to have found you here. I’ll write again later on today. Chin up!
@mmackinblack
I'm actually not really that interested to have a one on one private chat
Of course. I apologize if I was presumptuous. I am still drafting my response to your earlier message about hobbies and things to do to help make yourself feel better. But every single time I tried to complete a task today, I got derailed by nonsense! I’m still trying to get a few things done I wanted to today, and now it is technically tomorrow (as it is after midnight 😊). I just wanted you to know I do have a few suggestions, and I’ll post them in this thread asap. I hope you had a good day, and that you are able to rest well!
@mmackinblack
I'm doing okay, thank you. Glad to hear that you're feeling better
@mmackinblack Hi there. It's impossible for members to directly message other members for one to one conversations.
Only listeners and members can have one to one messages.
Hope that helps. I'm happy to answer any questions you may have too.
Thank you. What is so strange is that when I initially asked the FAQ section how to initiate a member chat, it gave me instructions. But I clearly derped it! Or I mixed up where I thought I saw member and it was actually listener or therapist.
That was very helpful, and I appreciate you taking the time to help.
I do happen to have another question for you now. If one were interested in delving deeper into a specific topic with another member, how would they go about that while staying within the app guidelines? I am not saying I am averse to allowing others to comment or contribute to any thread they have the desire to at all. It just seems that a situation could arise when a member may not want some details about themselves shared with everyone on the app. And if a member were to feel that way, would the only solution be to refrain from sharing that information altogether?
@mmackinblack the simple answer is . . Yep!
Members are the users that share their problems and seek support.
Listeners are the users that listen and give support. If they want to get support then they need to switch to their member account. We are encouraged to have one member and one listener account and then use them following the guidelines. But another rule is that we don't share both names, that way we remain anonymous and safer.
Thank you so much! I never would have put that together on my own, or even using the FAQ page. And the way you explained the reasoning behind why was very skillful! I bet you are quite the listener!
I feel pretty fortunate for having found this app. I am absolutely struggling with everything that goes along with being disabled. Lately, my anxiety and anger has been so far off the charts that I had forgotten I could feel so negatively. I was an extremely angry and depressed child (as early as 9!), but I worked incredibly hard to stop being so angry, and finally succeeding in my mid 20s. But it is back with a fierce vengeance, and I’ve for sure forgotten some of the coping skills I used to employ. The psychological/emotional aspect of being chronically ill is definitely more difficult for me to deal with than the physical pain I experience every day. If you’ve got any little pointers, I am so all ears!
@mmackinblack
Hello, how have you been?
@pinkKite8784 Hi Pink, another doctor or medical person my advice is only personal life. Facing any disability alone in their private will cause you severe anxiety share find someone you can talk to about what's going on with you and how are you can get some type of medical attention. If you're head about you and continue to use sites like this
@pinkKite8784
It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy mix of fear and uncertainty, and I hear how exhausting it feels to not know if things will get better or how others might see you. Wanting to control the future makes sense—it’s your mind trying to protect you—but at the same time it leaves you feeling stuck. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to take one small step at a time.
@pinkKite8784It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of fear and pressure right now. Anxiety can make everything feel overwhelming and out of control. One step is to focus on what you can manage in the moment, like small routines or self-care, instead of trying to control everything about the future. Talking to someone you trust, even a teacher or counselor, can also help you feel less alone — you deserve support, and being honest about your health is okay.