How to cope when treatments don't work?
Hello, I'm Maris, and I have a lot of knee pain when I walk. Growing up, a lot of people (teachers, parents, peers) told me that I needed to exercise more and it would hurt but eventually get better. Eventually never came, so I gave up on that after years of pushing. This year, I'm finally on my own insurance, and I went to a doctor. She actually believed me, for once! And she said 'yeah we know what this problem is, you can go to physical therapy and it'll fix it'
Fast forward several weeks, and PT was as effective as generic exercise. I've been pushing myself to work harder and hurt more, and the PT is just baffled that I'm not better yet. I'm supposed to be building up particular muscles, and my body just. won't. I wasn't even making meaningful progress.
I'm seeing my doctor soon to talk about where to go from here, but I'm feeling really down, because I finally thought that I'd found a solution and all the muscle pain and side effects of PT would mean I could walk where I need to, and it's gym class failure all over again. How do you guys deal with the frustration and disappointment when things that are supposed to work don't and you have to start over again?
That is really frustrating, but the good news is that it sounds like you still have options to try!
One thing you may want to look into is articles on chronic pain, when in pain for so long sometimes after the issue is fixed, the pain can remain for much longer than what's expected as acute and chronic pain are different. It might help set up realistic expectations for the future.
As for coping in the meantime? For me it would be allowing myself to be frustrated/disappointed/bitter for a while. Rant to friends, to a listener on here, overall have a fairly negative mood. When I try to look at the positives when going through that disappointment it just prolongs those feelings. Once I've worked that out for a while, then I can move on towards looking at the positives that are going on. This doesn't work for everyone - I see so much about positive rephrasing and stuff like that, but when I have those negative emotions trying to be optimistic doesn't really help. You can also try positive rephrasing if that seems like that would be beneficial to you - try turning negative thoughts into positive. Ie. "I'm still in pain" goes to "I'm still in pain but there are possibilities that can relieve some of that."
Other things that work too is just the enjoyable mental self care kind of stuff - do an activity that's enjoyable and doesn't cause pain, buy a good book, have a good chat with a friend about other things, etc.
For your specific situation too I would also consider the fact that it's not totally starting over (once I've over that negative phase!). Dealing with problems is often trial and error and getting through one 'error' means one less thing that needs to be tried. You're closer on this path. Also, while you may not have gotten any symptom relief from what you have been doing, it's possible the physio will be beneficial when you do find something that works. Sometimes it's a combination of things that are needed to see any result, but the individual factors are still a part of that.
@AffyAvo Thank you for all of this advice! I really appreciate it. I think I'm the same way with positive affirmations; a lot of people were hearing my disappointment and saying things about how I needed to keep my chin up and keep trying, which just made me feel worse. I think taking my time to be disappointed and frustrated is a good idea. Plus, you're right, there are things I can try in the future, and hopefully those things will work better than the things that haven't yet!
@AffyAvo I am the same way. I need time to be disappointed and sad and angry and just generally negative. I hate that pressure to "look on the bright side", it just makes me feel worse. I think a lot of people think that they need to be happy at all times. But "negative" emotions are valid and appropriate! I'm learning to allow myself to feel those bad feelings and I find that I deal a lot better with stuff, than when I try to "think positive". I've seen it referred to as "toxic positivity".
I went through this with pain medication for almost a year. Trying new things, thinking oh this might work then it actually not working. Now I am on a painkiller that helps best. Had to drop a few doses due to side effects so now I am at a happy medium
Stick with it and you will find something that helps