Anorexia - how do you actually feel today?
I am feeling good, I ate some good today... And I actually enjoyed it.
@Thenamelessauthor - That's fantastic, good for you! I am so happy to hear that you were able to enjoy eating today, and I hope that those feelings stick with you. Take care!
@Thenamelessauthor woah woah woah woah!!! I'd be happy if I was able to do that. That's extreme progress. Well done.
@alexlove lol, it takes a lot of getting better but once that moment happens it will feel amazing
I ate all my meals so far, and I feel good about it.
@kiley25 - Woohoo! Keep it up and stay strong - you are a warrior!
@kiley25 you are incredibly strong. I admire you. Keep going.
I've gained half a pound this week so far and I'm proud I guess. Going back to healthier habits gets harder with every hour of the day for me. I don't dread mealtime as much I suppose, but knowing what's going to happen makes me a little disgusted with myself.
@thalia14 - It's definitely hard, and I know that often the feelings are really mixed - being proud of yourself for fighting (and succeeding!) at recovery while simultaneously having the eating disorder shouting at you that it's wrong, but I think it's a big victory to be able to be proud of yourself, and I am incredibly proud of you, too. Keep up the amazing work, and stay strong!
Ate my first meal in a few days :( finally started to make some progress, then the following week... was horrible. Going to leave last week where it belongs and try to start this week on a more positive note!
@LittleLeprechaun - I think that's a great approach - what's in the past is in the past, but you can move forward and make the decisions that you want to this week to work towards recovery. You are strong and you are capable. You can do this.
I feel like a house. I am pregnant and have gestational diabetes. I have to eat so much more than I want to and am used to. My blood sugar dictates what I must eat. If it is low I need to keep eating no matter how full I am. Totally sucks. I knew being prego with anorexic struggles would be hard just no clue how hard:(
@indigoSea3240 - It is hard, and I wish there was an easy way to make it feel better, but there isn't. But I'm really proud of you for making yourself eat more even when you don't want to in order to take care of that baby. He or she will be so much stronger because of the care you are showing yourself and your child by fighting through the anorexia and eating. Stay strong - you can do this.
@indigoSea3240
I have two kids, I was extremely undernourished when I got pregnant and find it amazing that I got pregnant. I counted the days till baby turned 1 so I could start starving again and lo and behold, I was already pregnant with baby #2. It was all about the baby for the first year, needed to make sure he was healthy. Hang in there, soon you will be able to go back to your old ways....
I feel awful. I have relapsed. For many relapsed means you have engaged in unhealthy behavior. For me relapsed is the opposite. I have eaten. I have gotten fat. Went on vacation with my family for 2 weeks and all my hard work has gone down the drain. I am fat. I hate it. Hate myself. Wish things were different....NEED MY CONTROL BACK
@Chillybones01 - I know it's hard to admit that your body actually needs nourishment and to let it have that, but has starving made anything better in your life? Has it made you as happy as the eating disorder promises it will? Or has it just made things harder and more painful?
@Anomalia
I know this is not the answer you want to hear but so far, I have loved the bones and the control. Yes, sometimes I feel like its a losing battle but then the whisper of more to lose gives me the extra push I need....
I ate more than I planned today and I feel really bad about it.
(TW maybe?)
All I can hear in my head is "you didn't have to eat that", "you should've avoided it", "you'll never get thin like this". That and planning how to exercise — harder than usual, a punishment of sorts.
@thelonesomerider - I am all too familiar with that voice that yells back and tells you that eating will ruin everything, but if you step back when you aren't in the moment, what do you think about that voice? What evidence do you have that that voice has your best interests at heart? What would the voice of someone who loved you say? What will ultimately help you lead a life full of joy?
@Anomalia I don't think I'll ever be able to answer those questions. But thank you for at least trying to leave something positive for me.
I feel similar to one of those trivia games.
I think I spent so much time ignoring the pain and the emotion I had before I barely recognize how I'm feeling now. Maybe I am not always sad. Maybe I just don't know, and feeling strange isn't anything but being sad to me.
I don't know what I need or want. Am I actually hungry? Do I really want some of that? I'm baking a cake without knowing the ingredients. Maybe if I mix this and this and throw it in the oven that the certain temperature, and happy and healthy will come out.
But to be honest, I was never good at baking, even when I had the recipe.
I have been eating better than I did yesterday, my brain has been hurting more as well. Maybe it'll get better tomorrow.
I hope so.
@thalia14 - These words ring so incredibly true to me and tell me that as much as it doesn't feel like it, that you're making a lot of progress in recovery. The eating disorder forces you to cover all your feelings instead of feeling them. It tells you that you aren't hungry, no matter what. It tells you that the recipe for happiness is the destruction of your body. Now that you're moving towards recovery, it's a lot less clear, which is really hard, but it's ultimately positive. You're learning other options, you're learning to feel the things you didn't let yourself before, and ultimately, you'll be able to find those answers honestly, rather than through the lies your disorder told you.
Sometimes you will be sad, sometimes angry, sometimes happy, sometimes excited, sometimes so many other emotions, and being able to really feel them and move through them will help you find more of those happy moments and live a honest and real life.
Sometimes you'll be hungry and sometimes not, but you'll relearn how to learn from your body what it needs and be able to enjoy food, to experience normal hunger and fullness cues, to eat with others, and to not feel the constant stress of thinking about food.
And as hard as this recipe is to find happiness, you can get there. The first step is where you are right now - seeing all these confusing sides and options and trying to figure them out. But being able to see them all. You're on the right path, and you can do this. You are strong and you can do this.
Fat
@Jinks - What else? I know that sometimes that fat feeling can overwhelm all the other emotions you have, but I've found that usually it sits on top of a multitude of other feelings that your disorder doesn't want to let you feel. What are those feelings today?
@Anomalia I feel defeated a loser....but when I lose weight I feel like a winner.
Cant stop my binge eating. I have to go to sleep just to forget about food today
@SilvijaSar - One thing that I think can be really helpful when you're having trouble stopping a habit is to start by identifying when it is better and worse and starting to learn your triggers. Is there a time of day that you are more likely to binge? A place? After seeing certain people or doing certain things? What about the reverse? What are things that happen during the day that make you less likely to binge? If you're not sure, starting to track it can be helpful to identify those things and then work to fight those triggers.
