Anorexia - then & now

I had a slow descent into anorexia. I had a very hard time adjusting to my high school environment. I had previously attended a very small private school but in 9th grade I started at a large public school where I knew almost no one. I was shy and had always had insecurities about my body and such (think glasses and braces and acne and all the other not so fun stuff that comes with adolescence). I was also a perfectionist. I was a straight A student and threw myself into my studies and in high school that perfectionism extended into exercising. I was really into dance, especially ballet, and had recently gotten into running. I thought I didn't look "right" and that in order to look "right" and fit like all the other athletes and dancers I had to eat less and exercise more. This was being drilled into me at health class as well and I was not in a state where I could see that that didn't apply to me.

Now, my experience with anorexia was different becauseI never thought I was fat. Perhaps that is why it took so long for me to be diagnosed. I had been thin all my life and the goal of my exercisingwas not to lose weight but rather to become more fit. However, I ended up losing weight but I denied that anything was wrong and refused to change my diet and exercise regimen. I hopped from dietitian to dietitian and therapist to therapist, refusing to admit there was any problem until one day my doctor told me it had gone too far. This was in my senior year of high school. At that point I had begun experiencing a creeping realization that what I was doing was not good and not what I thought I was doing at all (getting fit). I started intensive outpatient therapy, which were the most difficult four months of my life when I realized what exactly I had done to myself and how undernourished I was. It was physically very difficult to increase my intake of food. Emotionally, it was also very difficult because of all the strain it placed on my family. As for the actual weight gain part, I realized as treatment progressed that it was what I needed. I felt better and my clothes fit. (Previously I had to shop mostly in the children's section). My fears about becoming "unfit looking" after weight gain were unfounded. In fact, I looked much healthier. Recovery is hard but it's 100% possible and 100% worth it!

This is the one year anniversary of the beginning of my intensive outpatient. I am now completely recovered and graduate from the last part of my therapy on Thursday. :) For all the members on here, I've been where you've been and I remember. I'd be honored to support you in any way I can.

@SpringsofHope all my respect to you , Big hug <3

Holasoyanorexicaybulimicadesdelos 16asmegustarconocerpersonasquehallanpasadoporestoo loestenpasando.Muchosbesos!!!