Bulimia - What does it feel like?
I can only speak from my own experiences but every waking moment of my life is about what im going to eat, when im going to eat it, how im going to get it, food food food food food
I spend upwards of 15 hours a day doing nothing but stuffing myself and vomiting, regardless of how sick I am or how much physical pain it puts me in (The other week I had infected tonsils but?? still binging and purging). I dont taste the food anymore, I dont care what I eat, if its cooked or anything of that sort. I eat purely to have something to vomit back up and push away any emotion I feel regardless of if its a good one like joy because I'd rather feel nothing.
Food and binging and purging and laxatives and exercise and self destruction are the only things in my life that make me feel like my life is worth living, Im 17, have over 40 fillings and will have dentures within the next 5 years because this is the only thing I've done with my life.
I never got to go to public high school, ended up homeschooled by ninth grade because it had progressed to where I couldnt function. I havent had a single friend in over 5 years, Ive left my house maybe once a week at the most (usually closer to once a month) because im so ashamed of who I am as a person.
@FyreFli - Hi there - thank you for sharing your experiences with us. It sounds like it's been (and still is) a long and difficult journey. With where things are now, do you think you might be ready to try recovery? I (and this community) would love to support you in that if it's something you are working towards.
Take care
@Anomalia
Because of y really bad quality family life I don't really have the option until I'm 18 so I'm just trying to hold out until then
@FyreFli Hi Im 15 and I also struggle with bulimia and I just wanted to say that Its a hard path Im dealing with and I haven't talked to anyone about it and I don't want to but I would wnourage you if you feel brave to talk to someone about it, I have many times tried to talk to my mom about this about having no control over food and what they out me infront I will eat it but then after everyone is gone I will go for more and more and more and now it's like a habit that Ican't get out of because Im scared that now that Im a little overweight I will stop and get fatter keep trying
@pilaracevess - Hi there, I wanted to reach out and see how you're doing. You said that you've been struggling with bulimia, but unable to talk to your mom about it - would it help to start by talking to someone here? You're always welcome to message me if you like. Sending good thoughts your way!
To me, bulimia is like what i imagine being possessed would be like....the overwhelming need/urge to purge the food you have eaten out of your body.
When i need to be sick, even if i dont want to be, i do it anyway
I am constantly worrying about the fat and sugar content of the food i eat and trying to not eat too much because if i feel full, i cant stand the feeling and i purge...
I had stopped for 5 months this year and i relapsed back into it.....ive been doing it for about 7 years....sometimes itll be once a week or less, but in my bad times it can be up to three times a day...and thats where i am currently at at the moment....