[Trigger Warning] Things not to say to somebody struggling with an Eating Disorder
Hello ED Warriors! 
Today I started to think about the different things, that one may say that instead of helping support us - actually triggers us further into our eating disorder. Sometimes its hard to know the line and what we should avoid saying, so I thought a thread may be a good idea so that others know things that they should avoid. Please Note: In this thread there are likely to be messages that may be triggering to different individuals. Please do not read past this point if you are easily triggered. Therefore I am starting this thread to share some messages and help others learn what not to say.
"What are some things that we should avoid saying to somebody struggling with an Eating Disorder?"
Share some of the phrases you come up with below
I look forward to hearing your messages!
@emsworld
These can be phrases about someone's weight but I these these phrases in general are pretty hurtful when you're struggling with an ED (or any kind of mental illness)
"You're so lucky"
"You don't realise how good you have it"
"Don't worry about it"
"Just think more positively"
@romanticthi3f For sure, there can be general comments that we can find difficult to hear when in an ED headspace, whether it be directed to our weight or not! I would totally agree with you that these 4 phrases are super frustrating to hear. Often times people will feel like they are reassuring us by saying that we don't have anything to worry about, or that we are lucky in the situation we are in - but with negative mindsets, we can twist things that may seem like reassuring phrases, to think about the possible negative meanings behind it! I would also say about the last phrase, that for me - it seems very invalidating! It isn't as simple as just flicking a switch and thinking positively, there are usually many different layers that we would need to go through! Thank you for these!
"Just eat!" or "Just eat less!" - anything that minimizes how hard it is
"You already look great!" "You look healthy" - basically anything commenting directly on looks
"Can't you see how unfair this is to _____" - anything that adds more guilt or makes it about someone else
On the other hand, a couple great things to say:
"I know this is hard and I'm here for you"
"I don't know how to best support you, but I love you and I'm here"
"I'm really proud of you for [insert step, no matter how small]"
"Hey, just wanted to check in - how are you doing?"
"Is there anything I can do to support you better?"
@Anomalia For sure, anything that makes someone feel guilty, disregards the struggles they may go through or comments on the individuals appearance would be a super risky, and triggering thing to say to somebody suffering! I love that you put some things to say instead though, I think those are things people often forget to say, but can be super helpful when in recovery! It's always great to offer support and check in with a loved one more!
"How can you have an Eating Disorder if you're fat?"
"Maybe you SHOULDN'T eat since you're so fat, maybe you'll actually lose weight!"
"I guess you didn't have enough willpower to be Anorexic." - Someone said this to me as I have OSFED.
@EmsIsFab For sure, these are super invalidating phrases and it makes me sick to think that people think its okay to say these things! Thank you for sharing them, hopefully it will help spread awareness of how triggering some of these phrases can be! It's also great to see you around here!
@EmsIsFab Wow. The last one makes me sick to my stomach :S
@EmsIsFab My best friend is anorexic but is not underweight and she gets comments like the one you stated all the time, and even though it's not directly toward me, I always feel secondhand pain whenever I hear someone make comments like that. I totally relate to the last one, though-- I"m currently trying to figure out what exactly I have in regards to ED but I'm just under OSFED right now and don't fit the criteria for anorexia or bulimia and it's so invalidating feeling like I'm in the junk drawer of eating disorders and that I'm not bad enough to be anorexic, and like OSFED isn't even acknowledged as an eating disorder or like people who have it don't suffer, too. It's so frustrating hahaha
I hate "there are children starving in Africa" and "why don't you just eat?"
If you know someone with an eating disorder, try to be understanding. Sometimes they don't need advice, they just need someone to love and support them.
@EmmaListens16 I love that advice, thank you so much Emma! (also lovely name) It totally is about loving and supporting your loved ones, when they are going through a difficult time rather than trying to force anything upon them or making them feel guilty! It is great to see you around here, I hope you are doing well!
A big one I got was " there are people starving in the world that have no choice and you sit there and not eat by choice" it's extremely triggering and invalidating
For me, a big one was: "Wow, you look good!" which is sometimes accompanied by "Have you lost weight?" It was hard for a lot of reasons but one for me is that it feels like the person is implying that I did not look good before (which only reinforces what ED tells me). That is probably near the exact opposite of what my friend or family or stranger on street meant for me to think in response, but ?? I guess that's the ED voice for ya 
Can we all get really angry with EDs in general and the ED voice in our heads? I'd like to kick the ED completely out of my head! But the ED is like "I'll be good." or "I'll pay more rent?" plus excuse and excuse. I am so sick of ED stuff and ALL the lies ED tells me. ~ Platy
@emsworld
@cyanPlatypus6370
very relatable
When I was recovering from anorexia, people would tell me things like:
"You're looking so much better!"
"You look healthy again."
People think that's a supportive thing to say, but you it actually doesn't help. I automatically turned that into "you look fat again," which eventually sent me into relapse.
I would say to just avoid commenting on looks altogether, because it can be really triggering.
Oh yes! I can completely relate!!! My brother said, why cant you just eat a fat steak once a week. That was 6 months ago. But last week I saw my sister, and she said, you look so happy & healthier. I know she meant well, but all I kept thinking was Ive gotten fatter. Which I have gained 5 pounds since she saw me last.
The same thing happened to me last week😕.. it sucks.
My mom:
@Cranberrry - That is awfully hurtful to hear, especially after talking to her about it, and I'm sorry that she said it. *hugs* if you are open to them.
But I do want to say, that I am proud of you for opening up and telling her that you're struggling, even if she didn't respond as well as she could have. That took guts and is a victory in itself!
@Anomalia
thank you, this actually means a lot to me💗
The worst one for me is this one:
"Why don't you just choose to eat?"
And then there is:
"You can't live under my roof, if you keep not eating."
I hate when someone
Great analysis!!@Anonymous543
@Anonymous543
Im recovering from anorexia, and I dont like it when I hear any food comments. Im getting a lot better at just brushing it off and providing truth to those.
