Is this an eating disorder???
Sometimes I think I want to have an eating disorder but I know that it is not something I should want. I know people with it say that it's awful. I know how awful it is yet I don't because how could I ever truly know if I don't have one? Right?
Because I look at food and think that I'm not good enough. That I don't deserve it. And then something in me snaps and yforce myself to eat because I say I don't deserve to mess with something like this. And I have thoughts of skipping lunch everyday But I eat because if I don't my friends will think that something's up. And I don't want anyone to know of this thinking because I don't want people to see me differently. But I think like this, like I'm on the verge of something but maybe it is only nothing because I refuse to do pills or throw up because I know the moment I do I might not be able to stop.
I eat normally but I often think that I eat to much especially when I'm around other people who eat less and I get a little self conscious because I begin to think that I'm fat and eating to much. I don't use a scale but I often wished I had a flat stomach (I a bit of extra weight though it's "healthy")
And I wonder if this is a different type of an eating disorder if I'm just crazy because you never hear of borderline eating disorders. If you don't have it all the way than may you font have anything at all. Right? Hah
Maybe I want an eating disorder because I want an excuse for someone to love me or show that they care.
What even is this??
I'm not an expert, but it doesn't seem to me that having thoughts about something makes the thing happen. I might have thoughts about being an astronaut, but that doesn't make me an astronaut...or even a borderline astronaut. So having thoughts related to an eating disorder doesn't seem to me anything remotely like an eating disorder.
I hope you have found listeners here at 7 Cups who treat you with love and show that they care without needing you to have any excuse. If you'd ever like to chat with me about any of these things, feel free to send me a message.
@mysticbeauty
@mysticbeauty - Hi lovely, whether or not you have an eating disorder right now, it definitely sounds like you're having some problematic thoughts about food and that's worth addressing now before it gets more out of hand. As someone who struggled for about a decade with my eating disorder and started with some thoughts like yours, I can promise you that it's not a path you want to go down. But starting to get support now can help address those thoughts and those other feelings that are leading you there.
You're always welcome to message me if you need some extra support. *hugs*
Not being able to talk about how I feel without being made to feel worse by some mods. Being invited to write on here. Admitting how you feel. Then being told you're triggering everyone. Everything is a trigger on an ED site. Just reading. First time im saying it in here and being made to feel much worse instead o supported. By a mod who actually blocked me for having 1-1 about ED's😢
You're right—triggering other people can be a problem. I hope you've found listeners you can share your feelings with, though. Nothing triggers me and I've never blocked anyone, so you're very welcome to message me about how you feel, and we can chat if you like.
@warmheartedTurtle6662
@warmheartedTurtle6662
thankyou. Id like that please
@warmheartedTurtle6662 - Hi there, I'm sorry that you've felt like you can't talk about things here - that's absolutely the last thing I want. My goal is just to keep this space safe for everyone. And part of that means editing out numbers that I know are likely to be triggering - not that you are triggering everyone, just that weight and calorie specifics are known to be very triggering and the same message can be gotten across without them, so I removed them from your post as I have done with all other posts in the Eating Disorders section that I see them in. I left the rest of the post in tact until you asked me to remove it which I did at your request.
And I'm not sure why you haven't been able to connect to me because I've never blocked anyone - is it possible you blocked me and have forgotten? Or there could be something else going on causing problems - might be worth submitting a support ticket. Regardless, I apologize if I have made you feel unwelcome talking about how you feel because I think it's important to be able to express everything you're feeling and I hope that you are able to find a place you are comfortable doing that.
Take care
@Anomalia
@Anomalia
you did make me feel bad and uncomfortable and unwelcome. I don't think you even remember me. This is the first time Ive come on here. I didn't know it existed. The ED feed. Ive read some other posts. About someone who took so many laxatives they couldn't walk. You didn't delete that. It is extremely triggering. Ive just had some. And others saying they haven't eaten because they ate the night before? I could go on and on. Everything written is triggering.
This is a difficult time. The anniversary of my baby's stillbirth. I am upset and was just saying how I felt. Im sorry. I had a listener tell me they eat less than me. A counsellor apparently. Another one called me a murderer and a sinner for my baby. A Christian.
You listened to me. You've obviously forgotten. I'm glad you have. I don't like thinking that you know what happened to me when i was little. You didn't reply when I said hi and messaged you so i gave up. Maybe I did block. Just saying i cant listen or I'm too busy would have been better.