Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
I don't feel good today..I actually haven't in months. This week I was suppose to eat as little as possible. I did the exact opposite. I ate until I couldn't eat anymore. I want to stop eating. But I can't.
Me too, I've binges so hard the last 3 weeks I gained 10 pounds. I have a outing with my friends tmrand I'm resisting so hard not to pull out. I need helpoo
@coffeepleas3 and @burgertomato - It can be so hard to stop binging, especially without support around you. Do you feel like you have people you can reach out to for help? One thing that always helped me was to distract myself when I had the urge to binge or to remove myself from situations where I could, to make it easier to resist. If you ever need a distraction in the moment, you can always request a listener here and talk to them until things feel a little better. Take care
Have you ever tried that seven things in seven minutes? For each minute do something new. It can be a minute of music, a minute of singing, smelling lotion, jumping up and down, putting your hands in ice, anything! Or when you need to binge then paint your finger nails (if you do that). Binge urges are known to last only minutes it's just when they keep reoccurring it can feel like eternity. Don't get me wrong, doing the seven minute activity still doesn't clear all binge urges, but it helps you fight against it enough to feel a little more in control.
Thank you
I'm relapsing hard, I can feel myself sinking as if I'm standing in a deep mud puddle that's swallowing me too quickly for me to escape.
@WhisperingFae - that's such a scary feeling to have, but you can get out of it. You've done it before, and you can use that same strength, determination, and strategy to get out this time. And if you're sinking too fast, it's okay to grab someone's hand and have them help pull you back out. You can reach out to your support network, whether that's friends, family, therapists, listeners on 7 cups, whoever it is that can help be there for you and support you through this. You deserve their help and they can make this path back to recovery so much easier for you. Take care and stay strong - I know you can do it.
Thank you but I don't actually have a support network...My mother gets too worked up about my issues and jumps to conclusions all the time, my friends have new lives and live far away, I haven't been in therapy for years because I've never found a therapist I feel comfortable with and I'm just not sure how much this website can help me at this point. Last time, I decided to recover on my own because I realized how far gone I was. But I was in such a state that it was recover or die. Now I'm "healthy" and my mind keeps thinking that I don't actually need help until my weight drops again.
@WhisperingFae - I can relate. I tried recovery several times before it actually started to work and I actually committed to it only after I had a real scare about my life. And I've certainly been tempted to go back several times. The two things I do that sometimes help are
1. Go to a support group - I find it really helpful to be surrounded by other people who have been where I am and who are in different stages of their recovery. It helps remotivate me and remind me of how far I've come and why I don't want to lose that. Also, hearing other people talk about their stories helps me to better articulate how I'm feeling.
2. As cheesy as it sounds, make a list of all the things I can do in recovery that I can't in relapse and then read it every single day.
No idea if either will work for you, but I thought it was worth putting them out there. And if you ever want to talk, feel free to reach out. Take care
I made myself purge until there was nothing left Monday. just to feel a little bit of control. for what??
@determinedLake4187 - I can relate too well. That search for control can be so enticing, but too quickly you realize that you've lost control and now the eating disorder is consuming you. I've found it takes more control to pull yourself out of the disorder and to let yourself be free from it. And I know that you can do that. It takes more bravery to find out who you are beyond your pain than to merely survive it, and I know that you have that courage and can do it. Take care
I hate food. I dont appreciate it, or savor it. I'm Superman and its Lex Luthor. I have been doing really well with my food this week. Eating 90+% unprocessed, whole foods and yet, my legs are so painfully swollen because of fluid that it feels like they will split open and bleed. I'm done, and I think my mind has caught up to that feeling. Yesterday at work we had a potluck. I took fruits and veggies over sweets, the whe grain rice salad I made and some others, I was so proud... And then so discouraged, because my legs got so much worse. This morning I was thinking, screw it, I'll go to a local breakfast place and get breakfast, but I couldn't. I thought back to the 'before photos I took for the program I started on Tuesday, and couldn't do it. The thought of any food, made me nauseous. It's almost lunch and I still feel sick, and haven't eaten or had anything to drink and don't have the desire to. I happily want to live the rest of my life without food, I'm done with it.
@Boopei - it sounds like you're a bit overwhelmed with the situation, and frustrated that even when making the choices that you feel should make things better, they aren't. It sounds like there might be something else going on that could use some attention from a doctor, or even talking to a nutritionist. Most people (myself very much included!) don't know what type of a diet it actually takes to get what we're looking for, but a nutritionist might be able to help you set a strategy for yourself that will be healthy and move you towards your goals. Good luck, you can survive this and come out stronger and healthier for it.
I am so upset with myself. I made it through Friday night the entire saturday until 11pm saturday night where I ate and then purged. The entire weekend I wanted to do that but i managed to push it off surround myself with people - i was annoyed and relieved at the same time that people were there.. And then I screwed everything up- and gave in- I think it also had to do with the fact that in the back of my mind the whole week I kind of gave myself permission to do that- and saturdays are wierdeating days for me it completely breaks my normal eating schedule that I set up for myself - saturdays are family time- we eat together ALL the meals- for me that was just to much- I made up eith myself how much i was going to eat and this wrecked it- I was panicking the entire day, and couldnt really act my true self...... Anyways I am so upset I screwed this up- i hope this week will be good but whatsthe point if i screw up every weekend
@Sarzgb - it's OK. Recovery isn't a straight path, it's long and winding and a lot of two steps forward, one step back. Purging yesterday doesn't take away from all the days earlier in the week that you didn't, and it doesn't take away from all the days this week that you won't. At the end of the day, every day that you avoid it is good for your health and that hasn't changed. And getting through the rest of the week built strong recovery skills that will help in other weeks. You'll get another shot at a Saturday, and maybe it will be just a little bit easier next time.
It sounds like you've already figured out some of the reasons why you purged, so now it's time to forgive yourself for it and move on and forward. It's a new week and a new opportunity. You can do this.
Today I honestly feel like cutting off all my fat. I hate myself for doing this..I want to be comfortable in my own skin..
@CoffeePleas3 - I know that feeling all too well, and I'm so sorry you're feeling that now. The only words I can offer are that it really does get better. Today's a day to lean on your support system extra hard and feel the love from them that you're not able to show yourself right now.
You are beautiful, and no one, including yourself, has a right to make you feel that you aren't. Take care, sweetie.
My mom has been urging me to lose weight and telling me that I'll look better in clothes if I was skinnier and that really bothers me.
@ivaanabel - I am so sorry your mother is saying those things to you - no one has a right to tell you what your body should look like, but in particular you should be able to expect support from your parents. Can you tell her how hard it is for you to hear those things from her, or will it not make a difference? You can always get some extra support here, if you're not getting it at home. Take care
Okay! Back to no purging!! Day one down!! I have to say I came really close to it- I ate some food I should not have and was actually about to go purge- anyway I told myself no that it is just one day off my "plan" even dieters sometimes have cheat days- I wont ruin everything Ill probabalyfeel like crap blah blah- then I went to take a shower and I actually made it through the entire time keeping everything down- right now I am really proud of myself- I know tommorrowI will probably feel gross fat and bloated but I guess ill have to figure that out then!
@Sarzgb - WOOHOO!!! That's awesome that even when you had that urge, you were able to do something else to distract yourself until it subsides. You've got this!
Dont know how I did it but ive gone two weeks without binging or purging. Yesterday was a bit rough i was babysitting for some friends and i had to stay over so i almost purged even though i didnt eat anything all day it was just an instinct so i had to go sit on there stairs and try to collect myself from breaking down. I made it and i hope i can keep going i like this feeling of not giving up yes im still insecure thats always going to be there but im healthy and not damaging my body.
I wish I could like this post more than once! I am so incredibly impressed with you, not only to have gone this far, but to be developing tools and strategies to help you keep going. You are amazing!
I thought I could keep from relapsing but my mother triggered me so badly tonight that I cannot see myself being "healthy". I don't want this weight anymore, even if I hurt myself in the process.
@WhisperingFae - is sounds like you could really use some extra support right now, and a kind ear to listen. Have you reached out to any listeners here? Talking about how you're feeling and what's triggering you might help lift the burden off of your chest, at least a little. Take care