Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
Feeling anxious and somewhat to the point where I just want to go back in time when I had more control over my body.
@Runner587 - Anxiety can definitely be a huge trigger to want the control that you felt with your eating disorder, but that control can really quickly fall away to the disorder controlling you. Are there other coping mechanisms that help you decrease your anxiety or help you feel in control that are less harmful to your body?
I run, I exercise. In the past it has been more of an issue than a help. But in recent years I have pared down to reasonable levels approved by my doctor. I have recently taken up knitting and then of course I have school that keeps me pretty busy when I'm not working. Ultimately work and school tend to stress me out more which just compounds issues.
Can I just say.. I have no personal experience with any ED, and have never really understood it. But I thought I'd check out this forum anyway, see some firsthand stories. And your post just explained perfectly how I feel about self-injury. I guess maybe they're all the same problem in a way, just manifesting differently?
uggghhh I feel gross, I cant figure out if I want to eat or not - I do not feel that I have enough control to just eat what I am supposed to, and in a way its easier not to eat at all. I feel so guilty eating.
@Sarzgb - it can definitely feel easier to not eat at all, but overcorrecting in that direction just sets you up for more issues down the line. Are there things you can try that will help you eat the amount you are planning on without binging? Maybe preparing the food and then going somewhere else to eat it so there aren't other temptations around? Or eating with a friend so that you are less able to binge? Or even setting a timer after you finish your food and saying you can eat again when it goes off, but not before and seeing if that + a distraction can get you through the urges?
I am bothered i suddenly feel that i dont like to eat meats. All i wamt is fish.And my appetite for sweets increased. Also my sense of taste decreasing.
@activear - it's natural for your tastes and preferences to change somewhat over time, but if you feel that this is a pretty drastic change for you, are there any events that could have impacted this for you? Is something else going on in your life or healthwise that might change your cravings?
I have a perfect and legitimate reason to not eat and it's making me both giddy and desperate.It's easier to manage when it's all in my head because I have control and now I don't.
@WhisperingFae - it can be so confusing to be where you are and to not have the control that you fought for. If you're not allowed to eat for a medical reason, then you need to follow that, but once you can again, it's important to nourish your body, no matter how much your ED screams at you not to. You can do it. Take care of yourself.
I have an infected area in my gums and every time I put the cream on, I can't eat anything until the numbness goes away (because of the risk of chewing myself without feeling it). I'm not very hungry in general but when I suddenly can't eat because of a medical reason, all I want to do is eat. Just because I want to do what I want and not be bound by others' rules - i.e. eating regularly because it's what people do/not eating because it's against the medication thing. I know that once I'm done with the treatment, I won't even be hungry anymore, just because that's when I'll be expected to eat...
@WhisperingFae - I can understand that. During the times where you aren't allowed to eat, are you able to drink a smoothie or something? And once you can again and don't want to anymore because of expectations, what would you think of reframing it? Right now, you have that eating disorder voice in your head setting all kinds of rules and expectations of you. Fight against that voice, and defy its rules. Fight like hell, but against the actually bad guy, not the people who love you.
My mouth hurts even when I'm not eating/drinking anything and the numbness makes me unable to properly swallow even my saliva so I just avoid putting anything in my mouth. But I'm not ready to abandon my rules and restrictions. I want to lose weight, not gain more and if a genie gave me three wishes the first would be to be at my perfect weight.
I'm currently trying to go to sleep but I'm just really on edge. I babysit gor mu friend/crush I know a whole complicated story. Well everytime I come over I never eat I'm never hungry or the fact the my stomach is always in knots. Well he said that I provably just pick and sample all the food in there house while they're away at work. I was trying so hard not to cry now all i can think about is the next time i eat that will be in my head. That hurt so bad I'm still 16 days strong i just don't know.
17 days down the drain i feel so helpless and so emotional all i wanna do is cry and find ways to just forget my memories.
@decembernight0608 - those 17 days aren't down the drain at all. I know it feels like you've lost them, but every day that you ate enough, didn't purge, practiced good recovery, those all still count. Those are 17 days that your body didn't get damaged further. 17 days where you built up strength and learned how to get through tough moments. 17 days where you were honest and authentic and real with yourself. And none of that is gone. All of that will help you as you move towards recovery again, and it will be just a little bit easier this time around and even a little easier the next.
Recovery isn't about perfection, it isn't about moving in a straight line of progress, it's about day by day fighting to reclaim your life. It's a bumpy, curving road that slips back at times, but that you keep just moving forward. You made it 17 steps forward and one back, but that's still huge progress.
So acknowledge what happened. Understand what triggered it and how to hopefully avoid it in the future. And then forgive yourself and move forward from it. Today isn't day 1, it's day 18. And you've got this.
The last 3 days I binged like hell. It was so horrible I ate so much I couldn't even breathe well.. I hate myself I've also gained weight!!😞 I hate myself so fucking much I'm just gross and fat! I've prom tmr and I hope I won't look to fat in my dress..
@sammycreativ1 - there's nothing you can do about the past three days except learn from them and forgive yourself. It's ok, and you will still be beautiful tonight. Have fun at prom!
I was sad .. Almost all the time. I cried and i thought about bad things, i felt like hell and i kept reminding me that i am not good enough and i will never be .I don't know how to control myslef. I am anxious, depressed and tired . I still am . But today i found this lovely network and i recieved some great advices and i am very thankful.
@venus743 - I'm so glad that you found 7 cups and that it has been helping! Always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
Today is 7 days for me. I don't feel strong at all. If I had it my way I wouldn't leave my room at all today.
@HethyrFethyr - It can be hard to feel happy or strong when you're in early recovery, but if you're not able to celebrate the 7 days for yourself, I'm going to celebrate it for you, because it is a huge accomplishment. If you're feeling like you don't want to even leave your room, I'm glad you're at least reaching out here, and I hope that you're getting the support you need. Take care, and stay strong!
I feel terrible, I am on a family trip and see everyone enjoying their food while I am terrified of mine,
I have to wear a swimsuit tomorrow and I don't know if I can take it, all my constant exercise and calorie counting has made me tired of life in general
@meltingfall21 - I'm so sorry that you're struggling so much and unable to enjoy the vacation with your family. I don't have a lot to offer in terms of ways to feel better, but you can get through tomorrow. Just take it one step at a time and remember that as uncomfortable as you are in your swimsuit, no one else is even paying attention to how you look, because they are all concerned with themselves, too. Take care, and reach out for any support you need.
I just had ice cream and I don't feel guilty!!!!
Love it! :D
that's amazing, you're turning down a good road (: