Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
I work out 2-3 time a week for about an hour at the gym doing both weighs and running. I feel like I'm not getting any results, and if anything I've gained weight. I feel like a failure, but when I calorie count I become obsessive and then I starve.
@cal8075 - I can understand your frustration, but I also know that muscle weighs more than fat and that gaining might not be bad. Try to think about what you want to accomplish from a different point of view - focus on being able to run a little faster or lift a little more weight, rather than on getting thin. Fitness is much more rewarding! Take care
I'm trying to look at it from that point of view, I'm just really bothered from the weight gain. I lost 70lbs from an eating disorder a few years ago. I can't stand the idea of gaining any back, and I've a gained about 10-15 lbs from this last spring semester at uni. :(
@Cal8075 - I know it can be super overwhelming to think about gaining the weight back and is in no way easy to manage just by changing your perspective, but I think that you can get there. Have you tried making a list of all of the things that you can have with recovery that you cannot without it? This can include relationships with people, ability to do activities like eating a meal with friends, physical abilities and accomplishments, and even things like shiny, full hair or clear skin. Continuing to look at that list can sometimes help to remember why, even as the weight gain is hard to handle, there's value in it. Take care
Hey there! Now i couldn't get to go to college and i disappointed everyone and now i fel like i don't deserve to eat or something , haven't eaten for two days 😩
@quietoak351 - It can be really hard when you aren't able to do the things you planned or feel like you've disappointed people, but that doesn't mean you dont deserve to eat. You deserve to be nourished, to be healthy, to be happy, and to keep working towards your goals. Sounds like it might help to talk through how you're feeling with someone. Have you tried reaching out to one of the listeners here? Take care
I tried , they made me feel better but i start thinking again and again and i end up being sad.
@QuietOak351 - I'm glad to hear that it helped for a while. It doesn't have to be a one time thing - you can always reach out when you feel like you need a little extra support. Take care
i ate.. after 28 of fasting. i feel worthless at hell and nothing changed..i only bother people with this. it's either my body or my mind. i only can loose .that's the problem . i'm so done and no one understands..i hate myself so much .this will never stop
@Shallan - I hear so much pain in your posts lately, both about trying to find a way to feel better with yourself and a sense of guilt in what you're doing to others. I know it can feel like you're just bothering people, but I assure you that the people who care about you are grateful when you reach out, not bothered, and they want to help. And so do I. Please let me know if there's a way that I can. Take care
I'm so scared. I jogged for two hours today and tired to eat less..I'm so hungry.. I should sleep now . But I'm too scared to cause of the anxiety coming out at night. Making me wake up feeling wrong and hungry and really really anxious. I'm never enough. I'll nerver will be
@Shallan - I know it feels like you're not enough and never will be, but I truly believe that you are. And if you're waking up feeling anxious, do you have coping mechanisms to help calm down? This could include talking to someone (in person or on this site), listening to music, reading a book, hugging a stuffed animal, meditation, or anything else that helps you re-center and set some of the anxiety aside. Take care and sleep well.
thank you for these tips..but that late at night there is no
one awake to talk to..and gosh...i'm even scared to go to bed in the evening...
I feel so disgusting and heavy and grossed out with myself for the amount of food I have been consuming and the weight I have put on in my attempt at recovery. The past week I have found myself stepping back into those restrictive, obsessive habits and to be perfectly honest it's been nice. Even though I know it is completely wrong, I have missed this feeling. Today has been the first time I purged. It was not much at all but...it felt good. My stomach felt better..The scratchiness in my throat and slight burn even felt good. I don't know, maybe I'm farther into this disorder than I thought...If I ever even recovered from it. I'm really really struggling NOT to give in right now...I just need someone to understand right now...
@IsabellaMor - I understand so much better than you can imagine. I struggled with my eating disorder for about 10 years and at various points started and got quite far in recovery before relapsing. Often, I found myself doing so well for so long and then having this nagging need to purge, in large part just to know that I still could go back if I decided to. And it did feel good. Comforting and like I had the control I craved. But it also led me pretty quickly out of control and back into my ED faster than I expected.
Have you talked to anyone about how you're feeling and why you feel the need to purge / why it feels so good? It might help you to understand it better if you talk through it. Take care, and try to stay away from falling back down the rabbit hole.
Helpless and out of control. Brand new to 7cups but, feeling hopeful. I binge/purge, starve, repeat but, I'm not very good at it. I try desparatley to keep in control, to try to maintain discipline to only fail and loose control. I feel as though there are two sides to me-like a dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde I try desparatley to be vegan and healthful and clean/ then I find myself in the nearest drive thru followed by my head in a toilet. I am hopeful to get in site as to the whys and the how not toos and how to ask for help- which I stink at. I have no problem helping others, listening, reaching out.....but to ask for help myself....it's a learning process I suppose -thanks for listening
You're not alone! My boyfriend is super healthy so I find that when we eat together, it's like a sham. I'm already fantasizing about ordering a pizza and eating it all myself. Just keep trying, but I find that an overly restrictive or too healthy diet gets me binging even quicker
Ty....it's a daily battle
Today I gave in and basically ate junk from morning till night. Even when I felt so full I thought I would burst, I still stood in line for that Tim Hortons Oreo Ice Cap AND a vanilla donut. I have no desire or fulfillment from eating properly, and everyday is like I'm at war with myself
I so understand and am fighting the same war. Sending you strength and love
@ClandestineCatharsis and @FatVegan - It can definitely be hard when you're spending all day desperately trying to keep to a certain set of restrictions (health food, veganism, etc.) to avoid those intense urges to binge. I know one thing that helped me was to allow myself to have all things in moderation. If I'm craving something "unhealthy", and I let myself have a little bit of it, that can satisfy the craving without a binge so that I don't feel the need to binge later on. Sometimes a little self-forgiveness and a little permission to indulge can make a big difference. Take care, both!
I eat to feel better....but then I eat so much, I feel sick and just feel worse. Comfort food....I feel like that's an oxymoron. But I don't know how to stop eating. Or how to controle my eating.
@Nova535 - You are not alone in that. There are definitely others who struggle with that same thing, but I do know you can overcome it. Sometimes to stop a binge I find it helpful to put what I'm going to eat on a plate and then leave and eat it somewhere else, away from the fridge, so that it's portioned out and not easy to keep going after a reasonable amount. I'll also tell myself that I can have a bit of whatever it is I want, to avoid denying myself, but then be careful to stick to an amount where I feel comfortable and won't over do it. Hope that helps. You can always reach out to a listener if you need some in the moment support!
Trying to tell myself I'll have setbacks that it'll get better. Just a lot of frustration is taking place and I want to be better. Too many thoughts running through my mind so I'm just trying to stay focus and keep starting over whenever I relapse. I'm trying not to beat myself up either even though it's hard but will see where this takes me.
@decembernight0608 - I think that's exactly the right attitude to have. It's not easy to remember sometimes, but the more you tell yourself, the more it will stick in your head. Just keep pushing, you'll get there. <3
I went a whole week without eating and people still call me fat...
@TafWrong - I'm so sorry that people are being cruel to you and I know it can be nearly impossible to shut those voices out, but please try to nourish your body as it needs and know that anyone who treats you (or anyone else) like that doesn't deserve to have their opinions heard or given power. Take care and please reach out to a listener if you think talking through how you're feeling with help.
