Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
I can't feel anything at all, except for the fact that I am hungry.... I've spent whole day in bed, because I don't have the strenght to get up. Today, my parents noticed my hair loss and I'm so scared... I won't be able to hide much longer...
@dreyy96 - being found out is terrifying, but it can also be the thing that finally means you get help. Lying in bed unable to get up because you have no energy is no way to live. You deserve so much better than that, and maybe when your parents know what's going on, they can help you to heal and to regain your energy and your joy. I know it's scary, but it just might be worth it, too.
I've been with my boyfriend all day, meaning three meals plus snacks, and constant watching over me to make sure I don't puke. My stomach hurts and I can't sleep. I feel so god damn heavy and I have no way to stop it
@PanicAtTheBlue - I know how uncomfortable that can feel and how hard it is to adjust to, but the really good thing here is that you have a boyfriend who cares deeply for you and wants to help you heal. Maybe it would help to have an open conversation with him about ways in which he can best help you. Part of that will still be helping make sure you eat when you need to, but there might be other things, like giving you a safe place to talk about your food anxiety or going with you to a support group.
I feel horrible because I can't even get myself to throw up nor stop eating... Even that I fail in...
@callmepien - feeling like you can't control it can be hard, but not purging is a good thing. It does your body so much good to be given a break from that. As for binging, if you're struggling to stop, would it help to do something to distract yourself? Maybe go for a walk, call a friend, read a book - anything that removes you from the current situation and makes you take some time before going back. Often, just a little time away can make you so much more able to breathe and move forward. Take care
I find it incredible how quickly I can jump from portion to portion. I can go from eating full meals and more, to 1 meal or less in a matter of a single day. I can easily change my eating sizes which prevents me from ever keeping a consistent diet - which means I can't be diagnosed with an eating disorder because I do not have consistently high symptoms - instead I'm just irregular. Isn't complexity just fun?
@MidniteAngel - Oh, so very fun. But I believe that type of change is part of what makes EDNOS a necessary potential diagnosis - it recognizes that symptoms are varied and might not perfectly fit another description. In the meantime, are there things that you think would help you to stay more consistent at a healthy meal plan? What do you think causes you to bounce around?
I think that's the problem - I don't have a plan. I think structure is what I need - thank you @Anomalia You've made a world of a difference - instead of eating more or eating less I need a consistent plan.
I completely understand the feeling of wanting to relapse. I too went though recovery over the spring and summer. I've done so well. But it's all in thinking about. Before it was all about being thin and whatever.... But this time. It makes me feel comfort, like its all I know..... So today.. I'm not sure how I feel
@SpookyTea - it's perfectly normal to feel that way, and in my opinion, the number one way to avoid a relapse is to be aware when you're starting to go there and to be open and honest with others. Reaching out here is a huge part of that.
What are the reasons you chose recovery before? What have you gained in recovery that you wouldn't want to see slip away?
I feel exceptionally fat today. I want to not give in and starve or throw up but it's kind of become a ritual and throwing it away isn't really an option now.
@SinisterRaven - it's always an option to start recovery. It's not easy, but it is an option, and you will have so much support here if you are ready to try. As a starting place, it might help to think about what your disorder is currently giving you. Has it made you happier? Has it made you healthier? Has it helped your relationships with people? Or has it hurt all of those things? What would recovery mean instead? Take care and reach out if you ever need more support.
I'm feeling sick and fat and huge. I have no self-control. And I've been relapsing lately.
@UniqueLife - I'm sorry it's been so tough lately. What do you think has been making the difference and triggering your relapse? What has helped in the past with recovering? How can we help you here?
all the comments triggered me. and I actually need to lose weight since I'm in an activity that requires me to do so.
A certain someone helped me during my recovery, but that person no longer wants to help. Some things happened between me and that person
@UniqueLife - Are the comments coming from someone that you can avoid so that you're not so triggered? If not, is there a way to combat them with more positive voices in your life?
I'm sorry that you've lost your previous supporter - that's really hard when what previously helped so much isn't an option anymore. Do you think there are other people in your support network who could help you more? Take care
I know what you mean @UniqueLife. I'll do fine for a while, and then the smallest stress will trigger me into binge eating and I won't stop...
@UniqueLife I relate so much to this. I feel like I'm holding on by a thread most days.
No matter what happens, I am not eating today. I just can't do it. I am not gaining anymore weight. I am going to lose any access weight no matter what.
@Beoriginallybeautiful - I know it can be hard when you're feeling so insecure about your body, but it's important to think about whether or not losing weight has ever actually made you happier. I know when I was caught up in my eating disorder I lost a lot of weight, but with it, I lost even more self-esteem, I lost my relationships with others, and I lost all enjoyment and myself. What is really important in your life, and is your disorder serving that purpose?
I'm feeling really stressed out from school and my personal life. I've been eating really unhealthy foods lately and it's making me feel bad physically and emotionally. Having to pick out meals and foods is causing me a lot of anxiety. It's a vicious cycle.
@BraveMelon7408 - It can be hard to have to make all of the stressful food decisions when you're already feeling anxious and stressed about other things. Would it help to make the decisions all together when you're feeling more on top about things (i.e., make a meal plan) and then when you're feeling anxious, just have to follow a plan that you've already set for yourself? I know I often found that it was hardest for me to know what a healthy meal was when I was preparing it, but if I already had a plan for the day, it was much easier to stick to. Take care!
