Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
I feel so tired, but I think it's more a psychological fatigue than a physical one, I'm quite hyperactive and I have a craving for exercising. Otherwise, well it could be worse...
Also, it's tough because I'm acting in a school play which is Oedipus and i'm supposed to be Ismen, Antigone's sister, who actually loves life but that's the complete opposite of myself so it's hard to play well
@NightOwlNightmare - I wanted to reach out with a big *hug* and a hope that you're doing well. I get that it can all get so exhausting sometimes, and I hope you're finding time to really take care of yourself and give yourself the rest and care you need and deserve.
I do not want to eat. I am so stressed it is very not cool. And last night, instead of encouragement and hope, here at 7cups I found what felt like condemnation and 'well you should have known... " Needless to say that was (and is) very hard. A few more bricks in my backpack of weight (figuratively speaking) that has been getting heavier all week. I am very discouraged and I really don't care about food - this is not good.
Signed, Platy ... hurt, frustrated, sad Platy
I really don't know who to tag, so @Laura @Korsbarella @Anomalia ... ?
@cyanPlatypus6370 - I'm so sorry you were met with that condemnation instead of support when you came here. *huge hugs* I know it makes eating even harder, but I hope that you're able to eat something tonight - even when it's hard to do, I think it also helps you stay healthy and emotionally able to keep moving forward.
@cyanPlatypus6370
Platy, please PLEASE take care of yourself (I know that you do) take it one small step at a time.. I know it is difficult at times and it's easier said than done..
An apple a day keeps the doctor away! Plus oatmeal, it's also healthy and delish, don't you think?
HUGS
I feel terrible but it doesn't matter anymore
@IamOHhh - Why doesn't it matter? You matter, and feeling terrible matters.
I'm worried about the side effects of the antibiotics i've been taking. I'm starting to lose weight while on them and I don't want the weight loss to spark unhealthy habits.
@StarsAlign612 - I think being aware of that risk is a really important first step because you can keep track of how you're reacting. Could you also talk to your doctor about your concern and see if there are any options to help? Good luck and stay strong, warrior!
@StarsAlign612 I can understand your worries, they are valid!
Since being taken off [edited by Anomalia to remove medication specifics], which is a medication I took to help with sleep, I realized I went from [edited to remove weight specifics] XXX lb to XXX lb. Even before the medication did I want to not eat. I got off the meds early last year and struggled to lose weight until near the end of the year cos of my mother forcing me to eat three course meals everyday (snacks did not count). Wasn't til September, a month before I left her home due to her emotional abuse/overprotectiveness going too far.
From September to now, I was allowed to eat whenever I wanted, but I only wanted to either drink liquids, eat small foods, or not eat at all. Once in a blue moon, I'll take a big meal. I'm currently XXX lbs. and making my way into turning XXX again or lower. For some reason, exercise has/had little to no effect on my weight, no matter how much I do it. It's mostly my lack of eating anything that does the job to return to my normal body shape (which was my good old XXX lbs.).
@Pikashuppet - It's definitely frustrating when medication impacts weight and it starts to feel out of your control, but I am definitely worried hearing you talk about wanting to not eat and to lose drastic amounts of weight. Have you talked to a doctor to understand what a healthy weight for your body would be and how to get there in a safe manner?
@Anomalia A few times yes, but I kept getting the same exact advice that doesn't work. All it does is it gets shoved down my throat. For my height, being 5'6, I was said [edited by Anomalia to remove weight specifics] was the perfect weight, but I felt otherwise. At XXX lbs I wasn't suffering major weight consequences as it was, but I felt getting to XXX lbs from the medication were impacting my choice of clothing and everything else I once had. XXX lbs is at least XX lbs ahead back to what I used to be after almost 18 months.
I got no safe options from my pediatrician regarding my weight issue aside from exercise, but like I said, exercise does almost nothing. I tried riding my bike last year, very little change in weight back when I was XXX lb. or so. Lack of eating much was my only choice and it works. Couldn't do that under mom's roof as I mentioned, which ALSO caused the weight problem cos it felt like forced feeding. ;w;
I feel like I am losing control. I'm gaining weight and the disgusted feeling I have for myself. I keep trying to not eat but I fail and I then I binge eat and I end up feeling worse. I make up for it by taking diet pills. I just want to not eat. I need to get rid of the weight, the fat, the everything.
@IamOHhh - I know after a binge all you want to do is restrict to 'make up for it', but restricting actually makes you more likely to binge again. By allowing yourself to eat a healthy amount, you better set your body up to find equilibrium or even lose weight because it's not going into starvation mode and triggering binges or hoarding calories. I get that it;'s not easy to forgive yourself when you eat something you feel guilty about, but that self forgiveness and self kindness is the fastest path to healing.
I feel irrelevant. Listeners aren't getting back to me and a so-called friend is being cold to me. It's hard to find help for long-term weight loss support because i binge and dont starve myself or purge. It seems pointless anymore to be reaching out. But i keep typing, not giving up! I guess my stubborn side is good for something :)
@snappywordfiend
Have you thought about attending any of the eating disorder support discussions? We have 3 discussions a week about different eating disorder and recovery topics! Mondays at 6 pm ET, Wednesdays at 11 am ET, and Fridays at 2 pm ET!
The discussions are supportive and inclusive regardless of diagnoses or where you are in your journey!
I feel terrible because of the comments at school. I'm never good enough, and I'm just so exhausted.
I feel, well, not good. It is now midnight, but this afternoon when I learned what restaurant my family was going to - yeah. I had even told Mom before today I don't like that restaurant. Apparently I got outvoted. But I dislike it because the food isn't tasty to me and even more because we nearly always order the buffet. I greatly dislike buffets.
So this afternoon the ED voice in my head said, well better not eat lunch because the buffet could be a lot of food. And basically I was dumb and I listened to it. Gee, I get so angry at ED sometimes! Why can't it just go away!??
Yeah, so I feel disappointed in myself, full after supper but awful anyway, and ... who do I call? Who can I talk to? on a Sunday evening. Most of my IRL support people - their offices are closed. The only two hotlines regarding EDs are closed. (shakes head, sadly)
I'm upset with myself for listening to ED. ED is glad that I listened to him and that I'm upset with myself now - gives him more ammunition. Grrrr! I'm so angry at ED! Can't he just go away and let me be?
.................................................................................. (sigh) Sincerely, Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370
It is so hard when others want to go places that aren't tasty for us or helpful in our recovery! I know it's too late now, but I am sending you all my good thoughts. I hope to see you around this week, and do feel free to reach out in PM's.
(I know I haven't been great at PM's, but I'm trying to work on it!)
I am feeling a little overhelmed by recovery but I am looking forward to going to my support group tonight.
@serenitydaisy ... Yes! For me, my support group is SO important. Have a good meeting and night, Daisy :) ... ~ Platy