Abuse question?

Growing up my father was emotionally abusive to my mom and me. I would dream of us both getting away from him. When I was about 14, she cired telling me she was leaving him.

I wasn't even a little sad. I only cried because my mom was upset, but I was so glad to get away.

Unfortunately, we lived with his mom as well at the time. She was an amazing woman who got stuck with him, and over the years the emotional abuse lead to physical abuse. She now has a restraining order against her own son.

He told my grandma that my mom and I left because of her. He made her feel like we didn't love her. We still adore her to this day. She is even invited to my mom's upcoming wedding to an amazing guy.

Overall, I wanted desperately for my mom to leave, but I wanted her to take everyone she could put of the situation. If she had left on her own, my dad would have escalated to hitting me as well.

@yellowCamp7895

I grew up in an abusive and manipulative environment. Not physical, but mental and emotional. I had always wanted her to leave. I just couldn't watch, nor did I want to be a part of all the mistreatment that happened to the entire family.

But she never made the decision to leave. And I could never tell her what I wished to happen because I knew she already had a lot to deal with. So I just stayed and made sure she didn't have to go through it all alone.

I could never understand why she chose to stay after all she had to put through. All the disrespect, harsh, abusive, and manipulative behavior. I also couldn't understand how could she let it all happen and didn't try to do something about it. All the things that happened not only to her but also to her children.

She never wanted to end it. Even when the idea of ending it didn't come from her. One time things got really bad, and I thought divorce was really about to happen. I was ready to have her back and to stand up for her. And yet, it just didn't come to it.

I always wanted her to leave. But it's not my decision to make. All I could do was to make sure she didn't have to go through it all alone. Things are different now. But the cost to get here is just way too high. And I think had something been done earlier, maybe things would have been different.

I can't really say much without knowing more about your situation and the kind of person you and your mother are. But based on my experience, when you deal with someone who exhibits abusive and or manipulative behavior, the most important thing isn't just about staying or leaving. But to overpower them and level the position.

If they began to act out of line, put them back in their place. But of course, doing it will require a great amount of strength, patience, and wisdom. It may not be applicable as a quick solution. But it can work better in the long run, if done properly.

But apart from whatever decision your mother makes, no matter how much you care about her, don't overlook your own well-being. Being in that situation, seeing all the mistreatment that happened to someone you care about would affect you whether or not you realize it. Try to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your mother about how you feel about all the things you see at home. Hopefully, the conversation could give her the strength to do what needs to be done.

@yellowCamp7895

I think it's always better to be away from an abuser. Especially if there is a child involved.

My situation is a little muddled, since I was raised to believe my father was abusive only to find out that my mother was abusive (also? Instead? I have no way to tell what is true).

but any proximity to an abuser is damage to anyone involved. My advice would be to get out as soon as possible.