Abusive Household and a Hazard and cause to current mental conditions. In need of an intercountry adoption!

*Trigger Warning*

Hello everyone!

I'm a 14 year old girl from zimbawe, I'm new here on this community and would like to share my story with you all, i hope you try to understand my situation;

So i've grown up in a really abusive and lonely environment. My family, they never supported me, or showed me any kind of love and affection since my childhood. My dreams, hopes, they shattered everything just because they want me to behave the way they want. It really pains me everyday that i can't even choose the kind of life i want. I'm forced to act, live, and behave the way my parents wants. They emotionally abuse me everyday. I'm not even allowed to feel sad here. I have siblings too but they're just like my parents. So i can't expect any support or help from them.
I want to pursue my career as a alternative musician. I write songs, and i wish to sing them one day. And create music so that the world can hear my story too. It's my actual dream, and i'm really passionate about it. but my parents decided to throw it away in the dust like my dreams have no value for them. And guess what i'm not even allowed to be in fandoms

I am a hugee fan of BTS but my mom says it's all a waste of time. I love billie eillish too. It's just their songs give me hope, and a feeling like someone understands me. But who can make them understand.
The Amount of pressure and stress for study been put on me is extremely unbearable. I once got pressured for exams i was gonna write 2 years away from the fifth grade. It's not fair i was never allowed to live just like a normal child. I can't get what i want. It's been a living *** for me! My dad once gave me a death threat, saying if i don't pursue the career they want me to then they'll literally gonna beat me up or like kill me!?!
I was always in a need of emotional support, i still am, but nope i'm not a human for them just a puppet they can manipulate just the way they want and call that abuse LOVE. Once i was bullied in 6th grade, but guess what they didn't cared about it either. I still got verbally abused by them.
As years pass, it became that much unbearable, i started to have (edited). But it's a drama for my family, they think i do all this for attention. While i'm really in need of help, it's all so suffocating. At the age of 13 i got diagnosed with bipolar. It made this all more unbearable for me. I still can't believe it's all just a attention seeking behavior and drama for them.
And I'm bisexual too, and i can't tell this to anyone in my family because they don't understand the "concept" behind it. Everyone here think it's a sin to be a part of LGBTQ+ .
I once had this best friend, i had a fight with. It really upset me for months and months. After sometime i thought maybe it was my fault, so i decided to say sorry to her, but she just shouted at me. I got angry and cussed at her, used hurtful words for her. And to make things more difficult, my parents read that chat, and shouted at me saying, "I was abusing and Bullying her" it hurted me really badly, i felt guilty for months over it. And what scares me the most are my (edited). And all the reasons feeding on my depression. I try to stay strong all the time but it doesn't help at all. I can't wear the clothes i want. I can't listen the music i want. I can't have dreams!!
Last i was severely depressed and in need of help and support. My father instead of helping, once physically abused me! Somehow i decided to share everything to my mom, i told her everything, i thought she would help me. But nope, i again got emotionally abused. I once went to the school counselor. But she was just like them. I feel like EVERYONE here is just like them. All they do is feel sympathy for few days, but later, keep showing me their toxic behavior.
Last year i suffered from crippling depression. At past atleast i was able to work just fine, but last year i completely fell apart. I just couldn't take it anymore. It was like all my energy was drained out. I was tired. Just questioning my existence over and over again. "why am i alive" this question haunts me. I bunked and skipped alot of classes, it wasn't my intention it's just i didn't have the motivation at all. And guess what i flunked my exams. I was scared to death what will happen if my parents find this out. And to my horror they did find out about it. And you can already tell, how miserable they made my life after this. They snatched away my phone my only support. I was forced to delete all my social medias..it wouldn't have affected me this much, but i had some online friends there, and they were the only source of my happiness. And they snatched it away from me. I was told to just study and study all the time. Pressure and stress to complete the whole semester's syllabus was extremely high it still is.

My family is a Catholic, because of which cussing and being a part of LGBTQ+ is a sin for them (can you believe they are trump supporters?!) , day before yesterday my older sister decided to invade my privacy and logged into my account, and read all my chats with my friends. In which i have mentioned some things that were a sin for them. And she figured it out that i'm bisexual!! She might also thought i watch explicit contents which is not true at all. She promised me she won't tell my parents. But she told my mom, last night they took my computer away, and today i got shouted at. My mom told me, that i lie about everything to my friends. I'm a liar for them. She asked why i lied about being bisexual to my friends. And it's not a lie. But i can't tell the truth to her either. I felt extremely traumatized from all this, not only this incident, all the incidents since today played a role in this. She said this is her home and i'm suppose to behave according to their rules and regulations whether it hurts me or not and tbh i can't deny it either. She said "Even if we say negative things to you, move on its life!" I don't wanna live here. I want freedom from all this. All i want is a loving and caring family.

***currently i'm in search of a foster family or to get adopted in U.S. I really need someone's urgent help and support please message me if you can help me in any way, please***

(edited for content by peaceloveandpaws)