Being an adopted child, and knowing my mom values her biological child over me

For years my little sister has tormented me. She’s followed me when I tried to get away from her, forcefully outed me to my mom, and consistently berated me and the friends I make. My mom loves her more than me, and by association with my sister’s hatred towards me, also dislikes me. Too many times have I had arguments with my mom, and the reason has always been my sister. Too many times have I begged her to do something to stop her from tormenting me, and every single time the situation has been flipped on me. I have been gaslighted, physically and mentally abused, and treated horribly, all because my sister is the perfect child who can do no wrong.

it hurts, because I grew up trying so hard to make my mom happy. I still am to an extent. I am still so severely affected by her seemingly never ending disappointment in me. But it’s crazy, because I made it to college, I get straight A’s, and yet I am still berated for being stupid or unable to navigate or “weird”.

my sister on the other hand, is materialistic, has never given a damn about anyone but herself (including my mom), constantly makes a mess of the house, and constantly takes after everything she sees on social media. My mom has not made any attempt to instill any type of affective parenting in my sister, so now she goes to school and gets into fights and bullies other kids. Yet, it is still me that faces disdain. It is still me who gets shut down when I try to connect. It is still me who my mom has blatantly told over and over that she doesn’t care about my interest.

just recently, my mom officially kicked me out after removing all resemblance of me from the house after I left for college. It all started over something stupid, like usual having to do with my sister. The issue was over a shower, I simply told my sister that I was showering after my mom (we were about to go on a trip) and they both just looked at me like I cursed god. We ended up getting in an argument over how they constantly gang up on me and mock me and everything under the sun, until finally I did something as simple as shrugging my shoulders. My mom told me to call an Uber to my boyfriend’s place near our university and I just… left. Now I’m staying with him during June and being sent to Arizona for July. My mom has literally made it clear that I am not welcome, and it just hurts because she respects me less than a literal child.

anyway, that’s my rant. Sorry about all this, just having a rough day.