Divorce Imminent?
What I want to know is: Am I somehow being delusional in thinking that I could ever be content and settle and find any sort of happiness in this relationship? Maybe I just need someone else’s perspective in order to accept the reality of things.
I listed some bullet points as to what bothers me in the relationship
I’m terrified that he is all I will ever have and I shouldn’t let that go because I will never find another person.
I’ve been married since April 2016.
- Says he never loved me for the first 3 years of marriage
- Insists that he is in love with me at least for the past year
- Has left me 3 times and comes back saying the problem wasn’t actually me, but him
- Intimacy is a constant struggle as he has little to no sex drive and says he would be 100% okay with no intimacy ever again (we explored him being asexual, etc and he does not identify)
- He acts very clinical and non-chalant when talking about our marriage ending
- He continually blames me for things that frustrates him and takes those frustrations out on me
- He says he has no empathy towards anyone, but claims he cares for me
- It always feels like he has one foot out the door
- He is unable to communicate
- He is extremely avoidant and detaches from reality a lot
- He refuses to acknowledge my mental illnesses and offer support and understanding, but we love both of our lives oriented around his
- He continually says he isn’t a good partner and that I could do better
As for me, I’m a very loving and physical person. I love physical touch (not always sexual) and affection from my partner. Open communication is extremely important to me. Trust is also vital, and I feel like our relationship has none.
I feel so lost and crushed as I have to consider the possibility of leaving the only person I’ve ever wanted a future with. My only husband and the only one I’ve been sincerely in love with.
Can I please have thoughts and opinions?
@resourcefulWater0416
I can relate to your struggles as you weigh your options on your marriage. It sounds like you are flooded with emotions of all types and it's difficult to sort through them. Based on your list, it sounds like he's stuck in his own pattern of thinking. Would you think he'd be open to the idea of seeing a marriage counselor? Would you be open to the idea yourself? I know it can be scary to ponder what the world would be like if you choose to end your marriage and those feelings are valid. What you think and how you feel matters and being dismissed sounds like it hurts you a great deal. Are there people close to you that have or can offer you support in whatever decision you make?
If you have the means then I suggest taking a break to see how you get on without him. Sometimes a break can put things into perspective. You said he has left you before. How did you get by without him? Did it last at least 3 months so you had time to see what living without him is like? If you love him, then the worst that happens is losing someone you love. If you aren’t sure you love him, then the worst thing that happens is you live alone until you find someone new.
