Domestic violence

I feel worse and worse and there's nothing I can do, and when I say that, I really mean it. I have lost all hope. For as long as I can remember, my father has always been physically and psychologically violent with my mother, my brothers and me. I remember ever since I was just a child, I watched my mother cry over my father in the middle of the night, feeling helpless and feeling immense sadness, but also anger and disgust for what my father did, without any remorse. My family situation has greatly affected my life so far, my relationships and my self-esteem. When I was sixteen, I did what seemed right to me, albeit with fear: I reported my father to the authorities, hoping for a better future for me and my family. After several years away, I can say that it didn't help. The people who should have been by my side did nothing but try to make me feel guilty, even those I wanted to defend called me selfish. Years later, my father still lives in this house. He was briefly removed from home by social workers, then secretly returned early, obviously in agreement with my mother, so I had to lie to everyone, social workers inclused. Every day my mom vents to me about how much she can't stand him, and all I want to do is scream in her face that when she had a chance to get rid of him, she went against me along with everyone else. I am tired and angry. I no longer intervene in fights between my family, and this saddens me because I know I'm not a bad person. I just realized that you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved and I'm trying to think of me, but the fact that my mother still comes to me and talks to me about him, completely ignoring the way she treated me, makes me sick. There is no way this family can be saved and that's okay. Talking to her isn't an option - I've done it millions of times, to no avail. Everyone expects understanding and support from me, but when I need it, no one is there for me. I feel alone.