How do I deal with this?

@FunnyApricot1693

Hey Apricot,

I'm truly sorry that you had this happen to you. Hearing something like that from anyone, especially mum, can be shocking and hurtful. I have similar experiences.

Your question of "how do you deal?" is something I can share from my experiences. Perhaps this may inspire you in finding your own way of handling the situation.

First, when my mom would call and start a conversation, I was alerted that she was really upset about something. During her rant, I would try to let her say what she called to say, while trying not to let it make me become upset. (one of us needed a clear head). After the call, I would sort out what was valid in the conversation and what was not. I would give myself time to process everything that was said.

Second, always in time she would call back to 'apologize'. As you said, it was an apology for something minor that she said during the call but not address the worse parts. (I realized that she couldn't openly acknowledge what she had said to me and that if I waited for an apology for that, I wouldn't be getting one).

Lastly, I allowed for a bit more time before coming back to address 'the worse parts' and set boundaries. My side of that conversation was something like this: "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about when you called me not too long ago. I understand that you were upset but you said some things that really hurt me and haven't apologized for saying them. I need to set some boundaries so this doesn't happen."

In the long run, I can't change how she behaves, I can only change how I behave, how I will accept being treated, and the boundaries that I set in place for our relationship.

I hope my experiences give you some thoughts on how to handle yours.

Take care until we talk again,



~Sher