Hurtful words after creating boundaries, lost
My significant other and I came to the conclusion months ago that he, his daughter, and I moved in way too fast together. (It’s been 1.5 years) we have had ups and downs in every way possible, financially (me carrying a good bit for too long), expectations, boundaries, etc. I feel we are a great team but always whenever an argument has taken place it stems from a question or comment I ask him about his daughter. Her and I have a good relationship but due to several arguments in the past few months (turns into yelling, namecalling, out-downs, attack of character) all of which my significant other does. I have thrown up things in the past such as going into debt to provide for all of us when he couldn’t (not in those words). Our last blow up led me to calling my mother before work, crying off and on for the whole weekend, telling everyone my business (my parents are done w him bc he called me a f**** c*** something he said he wouldn’t call me again bc I set that boundary back in may when I stopped drinking for the second time -9months and counting) we both are finding that we have ptsd from our past we never healed from, both seeking therapy, his daughter wants to go but he procrastinates on everything...and the past 2 weeks that we haven’t really talked bc we’re both avoiding having a sit down talk, his daughter has been super chipper, speaking up, being disrespectful...not the kid I’ve been living with for 1.5 years. And I don’t know what to do bc I’m ready to say screw this. His daughter is never deprived of anything especially love and affection from her father which I’ve said to him many times (sorta joking) that she gets more affection than me. He barely touches me. Everyone says I should move (everything is mine) I feel that he stuck by me when I was actively drinking and at times shouldn’t have, but a tiny part thinks it can change. I don’t know if it will bc he has a problem following through as a parent, choosing my side over a 10 year and always getting defensive when his daughter becomes a topic of discussion
@calmOcean7756
It sounds like you are at a crossroad in your relationship. I know it isn't easy to step into the role of co-parenting a pre-teen. I understand financial stain can also cause a lot of tension in a relationship. I appaud you for your sobriety and for the support you are seeking for the ptst you experience. I think it's wonderful that you are commited to your own well being and are setting boundaries within your relationship. It sounds like you have a strong support system with your mom and your friends. ou mentioned they have been giving you advice. How do you feel about their advice? Is the advice something you want from them? Is the advice you are hearing from them helpful? You also mentioned you have mixed emotions about leaving the relationship because he supported you during a dark time in your like and because you are hoping things will improve. What changes do you thing could be most helpful for improving the relaionship? Do you think he would be able to meet you halfway, as the expression goes, in making the changes you both want to see in the future? You mentioned you both aren't talking much at the moment because of the tention you are feeling. Is there a neutral space or time that you migt be able to initiate a conversation? Are their boundaries you can set so that, if the conversation devolves into defensiveness, you can both take a moment to cool off?
For the past year and a half my parents have quasi-judged him (he moved around a lot w his previous job before we got together) so my parents think I’m a built-in babysitter for him (he doesn’t go out much but has made multiple comments when arguments stem from discussions saying negative things like I do nothing for his daughter, or around the house which is a total lie..if it wasn’t for my family she wouldn’t have a bed to sleep in or a dresser to put her clothes in), they feel he has no respect for me bc he defends his daughter instead of disciplining her (take away game time). Everyone thinks I should be done
