I feel like I am not enough…

@maya727 Please do not try to compare your brother to you,ok.

Your you and your brother is your brother.

It is nice to try to be like him, but you have to understand, that there are no two people a like.

We are all different.

Embrace, being different,ok.

There is nothing wrong, with being different.

Your parents should not compare you too your brother,either.

It sounds to me that your parents do not understand, how hurt you are.

I would suggest, maybe sitting down with them, and having a heart to heart, talk with them, and letting them know, your feelings, and let them know, that you should not compare, you to your brother.

Comparing someone to someone else, is like comparing an apple to an orange.

I hope I this helps, somewhat.

I wish you the best of luck, with your parents and your older brother.

family can be a blessing and a curse at the same time.

There are always drawbacks and people often make unfair comparisons between children ... some think it will motivate but IMO it rarely does. it may feel they are all against you when in fact they just had other ideas of who they thought you were or what they wished you would do.

It is hard as a parent to stay out of your choices ... i know i have had to shut myself up before saying things....involving siblings is a big issue to ....My parents acted like every decision i made was wrong .... but in background told sibling why cant you be more like....tiger....

Caused strife through out whole life have not spoke to siblings in years. You need to live for YOU not them because someday they will be gone and you will regret not being true to yourself

@maya727 I can understand you dear. I'm sorry you have to go through all this. I know it's tough, but you know people never changes our views towards ourselves changes them.

Thoughts become things, the way we feel of ourselves, is the way people make us feel. Who do you think know our insecurities better than ourselves?

Please think upon it, and try to count your small achievements, to make your self feel valuable. Love ❤️

Hello, I am a little late to this thread but I do want to say thanks for sharing. And it makes sense that you feel that way. It’s funny because I think I may be like your brother in my family. The perfect golden child who crashed into nothing. And now I deal with lots of internal bitterness toward my parents for trying to keep me on this pedestal when all I wanted was to have a good relationship with my own brother. Reading your post made me wonder if my brother feels what you do. I am not your brother obviously but I know that I would tell my brother that he’s awesome just the way he is. I think you are too. Being “perfect” honestly isn’t all that great. But what you feel is very valid. It would be so awesome if parents could stop comparing their children and realize that every child needs love and support and sometimes even allowing them to make mistakes and not be so perfect. Hope you feel better at this point and sorry to hear that you don’t feel loved or supported by family.

@maya727

Hi. That definitely is a difficult and heart-breaking situation. It is one of the worst feelings to get into the comparison game and feel like you do not measure up to others, and I can only imagine that it is much more hurtful when it comes from your parents.

Our parents are people with opinions, and opinions are not facts. They look at you and your brother from their own view of life and their own experiences and biases. That's just them though, and it says nothing about you.

I think its important for each and every one of us to be our own biggest supporter and to always be on our own side, especially when others are being unkind.

I agree with the other posts that suggested:

-expressing your feelings to your family. It will be vulnerable and scary however do it in way to speak up for yourself. Tell them that it hurts you when they compare you to your older brother. Ask them if they could refrain from doing so. Do not have expectations of them to comply. If they continue to compare, disengage from these conversations and try to emotionally detach from them.

-living life on your own terms. I totally agree with this. We are all individuals with different paths. Find what makes you thrive and content and do that.

I would also suggest:

-Be your own biggest supporter. Notice your own wins. Congratulate yourself for the things you do well. Be kind to yourself when you don't feel like you're doing well. Learn to see yourself and validate yourself through your own eyes rather than that of others.

-Have compassion for your parents. If they compare you to your brother, I imagine they have so much inner turmoil comparing themselves to other and possibly having felt inferior many times in their life. That must be very painful. Don't take it personally and take them as an example of what not to become, and maybe even be an example for others to love and accept themselves.

-Have compassion for your older brother. It might feel good to be the golden child but it comes with its own challenges. He is probably very hard on himself and expects perfection from himself. May your self-acceptance and self-validation heal him too.

-Find people who support you and love you as you are. Write down kind things that people have told you about your capabilities and your heart. Don't let these words make you, instead use them as prompts to what could be awesome about you. Just like some people might not think we're that great, others might think we are the best thing to have walked on this earth.

Unfortunately, we have been taught to approach life and relationships through what we can get out of them in terms of approval, validation, and love. Maybe we can shift that towards what light and love can I bring into others while being true to myself?

I struggle with all of this myself and what I wrote here is as much as a reminder to me too.

Keep your head high, and believe in your heart that you are worthy and ok and that you can change and become whoever you wish to be.

@maya727 I understand your pain, I am also in a similar situation. It's like whatever I achieve in life will never me enough, and it hurts that I've to fight for the same kind of love that my brother gets. And if that was not enough, they now ask him for his opinions on decisions that affects MY LIFE, it is truly awful. His thousands mistakes are forgiven, and mine even one gets reminded to me every now and then. It's one of the reason I want to move away from my family, it's not a healthy way out but I am tired of fighting especially when I know the end result. Right now I just bare with them as much as I can, and have a small safe space in the house which I barely leave. Whenever they say something hurtful I retreat to that safe space and read a novel or watch a series that help me gets distracted from the whole situation or I start venting about it to someone. Ignoring them as much as you can is the only way forward.

Sending you lot of love, support and strength. I know it's hard and I'm sorry that you are going through something like this on a daily basis but hopefully it will get better♥️