I'm worried about my younger brother
My younger brother and i are very close and lately i've feel him distant and blue.
When i was cleaning my house i found his notebook with tons of disturbing notes and drawings about not fitting in school, and how it's hard to be normal and some doodles of people killing and bleeding.
I'm 20 years old and he's 12, my mother doesn't pay much attention on us and i feel totally guilt and scared, i truly don't know what to do, i'm really worried and anxious right now, i dont know how to approach this situation.
I should try to talk to him without being intrusive and try to talk with my mother to consult him with a psychologist.
What should i do in fact?
I'm sorry using this space to ask for help and i'm really sorry about my english, i'm brazilian.
Thank you!
Hey @neopetcafe, I relate with how sometimes the distance between siblings can grow and we lose touch in terms of rather vulnerable stuff, and sharing things with each other.
Specially in the early teen years, there's too much going for kids (not so kids hehe), with growing up, transitioning, coping with the school stuff, friendships, discovering more about themselves and their interests etc, it does take a toll and can be overwhelming too if one aspect even seems to be causing issues.
I get how stressful it is to see someone we care for struggling and being aloof and distanced. You are so thoughtful for considering your brother's situation and wanting to help him somehow. I'm glad to hear that y'all were close prior to the distancing, so maybe you can try talking to him about school, studies, him, what's he up to usually, his friendships, etc general stuff (to not be too specific about what you found in the diaries, as he could become defensive or uncomfortable), spending time with him probably doing things y'all enjoy (enjoyed) doing together, or something that he enjoys doing. When a certain comfort space is established, he might feel more open to you, in case there's something bothering him.
Gentle assurances too may work at this time, something like a "I missed hanging out with you, but I'm here for you always and you can count on me" - something that conveys similar. You care and you are his sibling, you'd know the best way to show him that you care, a way that he needs to be cared for at this time.
Ofcourse if you feel, it is something that'll need more than a kind "I'm here for you and you can come to me anytime with anything at all, I wouldn't judge you.", then perhaps considering to get in touch with a counselor might be a better option.
I wish your mom was more involved too :/ do you think you'd like to share with her about what's going on?
Anddd you do not have to apologize for seeking support, it gets draining at a point and I want to assure you that you're not alone. (Your english is more than fine)
I truly hope things are sorted soonish for y'all. Sending lots of love. ❤
Thank you so much for answering me, i feel somehow comforted and listened.
I'll for sure follow your advices and do my best to make my brother feel nice again, it's so painful to see a kid going through a lot, it's just so unfair :^(
I've talked to him today when he was getting ready for school and i said how much i care about him and how i'll always be there for him, then we talked a little. Even tho it's a great sign of approach to me, i feel so concerned about the drawings and the violence on his doodles, i feel like my mother gave so much freedom to him on internet and stuff that it became unsupervised and bad for his mental health
Thank you so much for believing that i can help my brother, i was really feeling scared and unhopeful, but i love him so much, i would never allow something bad to happen to him
Unfortunately, my mother has a raising full of traumas and i feel i should keep this to myself for now, she would probably try to confiscate his stuff and he might feel invaded
Thank you so much again! You are really helping me ❤️❤️
@neopetcafe
Aww ofcourse, I can see you really care and want to do your best to make him feel less alone, and supported, that's super thoughtful and nice of you to consider your mom's place too and wanting to protect your brother's privacy and comfort.
It makes me happy to know you feel comforted, listened to, supported and encouraged as well. Pleased to be of some help to you. ❤
Glad y'all had a conversation, that is indeed a good start. How have things been ever since?
@neopetcafe your English is perfect. I would try talking to your brother first and then either talk to your mom or someone else you trust about this. you can always reach out to me. I'm here for you.
Thank you so much! I've communicated my mother and we are agreeing to bring him to a psychologist, but before ir we are going to talk to him and try to understand more what is happening.
Thank you again for your support ♡
@neopetcafe youre welcome please do me a favor never take your sibling for granted.
@neopetcafe I can tell you're a good person who cares deeply about your sibling's well-being.
I can say that your brother is at this tender teenage years, a period of "storm" transitioning from a child to an adult. This can be quite a ride for anyone. I guess the best thing you can do is just to be his safe place. Starting by asking how his days went, how was school, how was his friends, things like that. Try to reconnect with him. See what happens after that.
All in all, the best thing you can give him is your open ears, heart, and mind. Thank you for being there for your brother.
Thank you, it literally made my cry, i care so much and love him so much i would never try to not help him.
Thank you for believing me and i'll take the double attention and caring for him.
Talking to him is a good idea. Maybe you and him could go somewhere outside the house and hang out and just talk first.
@neopetcafe
well , since he is just 12 , i dont think think psycologist would be able to do much about it just will talk to you and your mother how to care for him.
Again , when you were about 12 , you must remember the problems you must have faced to adjust. When you talk to him about your experiences how you faced trouble in school and how you solved only the positive part. No mention of fights. Doodling is okay , trouble adjusting is normal. Then talk about how much he likes school of his , would he like shift in home tution with no friends. Then , you could share that yesterday you found a notebook and worry what things are written in it. Could he explain to you who wrote it and for what?
Now you need to tell him the consequences to him , what would happen if a child does such violent doodling even for fun , he could get suspended or even worse.
@Skansly psychologists can do a lot more than just talk to him
@blissfulTouch29
I appreciate your reply but i hope you have an experience with it rather giving a general idea!
@Skansly I do have an experience or I wouldn't comment.
@blissfulTouch29, ok then i am sorry for doubting you but i answered according to my experience.
@Skansly my experience isnt always easy for me to talk about. Feel free to ask questions and im more than happy to tell you about my experience.
Hello, just though maybe my story could be of use to you. I went through something very similar when I was 12. I was very depressed and suicidal even... my mother found my journal and confiscated as well as photocopied it and dragged me to a psychward in the middle of the night where I was kept for a year in solitude with no visits.
I felt alone and had self esteem issues from being a shy introvert at school and not knowing how to make friends. I developed an eating disorder to try and fit in. My parents wherent around often and my older brothers where 10 yrs older trying to live their lives and my parents focused on them.
What I needed at that age was fun and real connection. I craved closeness. I let myself go down a serious spiral in my head because I didn't have anyone to help bring me out of it or who made me feel loved or heard.
If you could help him in any way, I'd say to start there. It could prevent him from needing further help or creating unessisary trauma that'll damage him much more in the long run.
I wish you all the best and I hope everything gets better 💚
Also I think that's a pretty crucial age in building self esteem.. compliments will go a very long way.. and finding an outlet such as music, art or a sport can help him make friends, release his emotions and build confidence if he isn't much of a talker.
talk to him, but first just talk to the police save people while u can, u saw those signs .