In laws
Hi everybody, I'm new here I just feel I really need to get a lot out. I have been through quite a lot this year I have had a misscarriage, lost a really close relative to cancer and have also had my sons father come back into his life after 5 years.
I feel like everything negative that happens I put it to the back of my head and pretend it has never happened, but obviously that is not good because now I am just feeling really down as it has all built up inside my head and I am slightly struggling. I feel like I can't grieve I just keep my mind occupied so I don't get upset.
Also this year my sons father has come back into our lifes after 5 years and we was trying to make a go of things but I feel like his mum is just creating a wedge between us. She can not let go of the apron strings. I am at work all week so she has all week to spend time with him as they both do not work, but as soon as he comes to my house so spend time with me and our son she is constantly texting and ringing him asking to do things when I finish work but she has never once invited me or my son(her grandson) . Its his first Christmas spent with us this year and his mum has said she is going to be lonely (she spending it with her mum) so now he isn't spending Christmas with us.also she never invited me and my son for Christmas Dinner. I just don't know what to do anymore I understand children and parents are to be close but I just feel this is too much and she won't let him be apart of his own little family. Do I just walk away?
@honestApricot1641
Hey Apricot,
First, please accept my heartfelt condolences on your losses.
Cups is a very good place to come to when you are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated or just need to get it all out. I'm glad that you found this site and shared what you are going through. It can help to connect with others who can relate to how you are feeling, or are going through.
I certainly relate to how you described putting thoughts, feelings and emotions to the back of your mind to 'deal with later" (that's what I call it when I do that too). Some things that I learned that have helped me with that is by journaling (to write everything out in a notebook to get it out of my head, and then close the notebook) and also making myself take time (even a few minutes per week) to quietly look over the journal and allow myself to feel those emotions objectively. Maybe these ideas will spark your idea for ways for you to manage, so you don't feel so overwhelmed by it all.
I also used to feeling a similar way about my ex-husband and his mother. For years, I felt harshly towards her because of the apron strings. I later realized that I can't control her 'meddling' and trying to be the center of attention. I also realized that the choice of who gets time (our family or her) belonged to my ex-husband. HE had to make the choice not to pick up the call, not to plan things during our family time, etc. Once I realized that, I was able to sit down with him and explain how I was feeling (hurt at being left out and angry at always being second priority). Not in an ultimatum way but in a way of sharing how I felt. That really made a different in his choices with her. She also started to see that if she wanted her son at the dinner table, she needed to be nicer to his whole family.
I realize that what may be helpful to one person may not be helpful to another, so I only offer what I experienced to let you know that I can relate. I hope that something I've said may help you find your best way to deal with the situation. Please know that I, and the Cups community, are here to support you, in whatever decisions that you make.
~ Sher
