I've never had a mom

My mother always berates me over the smallest of things, it is insane just how much she overreactions to anything. She has made numerous scenes where I live and has attempted to literally run away just because I was 5 minutes late to a class. I wish she was as kind and understanding as she when she is faking it to outsiders.

She does nothing to support me instead belittling me. I do what I think will please her, I have fairly good grades but she still manages a way to get mad at me about it. This causes me overwhelming anxiety and stress by her threats and the struggle of always feeling I am the bad guy here. I don't feel a mothers love or care especially when i'm shaking and on the verge of fainting due to how much stress and sorrow she gives me.

She made me apologize to her over something she did, I was so bewildered by this I could never imagine what goes on in her head. Attempting reason with her is just as good as talking to a wall, it makes me feel insane.

I don't feel like I have a mother, she is just a dictator who i'm forced to live with. Whenever she makes another scene or empty threat she's leaving because of me and how it's all my fault, I truly wish she would go and never come back.