Letting my mother go?
Hi everybody!
I am new here and could use a little bit of support. About 3 years ago I came out to my paretns. They both took it really hard, however, my dad came around a lot quicker than my mom (she still hasn't). My dad would call me every so often and make sure I was doing okay, but they never mentioned my girlfriend. Whenever I talked to them or would visit them, they would pretend like she didn't exist. About a year after I told them, my mom had a real converstation with me and tried to gaslight me into thinking that she was th victim. She would also send me all these articles and homilies that were alwas about how to "find the lord again:. Trying to hold on to any realtionship left, I let her continue this and I never said anything. I was so caught up in the "I do not want to hurt her more" mindset. We would have bi-weekly converstaions after that and it was always small talk, never the same as it was before I came out.
Fast forward to last Christmas and she was super awkward and made it clear that she didn't trust or want to be around my girlfriend. After that I took a step back and didn't really reach out to her until she would text me. I felt as if she wanted a realtionship, she could reach out.
Now here if where I am stressed. My girlfriend proposed earlier this year (I said yes) and we are getting married at the end of the month. To me, telling my parents I was getting married, felt like coming out again. It took me months to tell the, I finally worked up the courage and told them last week. My dad finally called me 3 days later (not to say congratulations) but to tell me that it's my choice and I can do whatever I want (duh) but they wouldn't be coming.
I asked if my mom was ever going to talk to me again and he said "to give it time". I finally snapped and said everything I wanted to to him. I told him all my feelings about my mom and told him how mcuh they both hurt me.
My mom still has not contacted me. I guess my fear is that she is going to contact me and I am going to want to reply, however, that gives her the confirmation that she can just do everything on her own time and get away with it. I am really considering cutting my parents off until they tell me they are going to change (which will probably be never). I was manipulated my whole life and the thought of that stresses me out!
I am not letting my parents ruin my wedding and the people that reall matter will be there, but ti still hurts!
Thank you for letting me vent (:
I am not to judge you because when I point a finger at someone I have 3 pointing back at me. Only God can judge. I am sure your parents envisioned you getting married to a man one day when you were a little girl and your Dad walking you up the aisle to meet the Man of your dreams. It is A LOT for them to accept. They love you but do not love what you are doing. Have you and your future wife discussed how you all will raise your Son or Daughter as far as believing in God and religion? You also will be responsible for that little soul that comes into your lives someday and that’s what your parents did with your soul as they were responsible for raising you up. Remember to keep God in the center of your marriage. It is too painful for your parents to be there on your Wedding Day but that does not mean you should cut them off out of your life. They feel in their hearts they have raised you accordingly to the way their religious belief was. I think it is wonderful you were raised by 2 loving Christian parents. They tried their best. Do not argue with them. Someday your parents will be gone from this earth. God bless you.
@bestEast2648
Thanks for your reply. I'm sure it is a lot to accept but no effort has been made on their part and it has been 3 years. I have been the only one (besides my dad
occasionally) to make an effort. At this point, I'm simply just holding on for nothing.
We will raise our children to love and accept people no matter what, not manipulate someone to feel guilty for how they were born.
Thank you for taking time to reply. Have a great night!
@hef2455 Thanks for using this space to vent your pain and struggles. I understand you had been hoping your parents to be at your side and that is perhaps the idea you had come out to them, but it has been disappointing for you on how they tried to manipulate you and looked to control your life. You would have rather appreciated if they looked to understand your world and helped you make your independent choices. But it has not been so. And that is what makes you wonder if their presence is good for your well being. I am sure you wish them well, but they have been hard on you and you feel bound to take steps to ensure self-care. (Please let me know if I understood everything right).
