Long distant co-parenting
At times I am not sure what to do or how to handle everything being thrown at me at this point. I was a very young mom that turned to the in laws for support while I finished school and learned how to balance being a mom/student. My ex husband relies so much on his parents that he no longer is as involved in my son's life like he should be. The relationship my son and his father have, is more like a big brother type of relationship, where it seems like my son's well being isn't a priority. My son is very close to his grandparents because they are the ones that helped me out the most when I became a young parent and continue to look out for him since my son's father and his parents share a house.
My son is 13 now and is struggling with a lot, and most of it, unfortunately has to do with our divorce (which has been over 10 years ago) and struggles even more so with change. At this exact moment, I am struggling with getting my son's father onboard to make help my son become a success young adult. My work does take me away from home at times and I always find a way to have my son spend time with me where ever work may take me, figuring out the logistics of it all, check on his school work, and make sure he is being active. I am not getting the same type of help while he is at his dad's. He has no rules, doesn't have to eat healthy, doesn't have to exercise, doesn't have to do chores and most importantly.. his dad and his grandparents do NOT allow him to be independent and learn for himself. He doesn't get any academic help while he is there, and his hygiene practices are not the best either.
When my son comes to my house, there are rules put into place and he doesn't like coming over because of them. It breaks my heart he refuses to stay over for long periods of times because of how "strict" my rules are. I honestly do not think they are. It's the basics: Keep your room clean, brush your teeth, start preparing your own meals, spend more time as a family and less time on video games, stay active, and do well in school. I have reached my breaking point and do not feel like my son is not being looked out for like he should be. He is getting used to everyone doing everything for him that he no longer has any kind of self motivation to do anything.
I feel as if maybe full custody should be given to me yet I don't do anything about it because I somehow feel indebted to my son's grandparent's for helping me out when I needed them the most. But is it really worth the well being of my son? I'd hate to have them see me as terrible person for requesting full custody or in their eyes "taking him away", but my son really struggles and is alone most of the time anyway. He needs structure and I am trying to find the most amicable way possible to do this, but is there really a way? My fiancee has been the biggest support system for me and is willing to help in any way possible. I just don't know where to go from here. I feel stuck.
@creativeVase9212
Thank you so very much for your post! 
This was incredibly brave of you to share your thoughts and feelings. I know it can be hard and agreed, your situation sounds like quite the conundrum. You of course have very good reason to be concerned.
I would be concerned for my child as well if I were in the same situation! It sounds like you love your child and very much so. It sounds like you want the very best for him! It's not always about having a "happy childhood" at least to the point that everyone does things that are irresponsible just to appease a child. Sometimes this can be seen as lazy parenting. It's not only about having a happy childhood it's about children moving forward in life and having a happy adulthood. Much of that requires parents to suggest and even enforce things a child may not want to do......like brushing their teeth, eating adequate food, learning how to take responsiblity for themselves and their belongings (cleaning their room), etc.
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I'm also sorry that it seems as if you are the one that is trying to instill good behaviors and structure but there are others that aren't willing to support your efforts. Everyone being on the same page and agreeing to the same standards in all of the homes a child visits is really important in my opinion, lest one parent be played and pitted against the other. There me be something that you could discuss with a lawyer if you wanted to. I am not a lawyer. But I have heard there is some sort of term "isolation of emotion, isolation of a parent???" in which the court could possibly see that a child is being intentionally being turned against one of the parents. You may want to discuss with a lawyer what you think is going on in the other home and discuss the options of full custody if you feel as if that is the correct route to go. I can understand if you feel that it has gotten to the point to where these other family members are not instilling healthy practices or exhibiting good and wholesome values that are needed for proper growth of a child.
You could also discuss with a lawyer that if you do gain sole custody, visitation rights for the other family members but only while being supervised by you or an "at lightem" (not sure if I spelled that correctly) but it is a court appointed guardian that can step in, keep tabs on the childs progress, do home visits and supervise visitation while it is in progress with these other family members.
I'm glad that you have a fiance that is supportive of you! I'm glad you have someone to turn to! Perhaps if you decided to get sole custody of your son he could perhaps be a nice role model for your young man from time to time if you thought that were to be appropriate. You aren't alone! 7 cups is here for you! I'm so glad you found this site and you have a community to reach out to!
I send you big *hugs* Try to stay strong, I'm sure it isn't easy 
