Looking for Advice
I need advice. My family completely invalidates me, and I just feel like I’m there doormat/puppet. I’ve debated to go no contact with my parents. I decided to go no contact with my sister, and it’s been great. Of course my parents try to get me to talk with her because they say, but we are family. I absolutely hate confrontation as it is, and I’m currently about to leave an abusive relationship that they were not accepting of him to begin with. He plans to call to them, and start drama. Not to mention I had a friend message my dad about the relationship, and unsure if he read the message or not. She said she ended up deleting it, but my dad called me the other day, and Im always obligated to call back, and Im super nervous, and cannot bring myself to face to talk with them. Just having to talk to them makes me anxious, and every time I end visiting with them I always feel depressed. I’m 29f and find this to be ridiculous. Honestly I would like to change my number, and maybe send them all letters/emails explaining how hard is it to be able to open up to them, and just heal from my relationship, and heal from the pain my family has caused me. Although the reason me, and my sister stopped talking was because I wrote her a letter expressing how I’m not feeling appreciated for all I do, and everything got turned back on me, and I have my dad telling me to apologize, and be the bigger person for expressing my hurt feelings. Smh
@Mre605 This makes me sad. Being hurt by family is so difficult because it is, as you have described, seemingly impossible to cut ties. I feel like in your brief rundown of events, there seems to be so many issues that you are dealing with as a result of what others are/have been doing to you. You probably already have thought about therapy, which seems like it would be helpful here to give you support and practical advice to deal with the personalities in your family. My advice for right now would be to love and support yourself in the way you wish your family would. In other words, stop focusing on others and start focusing on yourself; take care of yourself, do things that make you feel happy, comfort, creativity, etc. Validate yourself; I think you will find the more you focus on loving your life, the easier it will be to deal with toxic personalities, and let their negative views on your life roll off your back. This is a lot of extra work on your part, but you can't change people, you can only change yourself. I hope this helps, and that you can do something for yourself today that makes you feel good.
I actually am seeing a therapist, which is someone I actually like which is nice, and helpful. Yes, I try my best because I always tell myself there negativity is more about them then me, but it’s so so hard. I just have and still feel powerless in my family. Anyone else it’s still difficult to confront, but my family forget it!
@Mre605 Ah, I feel for you! But I admire that you are still trying in the face of negativity and hurt, and seeking the help you need instead of just giving up; that shows a lot of character, you should be proud of yourself! Keep going, and maybe feel comfort in the fact that even a stranger is rooting for you.
Hi. I go through a little of the same stuff. Although my story is little different and I am a 21f. I get you. My family has lied to me, said hurtful things to me and about me to others. put me in harms way and never said sorry without continuing their actions. They always played the “I’m the parent I know better” roll. Which made me realize wisdom does not come with age and family is not always blood. I cut off my mother’s side of the family which was the most toxic and randomly talk to my father’s. My grandma which was the cruelest I never will speak to again. My aunt always says “well you need to cause she’s family”. I explained family are people who except you, try to understand you, care enough about your personal emotions and guide you to happier days. They don’t control or force you even or even do the “cause I said so” at the age 29 they should especially guide and even try to help you with your emotions. I feel freer apart from them making my own family with friends or my community. I even move to a whole other state then them lol. Realizing I’m worth more then their words or their demands help me grow. Finding people that actually cared how I felt and tried to put their selves in my shoes made find a real family. Helped me make more things for me. Because if you keep the people who demand more then they love you’ll feel less you or free. Maybe give them a break. You did go though something really tough. I did my break or separation with no explanation to my family but maybe it would be good to let them know how you feel and see how they react and that can give a lot more answers. I hope I helped some how or some way.
Yes, I might just change my number, and not say a word. I just cannot face them. Maybe explain myself as well. I’m not holding my breath that they will be understanding of my feelings, and probably make me feel bad about bringing up feelings because we don’t talk about feelings in my family.