My parents are ruining my life
I'll start by saying that I'm a 23 almost 24 year old adult and my parents are still making my life a living hell. Long story short, both my parents are very mentally and emotionally abusive and they don't even realize they're doing it. I was finally able to move out 2 years ago with my boyfriend and some friends and it's been the best 2 years of my life. I still see my parents occasionally between work and school and it's much easier to deal with them when I know I can go to my own home at the end of the day and forget all their stress. Unfortunately I have to be out of my current place by July 1st and I did find a new place with some friends but it's only for next school year so I can't move in until September. This leaves me with 2 months where I have to find somewhere else to live. My parents want me to move back in with them for the 2 months but my boyfriend and my friend both offered for me to stay with them at their parent's house for that 2 months. While it'll be easy for me to live with one them instead for that time, I'm scared to tell my parents that I'm not moving back in with them because they'll want to know why. I can't tell them it's because they're abusive because they'd either blame for it or say things I really don't need to hear. I just really don't know what to do, I was hoping that I was going to be able to keep my distance from my parents but now I'm being forced to deal with them and all their problems again. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sorry to hear you have to deal with that. I had to deal with similar at one point with my step-father and had to learn to force myself to cut contact as he was a grade A narcissist that abused me for a good half of my life. I think, if you even feel the slightest bit of dread at returning to your parents and have others offering you a place to stay, choose your mental health of their continued contact with you and move in with friends. You don't need to force yourself to continue to deal with stressors.
Thank you! That's how I feel about the situation too, my main problem is how am I going to tell them I don't want to move back in with them. I wish I could just cut contact with them but I know that would really hurt them.
I understand how you are feeling uncomfortable and at unease due to the fact that you need to tell them that you are not going to move in with him. It's hard dealing with people like that and it takes a lot of courage when it comes to self-expression. So, really, is that you are looking for the courage and strength within yourself to tell them and at the same time to find a way that is not going to result in them being extremely upset.
Yes exactly! I really wish I could tell my parents how they make me feel but I know how much it would complicate things. I guess I'm just hoping there's a way to go about it without having to deal with the real problem. I know that's a bit unhealthy but I know I won't get anything out of telling my parents the truth.
I understand how you feel about this. You really want to tell your parents how you feel but you don't want things more complicated than they are now. I understand how you are wishing that there be a way that you can go about it without having to deal with the problem. I empathize with you on that. Problems are not fun to face. Unfortunately, when problems aren't dealt with, they just get more difficult and complicated. You feel that you won't get anything out of telling them the truth. It is true that they may not understand or acknowledge your feelings if you do tell them. But, if you do tell them, maybe you will have a peace of mind as well. Because by expressing yourself gives you that opportunity to release what you have been holding in and also since you tell them, it's done and over with. You won't have to worry about telling them anymore. You know yourself and your parents best. Do what's healthiest and best for you.
