Needing advice
Within last 2 weeks my head feeling like I'm at war within myself. With conflicting feelings about my father and myself.. Ive never had much of a relationship with my dad most of my life. Hes very self centered and has never been much of a family man. I only ever see/talk to him on holidays or birthdays. Unfortunately he does the same with his parents as well.
im currently 20 and I've lived with my grandparents for the last 8 years. My grandfather's health has been dramatically declining within the last few months and he doesn't have much longer...Currently it's only been mainly me taking care of him and my grandma. Along with my mother and brother when they have time but my father doesn't.
It's been rough watching him getting worse because he was the closest thing I've ever had to a dad. But with his temper and attitude as been reminding me of my father's recently. That it has been bringing up my frustration, rage, and past emotions with my dad. I thought I was over and had moved on but I guess I was wrong.
I understand that when my grandpa isnt feeling well he becomes temperamental and demanding toward us. But I've noticed that the more irritable he becomes the faster Im losing my patiences and when I snap at him I feel like I'm talking to my father.
This thought process has been bringing back old trau.atic memories and feelings I don't want to have anymore. It's also triggering my depression daily and dark thoughts. Anyone have any idea how to stop me from feeling like this
I think you answered it. You know the things that cause you anger and depression. As bad as it is. We can't fix our parents. My own parents disowned me over poor choices I made as a kid. They chose my sister over me and so I left for the military and never came back. I can't change them but I can decide what I want and where I want to go in life. Remind yourself that your a warrior by taking on the responsibility of taking care of others that can't do it for themselves and that's honorable. Remind yourself that your father needs to address his own pain and trauma and that it's ok. Maybe you'll be the one to be the light he needs to see and what happiness really means inside an out.
