Stuck in a household with toxic, narcissistic mom...
I've had depression for the last couple months and have struggled with anxiety for a while now. My depression spiraled during college applications and from the academic pressure of all the rigorous courses I'm taking in school. Recently, an emotional event occurred where I brought up to my teacher that I was at my limit and he disregarded it. For his class, I've been coming to school with 2-3 hours of sleep a day because I'm working on stuff for his class every single day including weekends. My depression has gotten so bad (edited). My mom heard about this meeting sided with my teacher. I've always had a toxic relationship with my mother who is a narcissist and she gets verbally abusive with me. I expressed to her that I am at my breaking point (edited). She then got angry with me and called me selfish and conceited and saying it's my fault I'm in this situation. Today I broke down in a panic attack from her yelling at me because there's been a lot going on at school and home and she showed no sympathy. Instead, she got angry, told me that the accomplishments I have mean nothing (this really hurt because everything I do is to make her proud), and told me I'm ungrateful for everything she does for me. I got to the point of almost cracking again and asked her to give me space but she took it as an insult. I don't know what to do anymore. It's so difficult being in this situation. When I mention how I'm really feeling, she gets angry and dismisses it.
(Edited by @peaceloveanpaws for content)
@fearlessblue07
I am very sorry to hear you depression and anxiety have gotten worse since you have started classes. I understand the enourmos pressure to perform academically while stuggling with mental health coupled with the added stress of the emotional events going on in your personal life. It sounds like you mom is only adding more stress, treating you so poorly, and saying a lot of hurtful things to you that are unfair. Do you have others in your life that can be or are already a part of your support system? You can chat with a listener 1-1 if you need support or a place to privately vent about the stress you are feeling. You may get some peer support here in the forum community, as well. Does your school offer mental health services to students and would you feel comfortable reaching out if those services are offered? Is your professor able to work with you in terms of flexibility with assignments so that you can get more rest? They might be able to help you prioritize the work or offer to work with you if you are struggling with any of the material presented in class. Running on just a few hours sleep for prolong periods of time can have a negative effect on mental health.
Hi fearlessblue07. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know what it's like to deal with toxic/abusive parents. My parents actually exhibited very similar behaviours as your mom does. The key thing that I learned and what I think applies to your situation is that this behaviour your mom exhibits is her loving you selfishly as opposed to her loving you compassionately. Her selfishness is derived from her only really caring about how she feels based on your struggles as opposed to her caring about how you feel based on your struggles. As far as you trying to make her proud goes, I think it's important that we as people don't try to live life in such a way that we seek the approval of others or people please, but rather focus on making decisions that we feel would truly benefit us. Trying to make others proud isn't truly good for anyone in my opinion, as you shouldn't have to make anyone proud in the first place since any loved one in your life should ideally be loving you unconditionally, and I think your happiness/well being shouldn't be dependent on another person's pride. You don't owe your mom anything. You owe yourself to be happy and to give yourself the unconditional love that you deserve. Your mom negatively assuming things about your character that are NOT true, and not empathisizing with your struggles is completely and only her selfishness and ego. It's not your fault. Your accomplishments matter. Your struggles are completely valid. Your feelings are completely valid. You as a person matter.
@Akshay1115
Thank you for your kind words. It really made my day hearing this advice and I appreciate it!
@fearlessblue07
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I want to say that you are not alone as I am in a very similar situation, only, in my case, my mother is not only a narcissist, but a pain killer addict. She complains that she sin pain and sick, but is causing this illness herself by overtaking her meds. I sometimes do not know what I should do, as I live with her and pay half of everything, but I also have chilren, and her comments are very disrespectful and she has even targeted my children and talked down on them It has gotten as bad that we have to leave the house every day and go somewhere to have peace and for my children not have to deal with it. I can relate to how you feel, I am at a loss for words to say to her now, and it has all come down to, now me and my children are moving out of state, so that I can attend a university away from her so that I can focus. I have to say, what you are going through is very difficult, and I hope it gets better for you.
