Tired of the fighting
My husband and I have not been getting along lately. I feel like I take on a lot and when he's home he does very little. When I mention this to him he doesn't want to listen. When I ask a question he refuses to engage in the conversation. I wanted to see a therapist but he is unwilling. I have no health insurance (he forgot to ensure I was on his insurance) so I cannot go on my own. A few days ago he said he would work on himself but today he blew up on me and I don't understand why.
He says I'm trying to control him by wanting him to contribute to the operation of our home. We both work so I feel we both should tackle domestic duties. He either refuses to participate or he will half do something and expect me to praise him for something he should do anyway. He gets loud and disrespectful with me. Today I felt like he was purposely picking a fight.
I've been through a divorce with my child's dad and really don't want to go through that again. But at the same time, I don't see how we can continue if he doesn't work on how he communicates with me and contributes to the household.
I feel like I have done everything I could to support us as a family. Aside from leaving (which i don't want to do) I'm clueless on how to get him to see i want the best for everyone involved.
It sounds very difficult living with someone who minimises your incredible role in supportin your family while also wanting praise for doing less than their share. Simply put: it's the 21st Century and household management should be a partnership. Telling you that you are being controlling by asking for that basi respect is gaslighting...he is making you feel like you're the problem. You are not. That not to say that you might be communicating your needs in a way that is unhelpful to your husband (no judgement - we often communicate 'our way'). Maybe sit down together and ask him which responsibilities he would like to take on whether it's managing the bills, the washing, the shopping...whatever and then let him do that chore his way. Another factor to consider: men find talking about feelings hard and tend to use anger to replace stress, sadness, anxiety. I'd recommend starting any conversation with 'how are you feeling about...(work/poorly parents etc)' because you may find some emotional needs that he is unable to communicate, and might find that he is carrying his own emotional load. Hopefully doing so beings you closer together.you deserve to be happy and you deserve respect.
Thank you for your kind words. I have checked out of my relationship at this point. I try to talk with him and when this topic emerges (which happens often) he flies off the handle! He will only take on two tasks (out of dozens) and not do them well.
After 5 months, he is finally going to see our marriage counselor next week. I'm not going to get my hopes up. I am emotionally starved at this point and don't see a solution unless he makes a true effort to step up.
I feel like I'm in a very similar situation. I understand, and I'm sorry you are going through this. I have reached the same point where I have just checked out, I cannot do it anymore. He refuses therapy or to work on things with me, and he absolutely refuses a divorce. I feel stuck. I am thinking of you and hope for the best. Know you are a strong person and you can do whatever is best for you. Hugs. Take care💜