Toxic Family
My family has ALWAYS been toxic and abusive emotionally and ESPECIALLY mentally. Sometimes physical. It's just my brother and mom, dad isn't in the picture due to cheating and drugs. I get called names daily and belittled. For some more insight let me give an example of what I go through: *my mother told me I deserved my sexual assault and that I probably liked it. She tried to send me to a group home to be raped but she eventually forgot.* Recently I've fallen hard into depression. I've relapsed into self-harm, alcohol, and drugs. I'm only 14. I'm trying so hard to stay alive each day WHILE taking care of my mom who has diabetes. Mind you I'm homeschooled due to an attempted kidnapping when I was 10 years old. I have SEVERE PTSD because of it. So. Homeschooled. So I'm juggling school with everything else. My grades are the very best I can get them. I'm passing all classes. A's and B's. About fifteen minutes ago my family said I was way too dumb to go to college. They didn't know I was in the next room. I have a learning disability. This year I'm trying SO hard to get good grades so that I can get into a four-year college. All previous school years I had F's D's and if I was lucky maybe a C. So you can see how I've improved this year. Any happiness I find they rip down. I'm completely alone and since the age of 11-12, I've been suicidal. Around 13 it got bad. A week before my 14th birthday I lost my best friend to suicide. Two months ago I was ripped away from my boyfriend who helped me severely. He got me clean off SH, my ED, drugs, and alcohol. He was an adult. I'm a minor. It's true. But he did care. Truly did. He helped me get better grades last year. Or at least he tried. He wanted me to find joy in life. He made me want to live. And now I'm never allowed to talk to him again. Because of my mom. And before someone says "she's trying to protect you." My mother let her secrete boyfriend grope me and then when I told her she said "don't tell your brother." She made me hug him and even allowed him to sleep next to me in the closet. (For a long time I slept in a closet because of PTSD. I feel incredibly safe in small places) so no. I don't believe she was. I believe she saw me happy. And took it as an opportunity.
Beautiful person, you deserve happiness. When your brain is in survival mode, it is incredibly hard to make it do what you want. To learn new things. So the grades you are getting this year, are a 100% because of your hard work. And surely show that you are smart enough.
Ptsd is a very mean thing to have. And help with that and with your situation, would help you a lot. But I also get that asking for and getting help is hard.
Find 1 person you can confide in. A neighbor, someone in the supermarket you see often, anyone.
I don't have anybody. I'm isolated. I have social anxiety and severe trust issues. Any time I'm out in public I feel like everyone around me could hurt me. It's the PTSD and I know that. But I just can't trust anybody to get close to me. They'll hurt me or they'll leave. And I don't trust professionals they scare me and make me feel like my words get twisted.
@ConfusedNightOwl I have trust issues as well. Trying to protect yourself is a good thing. That means that you trust yourself. Trust with others is going to be a process. You trusted us here at 7 cups, and hopefully you’ll find support and trust in some of us.
I hope so. I just feel so. Idk. Tired? I guess
@ConfusedNightOwl you definitely have a tough environment right now, and you have improved your grades tremendously which I think is clear evidence that you can make it in college. You have reached out for support here, and that is great. I’ve found in my own life that when I reached out for help or even just tried to make a plan, that eventually help comes in one form or another. I’ve also faced problems that I faced in the past and when I looked for resources that helped in the past, they were not available. So I ended up having to learn to face familiar problems with new types of resources. I’m telling you this because you mentioned your boyfriend. You may find another person like that, or you may need to find different types of support. Just keep going… and eventually you’ll get through this. Eventually things will get better. I don’t know you, but I do believe in you.
I'm honestly scared of myself at this point. But I don't want to be thrown away or discarded to a hotline or a hospital. They don't help me. It's just. Idk. Hard. I guess. Thank you for your kind words though. I don't get that often 🖤
Hello @ConfusedNightOwl,
I am really sorry that you’re going through this, your family should love and support you unconditionally, and instead they are making your life a living nightmare, I am at a loss for words.
You are a beautiful person and the fact that you improved your grades tremendously shows that you are indeed very smart and very capable to succeed in college and in whatever else you will want to pursue in your life.
I really wish I had some kind of magic wand to cast a spell and change the heart of the people around you, but all I can do is telling you that you are a wonderful human being and things will get better, as someone said in the previous reply, there are kind people out there who will love and care about you and will genuinely help you, finding them might be difficult but they are out there, and please never listen to anyone telling mean and hurtful things about you, they are utterly wrong, never forget that!
Thank you. That means more then you could imagine. I haven't heard stuff like this. Really ever. I'm trying the best I can to keep going. Thank you for the love <3
@ConfusedNightOwl You are a gem that must be preserved at any cost, not joking. The courage you've had to deal with all of this and and the will to go on and lead a better life, that's commendable, to say the least. You deserve all the happiness in this world and I do hope you get into the college of your choice along with a blessed life ahead.
Awh thank you. That's really sweet. I hope so too, thank you so so much <3
@ConfusedNightOwl
Hello,
Based on what you've said, in a search engine (like Google.com), you should type the following to see what resources can you use:
1) Help, I am emotionally and physically abused
2) Help, I struggle with PTSD
3) Help I struggle with depression
4) Help, I struggle with self-harm
5) Help, I struggle with alcohol
6) Help, I struggle with drugs
You can also try visiting a https://www.teenline.org for possible resources. This site are for teens who struggle with similar situations like yours.
I hope this helps!
